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By Katie Sullivan, 1992
Disclaimer: I wrote this, as you can see from
the copyright date, a very long time ago. My writing has vastly improved since then,
but I thought you might enjoy this old story anyway. Oh, yeah, this story, old and
unpolished as it is, is copyright by yours truly and may not be reproduced without
permission. Of course, pretty much all the characters are copyrighted by the Walt
Disney Co and are used without permission.
Drake
Mallard was sitting at the kitchen table having his morning coffee when the
phone rang. "Hello?" he answered groggily.
"Darkwing, babe! Toby Shelton
here!" the voice on the other end squawked.
"Oooh, the producer," Drake
groaned.
"That's right, babe! Want'cha
down here at the studio mucho pronto, kid! Mr. Eisner
thinks we could do a movie based on your show! What d'ya think? Darkwing?
Mr. Mallard?"
There was a tap on his shoulder. Toby
turned around and discovered Drake Mallard in full costume
standing by a fern in his office.
"A movie! My shot at the big
time! Yesssss!" he shouted.
"Hold it, Darkaroonie, I said we got
an offer, I didn't say we could make it work! I mean, who
would want to stare at your face for two hours? No offense, but--"
"Hey! What's wrong with my
face? It's YOU who draw my beak too big!" Darkwing
grabbed Toby's arm.
"Anyway, ahem," Toby cleared his
throat, "there's going to be a cast meeting at one
o'clock."
"I'll be there, you can count on it,
Tobeman."
"I tell you Morg, this is big,"
Drake told Morgana McCawber. They were having lunch at
the Hamburger Hippo down the street from the studio before going to the cast meeting.
"What exactly is this meeting
about?" Morgana asked through a mouthful of French
fries.
"I guess we're going talk about the
kinds of things that are going to be in the movie, give some
input on the outcome of the plot."
"I just hope they'll stop drawing my
beak wrong," Morgana sighed.
Across the room, Negaduck sat at a corner
table. He peeked from around a newspaper at the other
two ducks. "A movie? Well, isn't that interesting...?" he said.
The meeting began sharply at 1:00. The cast talked about several topics: the type of image they wanted to portray, the age group they wanted to attract, the setting of the movie, and what a short skirt the receptionist was wearing that day. (Darkwing narrowly escaped a black eye and/or blackened feathers from Morgana for his participation in the conversation.)
About a week
later, Darkwing, Gosalyn, Morgana, and Launchpad made their way through the Looney Toons picketing Disney Studios and into the back
gate. (Bugs almost succeeded in tripping Morgana!)
"Whew! Won't they ever
quit?" Gosalyn grumbled as the group made their way down
the hall to the stage where they were casting for the movie.
As they passed the director's offices, they
heard Tuskernini inside pleading with one the directors to
take his advice on the new Darkwing Duck movie. Obviously, the director denied. In fact, when they had almost reached the door to
the casting stage, Tuskernini was thrown out bodily from the
office, landing in a heap on the other side of the hall.
"Amateurs," he grumbled and
walked in the other direction.
"Darkwing, Gos, Morgie, Launchpad-a-rama! Kids, come on in," Toby called
from the far end of the sound stage. Surrounding him
everywhere were almost every character from the Darkwing Duck
Show that ever was. Guest stars, extras, stars, heroes, villains,
ducks, dogs, farm animals, chickens, mutants, and animals of all shapes and sizes were crowded into the studio. Morgana zapped a few tail feathers
until people cleared a path for them.
"Here we are, Mr. Shelton,"
Darkwing announced when they reached the producer.
"Ah, yes, Drake Mallard. You
probably want to get into the Darkwing line. You're a shoo-in
to get the part," Toby Shelton motioned toward a line of Darkwing wanna-be's who were also trying out for the part.
"What?! You mean I'm not
automatically cast as the terror that flaps? What do you
think you're trying to pull? I am Darkwing Duck! In real life, I mean!
Give me a break!" Darkwing yelled furiously.
"Well, Drakers, we do need to allow
other up-and-coming actors to get the chance to--"
"Stegmutt! Quick, Mr. Shelton is
on fire!" Darkwing interrupted.
