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By Katie Sullivan, 1992
Disclaimer: I wrote this, as you can see from
the copyright date, a very long time ago. My writing has vastly improved since then,
but I thought you might enjoy this old story anyway. Oh, yeah, this story, old and
unpolished as it is, is copyright by yours truly and may not be reproduced without
permission. Of course, pretty much all the characters are copyrighted by the Walt
Disney Co and are used without permission.
Gosalyn Mallard was lying in her bed watching the leaves rustle outside her window, half asleep. It was Thanksgiving vacation, and she was enjoying every minute of sleeping in as she could.
Meanwhile, in the Negaverse,
Negosalyn was up and about. The Disney Villains Bi-annual Picnic was today, and it
was her unavoidable job to pack the basket. Wrinkling her nose in disgust at the
Slug Bars and Coo-coo Cola, she checked to make sure no one was looking and dropped a few
crackers and a can of Squeeze Cheese into the basket. Suddenly, Bushroot popped his
head in the door and threw a plastic bag at her. "What is this?" Negosalyn
asked with a scrunched up nose. Her eyes started towater from the smell.
"Fertilizer. Plants need to eat, too, you know. Say, you haven't
seen some Jobe Sticks around have you?" Bushroot asked as he looked on the
countertops and under a piece of rye bread.
"No, I haven't. Here, pack your own fertilizer.
Pheew!" she pinched her nose, threw the bag back at him and flounced out of the
room.
"Gosalyn! Get out of bed this
instant! The Disney Heroes Bi-annual Picnic is this afternoon!" Drake
Mallard slammed open the door to his daughter's room, only to be shot at with a dozen
suction-cup arrows. "Gosalyn!"
"Heh, heh, sorry, dad. Burglar trap," Gosalyn
slipped past Drake in the direction of the bathroom with her toothbrush.
"Really, dad, you should be more careful. Those could have been real," she
called back as she slammed the door.
"Really, dad, you should be more careful," Drake mumbled mockingly under
his breath as he struggled to pull an arrow off of his forehead.
"Mon cherie, have you seen
the kids' jackets? I can't seem to find them!"
Dalila was on her hands and knees looking under the bed.
"Did it ever occur to you that they haven't even hatched yet?! I mean, isn't
dressing them now a bit much?!" Negaduck was rummaging through a dresser
drawer.
"Well, maybe the designer mittens are overdoing it bit, seeing as how they
don't even have hands we can get at yet. But, none the less, they do need to stay
warm, and there's a chill in the air. You wouldn't want them to catch a chill, would
you?" Silence.
"Well, would you?!"
"I'm thinking! Hmm...speaking of things that are missing,
you wouldn't know where those cuff links with the diamond studs are, would you?"
Negaduck slammed the drawer shut in frustration.
"Now who's over-dressing? This is an outdoor picnic, for goodness
sake! What do you need diamond-studded cuff links for? James Park doesn't
exactly have a dress code or anything!" Dalila pulled a little yellow wool cap
out from under the bed and began picking fuzz off it.
"Yeah, James Park. I'll pick ya up
at eleven. Bye, Morg," Drake said airily as he put the phone down.
"She must really like me, agreeing to come outside in the daytime and
all," He stared into space and sighed.
"Hello, Earth to Darkwing! Masked Mallard, do you read
me?!" Gosalyn stood on a chair and yelled into Drake's ear as loud as she
could. "It's time to go!"
"Yeah, uh huh. Right, whatever," Drake mumbled incoherently.
"Oh, yeah, right. Let's go, hurry up, we'll be late. I'd hate to keep Morgana
waiting." Gosalyn slapped herself on the forehead in disgust.
"Are we there yet?"
Negosalyn whined.
"Shut up and hang on to those eggs!!" Negaduck yelled above the
noise of the motorcycle. The vehicle was somewhat croded. He was driving,
Dalila was sitting behind him, and Negosalyn was sitting in the sidecar with the two eggs
nestled in her lap. Before long, they had arrived at James Park. A number of
villains' children were gathered under a nearby tree. "Lord Negaduck, Dad, sir,
can I go play? Can I? Can I? Can I?" Negosalyn pleaded.
"Anything, just get out of my feathers!" Negaduck yelled.
"Oh thank you, Dad, sir!"
"Hi, Morgana," Darkwing stuttered
sheepishly as she magically opened the door to McCawber Manor.
"Oh, Dark. Do come in, I'll be ready in two shakes of a
vatler's horn," Morgana shouted from the other room. Darkwing almost did sit
down, but when the couch got up and walked away, he decided maybe he'd better stand.
As he stood waiting for Morgana, he inquired to the walls, "What's a vatler?"
