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By Katie Sullivan, 1992
Disclaimer: I wrote this, as you can see from
the copyright date, a very long time ago. My writing has vastly improved since then,
but I thought you might enjoy this old story anyway. Oh, yeah, this story, old and
unpolished as it is, is copyright by yours truly and may not be reproduced without
permission. Of course, pretty much all the characters are copyrighted by the Walt
Disney Co and are used without permission.
Negaduck was still in bed. He had
a splitting headache. His eyes were watering, and his nose was running.
"Something tells me I should've worn a scarf the other day. Oooh," he
mumbled. He felt his forehead. "Do you think I feel warm?" he asked
Dalila.
"Let me see...yes. Why?" she replied.
"I think I'm sick."
"I told you to wear a scarf the other day! But
noooooo, you wouldn't listen!” she reprimanded with a yawn.
"I know, I know," Negaduck said with a sniff.
"Well, no mindless destruction for you today,
then." She picked up the phone. "Hello, Son Won Pon Con Ru Tu's
Chinese? Do you deliver? You do. Okay, we'll have..."
That afternoon, Negaduck lay in
bed, half asleep, with the T.V. on low. He was rather groggy due to all the cold
pills, and his head pounded. "Lord Negaduck, Dad, um, the food's here,"
Negoslyn poked her head in the door.
"Nngh. Hmmm?" Negaduck stuttered sleepily.
"The Chinese food is here. Do you want to come eat at
in the kitchen with us?"
"Oh, sure," he replied groggily.
"Dad, that's the second time
you've fallen asleep in your Son Won Pon Con Ru
Tu's special sauce. Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah, m'fine," Negaduck stammered.
Negoslyn and Dalila looked at each other skeptically.
Negaduck fumbled with his chopsticks, sending a gloplet of
watercress flying across the room. It landed on Nick's head.
"That's it! You're going to bed, and staying
there! No ifs, ands, or buts about it!" Dalila said firmly.
Negaduck's head bobbed into his noodles and sauce. He was fast
asleep again.
His wife sighed disgustedly.
Negaduck was snoring in a chair in the
den with a video game controller in his limp hands.
"Dumb-dee-dumb-BLOOB!!!!" the television squacked as Whiffleboy fell into a lava
pit. The noise woke up the sleeping duck. He blew his nose and rubbed his
eyes. He picked up the controller, but the Whiffleboy crashed into a mutant rabbit
fireman in sector 12.3. "Darn," he mumbled. GAME OVER flashed on the
screen. "Double darn. Mmmmmm...oh my head. What time is it anyway?"
Negaduck looked at his watch. "4:00! It feels like
it's 2 AM! Duchess?!"
"What?!" Dalila yelled from the other room.
"What time is Giant Mutant Accountants That Ate the Math
Teacher From--"
"That was on three hours ago!".
"What?!" Negaduck yelled. He jumped up, nearly
upsetting a lemonade glass sitting an end table. He had gotten up too fast and got
extremely dizzy. He tripped on a scatter rug and crashed into Quackerjack, who was
just entering with a bag of exploding pretzels. Negaduck knocked them both over into
the Liquidator.
There they all sat, dripping wet, covered with exploding pretzels. "Don't
move," Negaduck whispered, "One wrong move will blow us to kingdom come!"
"Lord Negaduck, Dad, sir, do you need anything?
Whoooooaaaaaah!" Negoslyn bounded in and slipped on some stray Liquidator. She
tottered for one suspenseful moment, then regained her balance. "Achoo!" she
gave vent to a violent sneeze, toppling over into Quackerjack's lap, where the thick of
the pretzels had spilled!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!
When the smoke cleared, it revealed Kleenex, pretzel bits,
several of Quackerjack's funny teeth, feathers, water, and a few bows from Negoslyn's
dress were strewn all over the living room. Surprisingly, Whiffleboy was still
playing, but before long, he fell into a bottomless pit of guacamole..
"Oops. Sorry. Maybe this would be a good time to
go do my math homework. Heh, heh," Negoslyn shuffled quietly out the door, adjusting
her smoky curls.
"Oooooh!" Negaduck growled angrily as he wrang out his
bathrobe and picked pretzel bits out of his feathers.
Liquidator and Quackerjack silently slipped out of the room,
hoping they wouldn't be noticed. They weren't.
Negaduck got up, turned off Whiffleboy, and dug the remote out
from under a couch cushion. He brushed some feathers and pretzels off of his seat
cushion and flopped down on the couch.
The phone rang.
Flinching from his headache, Negaduck picked up the receiver.
"'Ello?"
"Hello to you, sir!" said a perky voice on the other
end of the line. "This is the Cute Little Lost Bunnies Fan Club, and we're
giving you this special, once in a lifetime offer! For just six monthly installments
$17.88, you'll get this wonderful deal on a collectable, durable--"
Negaduck slammed down the receiver. "I never should've
gotten out of bed," he sighed.
"Boss?" Bushroot asked from the doorway. "I
was wondering if you have the time to--boss?"