"Oooh boy! Put out the Shelton! Put out the Shelton!" Stegmutt
grabbed Toby by the shoes and swung him back and forth,
swatting him onto the linoleum with each swing.
"Now all you hams can go home!"
Darkwing pushed the other actors out the door and slammed it.
"Ahem!" Negaduck stepped
out the shadows. "You forgot someone. Me." "Negaduck?! You're trying out for my
role?" Darkwing asked with shock clearly in his voice.
"Hey, not only does it irritate you,
but the pay's better than what I'm getting now!" Negaduck
said with an evil snicker. "Besides, I've got kids to put through
college."
"Yeah, like I don't?" Darkwing
raged.
The fight was on.
"Okay! I put out the
Shelton!" Stegmutt cheered.
As it turned out, everyone got the same part they had before. (Except Clovis, Taurus Bulba's secretary, who was cast as a dental hygienist from Venice.)
Within
weeks, everyone was in Florida filming. The first scene they were going to shoot was a crocodile stunt. True to Disney tradition, the
crocodiles used were going to be animatronics. However,
true to Negaduck tradition, Negaduck was planning a little switcheroo
and substitute live crocs.
"Watch how real this looks,
Morgana," Darkwing nudged his girlfriend in the elbow and
swung across the crocodile tank on a rope.
Negaduck had also taken the liberty of
tampering with the rope.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Darkwing
screamed as he fell into the water when the rope broke.
The pond was teeming with snapping, bellowing, hungry crocodiles! Negaduck just happened to stroll by this
particular set just as this happened.
"Oh my, Dark, that does look
real! Why, I'd like to talk with the make-up person who
designed those cuts and bruises! Such realistic-looking crocodiles, too!"
Morgana leaned for out over the tank to get a better look at
the action below. By this time, Negaduck was all but
rolling on the floor he was laughing so hard. Gasping for breath, he struggled to walk away, bent over with laughter.
Gosalyn saw him out of the corner of her
eye, and made a mental note to watch him extra carefully for
the rest of the filming. She lost sight of him when a bunch of Tale Spin characters walked in front of her. When the group cleared away, the
villain was gone. All she could see was Tuskernini
running after the director of the Darkwing Duck movie
yelling, "Wait! Please listen! I might be beneficial to your
production! Come back!" Gosalyn sniggered in
spite of herself.
Darkwing recovered sufficiently by the next day, at least enough to continue filming. (Considering the Negaduck was his understudy, this was probably more because he couldn't stand to think of Negaduck playing his part than it was physical wellness.)
Darkwing
went to his dressing room for a change between scenes. Hanging in a corner was the
costume he was supposed to wear for the next scene. To his horror, it was a Donald
Duck outfit! "What is this?!" he yelled.
"Hey!" said a warbley voice
behind him. Donald Duck appeared holding a Darkwing suit on a hanger.
"That's my costume!" they both
shouted at the same time. The two ducks exchanged the
garments and no harm was done, though they both wrote a stern letter to the head of the costume department!
Later, as
Darkwing was changing for the big finale, he heard a scratching at the door.
"If that's one of those mice again,
I'll--" He walked over to the half open door, but it
slammed in his face! On the other side, he heard cackling that could only be coming
from one duck, Negaduck! He had locked him in! "Oh no! That sinister spotlight
stealer! Why, I'll..." Darkwing ranted furiously.
Meanwhile,
Negaduck walked up to Toby Shelton.
"Mr. Shelton, Darkwing says he just isn't up to filming today, tsk tsk,"
Negaduck informed him slyly.
"You sure he said he can't? It's
not like him to pass up filming a scene," Toby asked
suspiciously.
"Positive," Negaduck looked at
the ceiling. "It's such a shame, but I guess I'll have to fill in for him. It just won't be the same, but..."
"Well, it is too bad, but we have
deadlines to meet. I believe there's an extra costume
in that empty dressing room. Be on the set in ten minutes." Toby Shelton
walked away and began scolding a F.O.W.L. eggman for having a ripped
scarf.
Negaduck sauntered over to the dressing room cockily.
Goslyn watched him from across the room. She watched
the door until he emerged in a newly pressed Darkwing outfit.
