Peni's Inn, Kipler, PA

6:00 pm

Mulder pulled up in front of the Inn's office, killed the ignition,

and looked over at Scully.

"It doesn't look too bad for a small town. There are worse places

for a honeymoon. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge."

Scully just gave him a long-suffering look and started to open her

door.

"Wait! Let me get the door. Appearances, remember?"

He was out of the car and opening her door before she had a chance

to reply. As she stood, he gathered her into his arms and kissed

her tenderly on her forehead.

"Let's go check in, darling." Mulder was enjoying this way too

much.

He took her hand and they went into the office, with Scully looking

like she might live to regret this whole thing.

Later, after they got the room keys and hauled the luggage inside,

Mulder flopped down onto the lone queen-sized bed and mourned, "Only married one day and I'm already getting the cold shoulder.

Is it something I said?"

Scully gave him a little smile, then said, "Mulder, I don't think

our every move is going to be monitored - I doubt that anyone has

even noticed our arrival yet. And get off my bed."

Mulder looked hurt. "YOUR bed?! Oh, no, you don't. This has to

look real, there's no sofa or comfortable chair, so I'm sleeping

with you tonight." He hastily added, "On my own side of the bed,

of course."

Scully stood with hands on hips, considering the situation, then

sighed, capitulating, "If you keep your word to stay on your

side...well, it's against my better judgment, but we'll give it a

try."

Mulder looked pleased that his proposal had gone over so easily

with Scully. He got off the bed and, humming happily to himself,

went into the bathroom.

Scully just shook her head, and began hanging her clothes in the

closet.

By the time Mulder emerged from the bathroom, he saw that she had

already removed the case file from the baggage and was sitting at

the small table going through paperwork.

"This is sure a romantic honeymoon we're having, Scully." He sat

in the other chair and asked, "Find anything interesting?"

She looked up at him, brow furrowed in thought. "Mulder, did you

realize that witness accounts in two of these disappearance cases

related that both couples had engaged in a public argument just

before they vanished?"

"Yes. That's why, while we're out having dinner, we are going to

pick a fight." He added sarcastically under his breath, "That'll

be hard to do."

Studying the page before her, Scully said, "I heard that."

She flipped a few more pages over and then closed the file. "Three

honeymooning couples have disappeared in this general area in the

past four months. Since one of the missing couples happened to be

the children of the Governor and the State Attorney General,

strings have been quietly pulled, and two FBI agents were assigned

to the case."

"That's us," Mulder mentioned helpfully.

She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Not the eyebrow, Scully, please!" Mulder joked as he threw his

hand up in mock horror.

Scully wondered what had gotten into her partner. She was used to

his joking around occasionally, but he had really been

uncharacteristically incorrigible since they had been on this case.

It could be the enforced close proximity they were anticipating;

they very seldom had to go undercover on any of their cases. Maybe

he was just embarrassed, and this was they way he coped.

"Mulder, why haven't we told the local authorities about our

setting ourselves up in hope of luring the bad guys? You know how

territorial they can be, especially where the FBI is concerned."

"That's why it's called 'going undercover,' Scully. Seriously,

Skinner said that he has a few doubts about the integrity of some

of those 'authorities' judging from the bits and pieces he picked

up from connections out this way. He said that he would take the

heat when they found out what was going on in this operation."

"Well, it's nice to know where we stand in all this; sorry I napped

in the car on the way down when we could have discussed this setup,

but, as I said, Queequeg was sick and I was cleaning up doggy

accidents most of the night."

"And on that note, It's time to go get something to eat," Mulder

said heartily as he got up, grabbed his coat, and headed for the

door.

Scully hastily retrieved her coat from the bed and followed him out

to the car. As they got in and were strapping on the belts, she

asked whether he had a restaurant in mind.

Backing out of the parking lot, he said, "Saw a big, and probably

the only, restaurant as we drove into town. It's one of those

family-style things where everybody goes."

It only took a couple of minutes to reach their destination, and

the place looked fairly busy. They were shown to a booth by a

harassed-looking elderly gentleman who managed to smile a lot.

While crossing the room, they noticed the diners were mostly

families, with some blue collar local types and business people

traveling through town.

When they reached the booth at the far side of the large dining

room, Mulder, in a smooth move, let Scully slide onto the seat,

then slid in after her on the same side. He sat close and gave her

a smug look. She gave him a "let's humor him for now" smile and

studied the menu.

"I'm hungry," she announced.

"Let me guess: Chef's salad."

Her eyes warned him. "Most of the other stuff in this type of

place is bad for you."

"Try the famous cheese steak."

"YOU try it."

"Aw, come on Karen."

"It's Kathy," she whispered. "Get our cover names right, OK?"

"How about 'love muffin?'," he whispered back.

"How about Kathy," she said through clenched teeth.

Suddenly the waitress stopped at their booth and looked expectantly

at them.

"Have you decided yet, folks?"

Mulder looked up and his eyes got rounder. Their waitress was a

knockout. Jet black curly long hair, gorgeous dark eyes, a sweet

heart-shaped face, generous chest, slender body, and long exquisite

legs. He registered all this in an instant, expert that he was.

The waitress had a name tag with "Tina" on her right pocket.

The attraction appeared to be mutual, since Tina was eyeing Mulder

in an unmistakably interested way.