"Ready, honeywumpus," Morgana crooned as she floated majestically into
the entryway. She wore a giant straw hat to keep the sun off, and, in addition, a pair of
Magica De Spell Brand dark, dark sunglasses. She also had on a flowered dress.
There was no sign of her legs, as usual.
Archie scuttled across the floor inspect Darkwing.
"Gnnahjarengh juhibga hulu grr bing," he growled at his feet.
"Did someone fall into Devil's Gorge and have a compound fracture of the
lower mandible again?" Darkwing asked excitedly.
"Ha ha ha, no!" Morgana laughed. "He asked...oh my, look at
the time. We'd better hurry." Eek picked up Archie and flew with Squeak
alongside the Ratcatcher.
Negaduck spread a blanket under a shade tree
and flopped down to read the Cape Suzette Tribune. Dalila walked over and carefully
laid the two eggs down next to him. "Watch these. Scarlet Karnage and I
are going down to the gazebo to get some pate'. Au Revoir!"
"Yeah, sure. Whatever." Negaduck was half asleep by this time.
"Hey look at this cool soccer ball!" Two
pint-sized Beagle Boys ran up to one of the eggs. It was laying on the right side of
Negaduck, who was by this time fast asleep.
"C'mon, let's go!" One Beagle grabbed the egg and dribbled away with
it.
"Darkwing Duck! What a surprise! And hellooo, Milady!" Gizmoduck screechedto a halt by the Ratcatcher just as it pulled into a parking space in James Park.
"Hey, Hey, Hey! Hands off,
she's mine! That is, I mean--" Darkwing stammered.
"Oh, Dark!" Morgana sighed dreamily.
Negaduck, meanwhile, was just starting to
stir, when he bolted upright from an ear-splitting scream.
"EEEEEEEEEEK!" Dalila screeched at top of her lungs. "Where's
the other egg?!"
"Wha--" Negaduck stammered, still not fully awake.
"Where's the other egg?!" Turning mad, Dallia
grabbed her husband's neck and wrung it furiously.
"Wubbawubbawubbawubbawubbawubbawaba!" Negaduck babbled
as he has shook violently back and forth. Suddenly, he was dropped to the
ground. Dalila collapsed on the blanket, sobbing. "Where could it have
gone? How could you not--?! Ooooooooooh..."
Not sure whether to punch her or comfort her, Negaduck stared bewilderedly at the
lone egg under the tree.
Over on the other side of the park, Megavolt was unloading a
giant cake from his car. Bushroot came over and licked the icing.
"Hmm...not bad. Could use a little mulch, though."
"Hands off, atom brain. This is for everyone. Imagine
what would happen if Negaduck found out you ate it all." Megavolt shook his
head.
"Might as well stick my head in a lawnmower. You're
right. I'm going to check out that rose bush over by the barbecue pit. She's
been rustling her petals at me all afternoon." Bushroot straightened his
blossoms and left. Megavolt rolled his eyes and started to take the cake over to a
picnic table where Steelbeak was sitting.
In yet another part of the park, the junior Beagle Boys were getting tired of
playing with the egg. "Let's go check out the cake, " one said, licking
his lips.
"Wow! What a piece of pastry!" The other kicked
the egg with renewed energy, sending it sailing through the air, straight for
Megavolt and the cake!
Megavolt, unaware of the egg speeding 100 miles per hour for his cake, noticed what
appeared to be a seam at the top of the cake. Lifting the lid, he discovered he had
taken the wrong cake! This was the portal between the Negaverse and Darkwing's
Universe! He jumped back at his discovery, wondering what Negaduck would say.
Suddenly, a large egg shot through the opening in the cake, sending frosting glooping
everywhere.
"Oops. Oh well, it's just a soccer ball. Come on, let's go
get some Coo Coo Cola," one small Beagle Boy said as they took off post haste
in the opposite direction.
"Hey!" Steelbeak shouted as some runaway frosting splooshed
in to his celluar picture phone. It sizzled and smoked. "High
Command? High Command?! Are youse still there? Oooh, you're gonna pay
fer this, Megavolt! I was this close to getting a raise! And, uh, youse knows how
stingy F.O.W.L. High Command is about such tings. I'm gonna wring your scrawny
neck!"
Darkwing dusted off a seat at a picnic table
for Morgana with his cape. "For you, m'love." Suddenly, a large egg
popped out of a cake sitting on the other end of the table. It rolled around the table,
upsetting glasses and overturning hot dogs, until it finally came to rest in front of
Morgana. "Dark, dearest, did you order yours soft boiled or fried?" she
asked casually. Darkwing Duck pulled a giant microscope out of his shirt.