Smiling smugly, Negaduck trod over to the set of the finale and disappeared in a crowd.
"Hmm, I don't like the looks of
that," Gosalyn mumbled to herself. She took off down
the hall for her dad's dressing room.
When she arrived, someone was pounding on
the door. The voice from inside was
yelling, "Come back here and fight, you fabulously unfavorable
frog-faced fop of a friendless fool!"
"Dad, it's me, Gosalyn!" she
yelled as she struggled with the lock to the door. "I'll have you out in a sec! Hang on!" Suddenly, the door gave
way and Darkwing, who had been leaning on the door, tumbled
out onto the floor.
"Oooh, you wrinkled my cape," he
moaned.
"Never mind that now, dad!
Negaduck is about to shoot the big scene in your place!
Come on, maybe we can still catch them before they start the filming!" Gosalyn
grabbed Darkwing's arm and they ran off down the corridor.
"All
right, on 5, one, two, three--"
"Stop!" Toby Shelton was
interrupted. "What is
this? I though you weren't--"
"Never mind what you thought!
I'm here, so let's get on with the show! But first, to
take care of that traitorous, treasonable, treacherous twit of an evil twin!"
Darkwing yelled and pointed an accusing finger at Negaduck,
who was standing by the director's chair, innocently
twiddling his thumbs.
"Who, me? What did I do ?
I was just filling in where I thought I was needed. What's wrong with that?"
"What's wrong with that is that you
also caused the problem in the first place!!! Mr. Shelton,
this duck locked me in my dressing room so he could take my place!"
Darkwing raved.
"Is this true? Security!"
Toby Shelton bellowed. Two men in blue uniforms trudged
in and took Negaduck by the arms.
"Hey! You can't do this to
me! I'll get you for this, Darkwing Duck! I want my lawyer! Why, I
could..." Negaduck ranted and screamed all the time he was being dragged down the
hall until his voice faded away.
Darkwing, Gosalyn, and the rest of their
friends all laughed and went off to Pepe's Pizza to
celebrate.
A few months
later, the grand opening was held and the Chinese Theater in Hollywood.
Darkwing and Morgana got out of their limousine to the cheers of the throng gathered there. Launchpad, the Muddlefoots, and many other favorites
followed in their respective vehicles.
The cast got their places in the balconies
on either side of the screen. The title screen
appeared, followed by a giant portrait of Darkwing's head that covered the whole screen. Darkwing gave himself a standing ovation. The movie
soon started.
During the middle of the second scene, a Milk Dud hit Morgana
in the back of the neck.
"What was that? Did you feel
something, Dark?" she leaned over and whispered to
Darkwing.
"No," he answered. A few
seconds later, another one hit him in the side of the head.
"Hey, what gives?" he rubbed his head and looked up in the balcony above him.
Darkwing saw Negaduck peering down at him, laughing evilly.
Darkwing grumbled and tried to ignore the constant
bombardment of popcorn, Milk Duds and spit wads.
During the
first intermission, Darkwing noticed Gosalyn was missing. After searching for her a few minutes, he discovered her just walking into the
lobby. She was wearing sunglasses, a T-shirt and ripped
jeans.
"Gosalyn!" he called out in
surprise. "What are you wearing?!"
"Oh, hi, dad. Sorry I'm late, I
went into overtime playing Whiffleboy at the arcade down the
street. I didn't have time to change. These are my good sneakers, though.
Where's the candy bars?" Gosalyn walked past him to the
concession stand.
"Ooooooh, there's another gray
feather! That kid is going to drive me crazy one of
these days!" Darkwing slapped himself on the forehead in disgust.
"Hi
Honk," Gosalyn told Honker Muddlefoot while she was waiting in line at the concession stand.
"Oh, hello Gosalyn, sniff."
In the background, Gosalyn noticed Negaduck
sneaking along in the shadows towards the broom closet.
"Now what is that villain up to this
time?" Gosalyn mumbled suspiciously and tiptoed off to
spy on Negaduck.
Negaduck
sniggered maliciously under his breath as he pulled a large time bomb out of his suit. Gosalyn peeked around the corner and gasped
when she realized what he was doing. Negaduck set the
bomb for two minutes after the movie was scheduled to
end. Still cackling evilly, he locked the broom closet and snuck out a side door into an alleyway.
