A DAY ON THE SET OF THE DARKWING DUCK SHOW

By Katie Sullivan, 1992


Disclaimer:  I wrote this, as you can see from the copyright date, a very long time ago.  My writing has vastly improved since then, but I thought you might enjoy this old story anyway.  Oh, yeah, this story, old and unpolished as it is, is copyright by yours truly and may not be reproduced without permission.  Of course, pretty much all the characters are copyrighted by the Walt Disney Co and are used without permission.

       Gosalyn was sitting at the kitchen table eating a donut when she noticed a noise coming from the closet.  She rushed over and peeped in the keyhole.  She saw Darkwing Duck crammed in the closet!
     "Let me outta here!" he said in a muffled voice.  Gosalyn opened the door and he tumbled out head over heels onto the linoleum.  "Ouch," he groaned.
     "What happened?!"  Gosalyn snickered as her father began to look more like a duck than a rectangular closet.
     "Morgana said she'd transport me home after our date last night, and I ended up in there."  Darkwing rubbed his sore back.
     Just then Launchpad stumbled in the front door wearing a lampshade on his head, his pockets full of gumballs, wearing Santa Claus pants, and holding a bowl full of Son Won Pon Con Ru Tu's Chinese's chow mien.
     Gosalyn looked at him, dilated her pupils, and asked, "Katie, Miss Sullivan, ma'am, how about a flashback?"
     Okay, Gosalyn, perhaps a flashback is in order.
     Launchpad was at the Mall of America, (St. Canard branch,) when he saw a gigantic toy store.  Being how he is, childish--
     "Hey!" Launchpad interrupted.
     What is it?
     "I don't like being called childish." He pouted and chewed a gumball.
     Okay, being how he is, full of fun--
     "That's better."
     OKAY, BEING HOW HE IS, FULL OF FUN, he went into the toy store.  He stepped on a roller skate and rolled off down the mall.  He hit a gumball machine, (which explains the gumballs,) then straight into an electrical supply store, (the lampshade.)  He then screamed through the Cafe' Court, (the chow mien,) and ended up in a costume store, (the Santa pants.)
     "Knowing Launchpad, I'd believe it," Gosalyn mumbled.  "Hey, wait a minute! You forgot the giant mutant slug monsters from Saturn!"
     Fine Gosalyn, he met one of those-er-things on the bus on the way home.
     "I didn't ride the bus."
     Shut up, Launchpad.
     "Okay, ma'am."
     There was a knock at the door.  Darkwing Duck answered it.  It was Megavolt.
 "Do you know if you have a California road map?  I'm going on vacation," he asked.
     "Sure, right here."  Darkwing began rummaging in a nearby drawer.  Suddenly he whirled around and slammed the drawer in realization.  He said, "Hey! You're the villain! You're not supposed to ask me for road maps!"
     "It's my day off.  I'm not even supposed to be on the show today," Megavolt replied.
     "Well, then who was?" Darkwing asked suspiciously.
     "Him."  Megavolt pointed over his shoulder at Negaduck, who was shooting at kindergartners at the crosswalk in the background.
     "Figures," Darkwing griped.
     "He won the coin toss," Megavolt added.
     Suddenly, a 23-foot zombie with a hacksaw stomped into view.
     "Gosalyn!" everyone present yelled.
     "You slipped in some of your own script pages again, didn't you?!" Darkwing screamed.
     "Heh, heh.  Only a few.  Don't worry, though.  The giant squid wins."
     Wait a minute, Gosalyn, what giant squid?
     "Wait a sec'," she replied.
     Suddenly as the zombie, a huge, 30-foot squid monster rose out of Audobon Bay and dragged the zombie away with its writhing tentacles.  Then a giant rabbit stomped like a deadly thunderstorm out of nowhere with  dripping fangs and red, gleaming eyes. It flattened Canard Tower, Bisqiuicked the school, and hopped off along the ocean floor, into the vastness of the Pacific Ocean.
     Okay, sorry about that. I think I edited out most of Gosalyn's pages.
     "I do."
     "I do."
     "You may kiss the bride."
     Morgana!  Would you please get those pages out of here!
     And so Darkwing Duck, scourge of evil everywhere was gloriously chopped into 13,234 pieces by the worst super-villain ever--
     Negaduck!  Would you guys quit this?!
     "Hello everyone, this is Tom Lockjaw!  I'm at the St. Canard Waterworks where-"
     STOP IT!  Ahem, back to the story as usual...I hope.

     Darkwing, Launchpad, Gosalyn and Honker were all in Darkwing Tower, contemplating the newest information on Bushroot's latest crime spree.  It seems he robbed the gardening department at Dan's House of Discount Stuff.
 "Wasn't it Floor Mart?" Gosalyn asked from the roof of the Thunderquack, where she and Honker were sitting.
     NO.  It was definitely Dan's House of Discount Stuff.
     "Fine."
     Anyway, he stole seven rakes, two garden hoses and nineteen packets of posy seeds.
     "Um, ma'am, you forgot the fertilizer, sniff," Honker said as he balanced himself after almost falling off the roof of the plane.
     Believe me, you want to forget fertilizer.  Peew!
     All of a sudden, Bushroot climbed in a window and slammed a piece of paper down on a table.
     "This story stinks!  My only scripted line is AAAAAAAAAH!, when I'm running away from him at the end!  Come on!" he pointed at Darkwing.  "I quit!"
     GASP!
     "Please reconsider Reggie!  Mutant plant-ducks with acting talent are so hard to find," Gosalyn urged as she grabbed his arm.
     "No way!  I'm going to go get a guest shot on Teenage Balding Kung-Fu Gerbils," Bushroot said decisively and stomped off the set.
     Just as the rest of them were recovering from the shock, the Liquidator floated over from behind a girder.
     "I can't afford to keep this job!  It doesn't pay enough to keep those annoying, germ-infested house pests behind your no-money-down 30-day warrantee Mayflag refrigerator with built-in ice maker alive!  My five year warrantee, er, contract, has just worn out!  I resign, too."
     "Awww, come on, Licky! Don't you have some liquid assets somewhere you can live on?  Come back!"  Darkwing yelled after the departing Liqudiator.  No reply.
     Well, the cast is going fast.  We'll do the best we can to--
     "I want equal publicity, OR ELSE!"  Negaduck stormed over.  "You get all the fame and fortune, and I get treated like slime!"
     "Maybe that's because you hospitalized half the studio last time you had one of your little tantrums," Darkwing sneered.
     "I did not have a tantrum.  Besides, it's not really my fault.  How would you feel if you got a pay cut that would stun an elephant?"
     They all looked at each other and said simultaneously.  "It felt awful, depressing and unjust."
     "But that is still no excuse to take after the producer with a chain saw!" Darkwing looked Negaduck right in the eye.  Negaduck folded his arms and turned his back to him.
     What is going on here?  Why this extreme dissatisfaction all of a sudden?
     "Well..." Negaduck thought for a minute.  "Perhaps it is because somebody forgot 'Be Kind to Cartoon Characters Day.'"
     When was that?
     "Last Thursday."
     Gee, I'm sorry, guys.  What can I do to make it up to you?
     "Oh, nothing much..." the entire cast appeared from out of nowhere to yell.
     Uh oh, I think I'm in trouble.

     Everyone was in Mexico on their three weeks paid vacation.  (I may not be able to afford pencils to write with after this escapade!)  Gosalyn, your next line, please.
     "Oh yeah!  The end!  Tee hee, pass the lemonade, dad."
 

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