"By looking at a sample of this shell, analyzing the facts, looking a gift
knock of opportunity in the mouth, accentuating the positive, putting a stiff upper lip to
the grindstone, using the three R's, brushing after every meal, checking my list, and
checking it twice, I'd say this egg belongs to someone very naughty. Negaduck, to be
exact."
"Oh, Dark, you're sooooo smart." Morgana batted her long, black
lashes.
"Dad, there's a stamped label on it that says: If lost, please return to
Negaduck," Gosalyn snapped.
"I know that! She doesn't have to!!" Darkwing whispered
loudly in his daughter's ear.
"Your kids did WHAT!" Negaduck
glowered darkly at a group of Beagle Boys. The two younger Beagles cowered behind
them.
"What happened?" asked one particularly dumb Beagle Boy.
Steam came off of Negaduck's head as he stood shaking with fury.
"Your kids were playing SOCCER with MY EGG!"
"Oh yeah? Prove it!" the largest Beagle said, sneering.
Negaduck reached into the picnic basket and revved up his favorite chainsaw.
His eyes blazing, he sliced the edge off the nearest Beagle's prison number.
"IS THAT PROOF ENOUGH FOR YOU?!" he screeched insanely.
The Beagles looked at each other. A collective
"yes" was heard.
"Good. Now find out from those BRATS of yours where my
egg went!"
"We didn't know it was your egg, Negaduck, honest!!" a small
Beagle stammered in terror.
"Well, YOU DO NOW! Go find that egg. OR ELSE!"
Dalila leaned on her husband's shoulder, still distraught. She sniffed, and
Negaduck squeezed her shoulders comfortingly. "Well?" he inquired, giving
the Beagles murderous looks.
"We saw it fall into Megavolt's cake! There was like this
green light and it seemed to disappear into thin air! We're sorry, please don't kill
us!" the smallest Beagle babbled, cringing.
"Megavolt's cake? Green light? Disappearing
eggs? What are you trying to--wait a minute! Of course! The Universal
portal! C'mon, mon cherie...let's get violent!"
"If I know Negaduck, and unfortunately I
do, he'll be here before you can say vatler," Darkwing told Morgana.
Gosalyn looked confused. "What's a vatler?"
"Beats me. Ask her," Darkwing shrugged, pointing at
Morgana. She sighed and put her head in her hands.
"You knob! You idiot! You
numbskull! You--you--you knob!" Negaduck kicked Megavolt in the shin.
"Ow! Ooh! Ah! Eee! It's not my fault those idiot
kids kicked your egg in the--"
"I'll do the name calling around here, Sparky!" Negaduck yelled. He
hung his head in exhaustion and disgust. "Well, what are we waiting around
for? Come on, we've got an egg to find!" So saying, he grabbed Dalila and
jumped headlong into the cake.
"Bushroot might as well as eaten this cake," Megavolt said, rubbing
his shin, "all it's brought me was trouble." He turned around, rummaging
in his bag. "I’m hungry. I know there's a AA battery in here
somewhere.."
"All right, where is
it?!" Negaduck and Duchess sprang out of the cake into Stegmutt's potato
salad.
"Could you be a little more specific, Negadope?" Darkwing said
calmly. "I hate it when you call me that! I hate it! I hate
it! I hate it! Ahem, now, down to business. I lost an egg. You
have an egg. Give it to me before I seperate you from your beaks!"
As one, the entire party lifted the napkins off their plates to reveal heaps
and heaps of scrambled eggs. "We have no idea where the egg went, but it was
sure delicious!"
This was all the stress Dalila could take. She fell over into the a bowl of
Jell-o in a dead faint.
Gosalyn sprang out from under the table with the egg, laughing so hard she could
barely see. "Gee, Morgana, you do scrambled eggs as well as pudding! So...what
is a vatler, >anyway? Tee hee hee hee!!"
"Vatler is a word I made up for that little dent between your lips and
your nose," Morgana said, laughing. "It's just something I say to confuse
people!"
By this time, Negaduck had pushed his unconscious wife into the cake,
taken the egg, and jumped in also. Everyone was laughing too hard to care, though.
That night, Negaduck and Dalila sat up watching Mutilatior Part 76 when she said, "You know, maybe someday, when the kids are all grown up, we'll look back of this day with fond and humorous memories." They looked at each other and grimaced. "Or not."
At McCawber Manor, Morgana
sat alone in a high window, gazing out beyond Audobon Bay. "Oh, if only he'd
just ask me to marry him. He knows I'd say yes, doesn't he? Magic can only do
so much! Oh, Archie, what to do, what to do." She stroked the spider's
soft hairs in deep thought.
"Oh, Darkwing."
THE END... MAYBE.
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