Negaduck had pushed past him and out though the kitchen to the
bedroom.
"Thanks for your time and attention," Bushroot said
sarcastically.
"This cold is not going to
ruin my day." He sneezed violently.
Negaduck was in the bedroom getting dressed. He
grabbed his hat and stomped out the door, slamming it behind him.
Soon Negaduck was driving down
Main Street on his motorcycle. A pedestrian walked out in front of him.
Without thinking, he swerved to miss her.
Half a block later, he blew his nose and said to himself, "I
must be sick! Normally, I would have gone out my way to hit her. What was I
thinking?!"
He finally decided on a bank robbery and explosion as his daily
destruction, defacement, and disorderly conduct. (The Three D's.)
The first bank he came to was the 2,468th National Bank. It
seemed as good as any, so he parked his cycle, (illegally, of course,) and barged into the
bank.
"This is a up-stick! Er, upchuck! No.
Stick-up! Just hand over the cash, sister," he jeered at the teller while
holding a gun to her head.
"You could have done this by computer, you know, wake up to
the 90's, geez," the teller grumbled as she filled a sack with money.
"Here, have a rotten day," she replied flatly and resumed filing her nails.
"Hey! Why aren't you screaming in terror? Why
aren't you fleeing in panic!" Negaduck jabbed a finger at her disgustedly,
sniffling..
Without looking up, she pointed. "That's why."
"Huh?" Negaduck turned around to see a cloud of
purple smoke foof up by the entrance.
"I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the
disappearing ink on the check of villainy! I am Darkwing Duck!"
"Big surprise," Negaduck mumbled to himself.
"Planning a shopping spree, Negs?" Darkwing sneered.
"None of your business, Dimwing," Negaduck
retorted. Suddenly, he gave vent to a gargantuan sneeze.
"ACHOOOO!" He was jolted back a few steps.
"Forget to wear a scarf again?" Darkwing said,
snickering.
"Oooh," Negaduck growled disgustedly for blowing his
cover. "Shut up."
"Make me," Darkwing pulled his gas gun out of his shirt
and pointed it at Negaduck.
Negaduck charged and they scuffled for a minute. Suddenly,
an arrow shot into the area the two mallards were fighting. However, instead of a
point, it had a pepper shaker on the tip. Pepper flew everywhere!
"ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO!"
Negaduck went into a severe sneezing fit, and Darkwing was able to slip a pair of
handcuffs on his wrists. "ACHOO! Drat, ACHOO!" he cursed between sneezes.
"I told you, no mindless destruction today! That
includes robbing banks! Now look what you've done!" Dalila stood in the doorway
with her arms crossed on her chest.
"ACHOO! Oh, hi, dear. ACHOO!" Negaduck said
with a gasp for breath between sneezes.
"Who's she?" Quiverwing Quack stepped out from behind a
marble column. (Of course it was she who had shot the arrow.)
"Gosalyn!! What are you doing here? I told you
to stay home!" Darkwing scolded.
In this time, Negaduck's sneezing had gradually subsided, Dalila
had picked Darkwing's pocket for the keys to the handcuffs, and they both had slipped
quietly out the door.
"Now look what you made me do!" Darkwing yelled to
Gosalyn.
"Sorry, Dad, but you were about to become the mashed
mallard, instead of the masked mallard! Excuuuuuse me for saving your tail
feathers!" They walked out to the Ratcatcher arguing.
Negaduck slouched down low in the
side car of his motorcycle. A bullet from the pursuing policemen grazed his hat.
"Well? Aren't you going to admit that I saved
you? That I was right?" Dalila ducked to avoid a bullet that whizzed past
her beak and swerved.
"Admit what?! That I'm not entitled to--urk!" he
leaned over hastily to avoid another shell. "--to leave the house on my
own? That I did something wrong by robbing a bank without telling you?
What?! Achoo!" Negaduck let out a leftover sneeze.
"I give up trying to get through to you! You are so,
so arrogant! So conceited! So totally out of tune with everyone else's feelings and
emotions! Gee, I'd almost forgotten why I married you," she said dreamily and
sighed.
"You're home! I was so worried!" Negoslyn
cheered, rushed over to Negaduck as he came in the door, and gave him a giant hug.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." He shoved her away.
Still, she stood by smiling sweetly.
Several days later, a
chilly day dawned on St. Canard. Negaduck, (who was wearing a scarf,) and Negoslyn
(who wasn't,) emerged from the local explosives discount store. Just then, Negoslyn
sneezed and dropped a package of bombs, blackening Negaduck's feet.
"Hey!" he yelled.
"Sorry, sir. It's just that I don't feel so
good. ACHOO!" she groaned and let out a dainty cough.
"Oh no, here we go again. Didn't I tell you to wear a
scarf?! See what happens when you don't do what I say? You're still going to
school tomorrow, you know! See what it feels like to disobey! That'll teach
you a lesson! Always pay attention when I tell you something, or else things like
this..." Negaduck lectured her all the way to the motorcycle.
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