"That sneaky little jerk face!"
Gosalyn growled. "I gotta go tell dad!" She took off into the theater at breakneck speed.
"Dad!" Gosalyn whispered loudly. "Dad, Negaduck--"
"Is a jerk, I know, now be quiet and
watch the movie, dear. And, change your sneakers, I
don't want them full of cement when they take our footprints later. Now run along," Darkwing dismissed her.
"But dad--"
"Shoo."
Gosalyn sighed and went to talk to
Launchpad.
"Launchpad, I need to tell you
something. I just saw Negaduck with a bomb!" she rushed
up to him and shook his arm.
"Bon Bons? Yum! Bring me
some while you're up," Launchpad said excitedly through
a mouthful of popcorn.
"Groan." Gosalyn trod off
to speak with Gizmoduck.
"Gizmoduck, I just saw Negaduck--"
"That's too bad. I feel sorry
for anyone who has to look at him. See you later, little
Gizmobuddy." This was all Gosalyn could get out of him.
Gosalyn had no better luck with Morgana,
Stegmutt, Neptunia, Binky, Herb, Comet Guy, Sara Bellum, or
J. Gander Hooter.
"Sheesh, the
gee-don't-I-look-great-on-the-big-screen bug must have bit all of them. What am I going to do now, ask a villain for help? Give
me a break! I guess I'll have to handle this myself, or
rather, Quiverwing Quack will."
Dressed in
her Quiverwing Quack costume, Gosalyn fiddled with the lock of the broom closet door and a paperclip.
"This isn't going to help.
Stegmutt?" Gosalyn called to the dinosaur, who was buying
another soda in the nearly deserted lobby. "Would you help me with this?"
"Sure Gosalyn. What do you
want?" Stegmutt smiled obligingly.
"Would you punch this door down,
please?" she asked and hopped out of the way as the
duck-turned-dinosaur gave the door a thwack with his powerful tail. It came crashing down.
"Thanks, Steggers."
"No problem, Gosalyn," Stegmutt
picked up his soda and went back into the theater.
Gosalyn peered into the shadows inside the
broom closet. There was the time bomb, and there was
only fifteen minutes until it detonated!
"I've got to get it into the
bay," she told herself out loud.
Grabbing the time bomb, Gosalyn took off
down the street and skidded to a stop at a corner. A
bus pulled up at that exact moment, and she got on.
"Get me to the bay, fast!" she
panted.
"Sure, miss," the half-asleep bus
driver mumbled.
The bus tore off down the street and
screeched to a halt just at the edge of a pier.
Gosalyn hopped out and dropped the time
bomb into the water. Then she collapsed to her knees to
catch her breath. Suddenly, Ariel, the Little Mermaid, surfaced holding the bomb.
"Excuse me, did you lose this?"
she smiled.
"Yeah," Gosalyn panted
breathlessly without thinking.
"Here you go. Glad to
help," Ariel dropped the bomb onto the edge of the pier and
flitted off through the water.
Now realization hit.
"AAAAAAAH!” Gosalyn yelled and decided to practice her long bomb by throwing the explosive far out into the bay. It plunged
down into Audobon Bay, but before it could hit bottom, it
exploded, sending a cascade of water shooting high into the
air.
"Cool beans!" Gosalyn
gasped. The bus had left by this time, so she ran back to the theater.
Gosalyn reached the theater just as Darkwing was putting his web in the freshly-laid
cement outside on the sidewalk.
"Your turn, Gos," Honker told her
as she skidded to a stop just short of the cement.
"Gosalyn, where have you been?
And why haven't you changed your shoes, young lady!"
Darkwing wiped some excess cement off of his webs.
"Parents," Gosalyn laughed as she
placed her webs carefully down. "Keen gear, it squishes!"
she giggled.
"Archie!" Morgana yelled at her
pet spider as he scuttled across the wet cement.
"Gee, Morgana, I guess he wanted his
foot prints on the Walk of Fame, too!"
Gosalyn snickered and stepped off the sidewalk.
THE END
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