Scully took all this in, and thought, "OK, you want a public fight,

buddy; you've got one."

When Tina left with their orders, Scully commented rather loudly,

"So what were you staring at? She's not on the menu." Her voice

dropped slightly, "Or maybe she is."

Mulder's mouth dropped open and he stared at her in astonishment.

Then he recovered and responded, "So what? I can look, can't I?"

"It's rude to your wife, me, to leer at someone like that," she

stated primly, then added, "and it pisses me off."

"Oh, so 95 percent of all married men who glance at a pretty woman

are being rude to their wives?"

"Glance!! Hah!"

"So who made you the one-who-determines-all-morality?" His snide

voice made Scully furious, even though she knew in the back of her

mind that this was all just role-playing.

"SOMEONE has to do it, and it sure isn't you."

"What does THAT mean?"

"Figure it out."

They both sat and glared at each other for a minute.

The waitress came back with their drinks and salads, giving Mulder

a wink, unaware of any tension.

He grinned at her and winked back.

Scully lost her cool and gave him an open-handed smack against the

left side of his face. It sounded terribly loud in the dining

room, and most everyone turned to see what was happening.

The blow was enough to rock Mulder's head to the side. He put his

hand to his reddening cheek and looked at Scully in awe.

"You hit me!"

"Please take me back to the motel, or I'll call a cab," she said,

her voice still loud, and now with a catch in it.

Mulder threw a twenty onto the table as he slid out of the booth.

"That's cab fare." He was clenching his jaw and stood with his

arms folded across his chest as he waited for her to get out of the

seat.

She didn't say another word as she ignored him and the money he had

thrown on the table. She just stalked through a very quiet room

toward the front door.

Mulder defiantly sat down again and began eating his salad, wryly

thinking, "Well, at least everyone knows we're here."

When Tina brought the rest of the meal, she quickly put it down and

fled, leaving the check.

"This case is going to really undermine my self-esteem," Mulder

mused to himself. "Not that it was all that high to start with."

Relieved to get the meal over with, he managed to get the old guy

with the menus to wrap up Scully's untouched food and took it with

him, knowing that she wouldn't have had anything to eat yet.

He found Scully in her robe back at the room; she had just washed

her hair and was drying it, sitting cross-legged on the bed.

As he walked in, she asked, "Did you see the guy in the red shirt

who kept watching us at the restaurant? He seemed more interested

than normal, to me."

"I doubt we'll catch our culprit all that easily, Scully. It would

be nice, but I doubt it. We'll put out some feelers tomorrow; for now, I'm going to watch the football game on TV while I nurse my

wounded pride." He ostentatiously rubbed his cheek.

"Aw, poor baby. I didn't hit you very hard, Mulder."

"I'd hate to be around when you really swung at me, Scully. Oh,

yeah, here's your dinner."

She grabbed the bag and dug into it immediately. "Food!"

He snatched his hand back still intact and rummaged around for the

remote control.

Realizing what Mulder had said, Scully commented, with her mouth

full, "Football? Oh, it's Monday night. I'll take the Cowboys;

you take Philadelphia and I'll give you six points." She didn't

mention that the Vegas line gave the Cowboys ten points.

Mulder looked surprised, and said suspiciously, "Five dollars OK?"

"Sure, if you're afraid." She smiled sweetly and turned on the TV

with the remote that had been lying by her side the whole time.

The football game went down in history as the highest score ever

racked up by a team in a single regular season game, and Mulder

glumly handed Scully her five dollars as he muttered about the

evils of gambling.

Scully grabbed the bathroom first so she could get into her

nightgown, but came out in a few seconds still in her robe.

"Mulder, I'm sorry, but I must have forgotten my nightgown in the

rush to pack and leave this morning."

"Why are you sorry? I'm not." And he leered annoyingly at her.

She took a deep breath and said, "May I borrow a t-shirt or

something from you just for tonight?" Until she got what she

needed, she refrained from reacting to his idiocy.

"Sure." He bounced off the bed and pulled a t-shirt out of the

bureau drawer where he had tossed his clothes earlier. "It's big

enough to reach your knees, at least."

She caught it in mid-air when he tossed it to her, and opened it up

so she could read the front of the shirt. It had a large arrow

pointing to the side, with "I'm with Spooky" inscribed next to it.

She could only look at him in surprise.

"I've carried that damn thing around with me for years, hoping you

would someday need to borrow a shirt. It was worth it just for the

look on your face." He was chuckling.

Scully was still astounded that he would go to such lengths for

such a lame joke, and finally managed to comment, "To quote Wallace

Shawn in 'Princess Bride', 'Inconceivable'", and then she turned

and disappeared into the bathroom.

When she emerged, Mulder bit his lip to keep from saying anything

about her interesting outfit. After she was in bed, he started

pulling his shirt off, and she turned to face the other way.

His voice sounded amused as he commented, "All the times you've

seen me semi- and totally nude, Scully, and you're still bashful?"

Silence.

She felt the bed dip as he climbed under the covers. "This is

cozy." He looked over at the mound on the far edge of the bed.

"Remember, now, Scully, if you even so much as touch me with the

tip of your little toe, I'll scream."

He saw the covers shaking with silent laughter. He said, "Nite."

A muffled "nite" responded. Mulder switched the lamp off, turned

over with a smile and closed his eyes to try to sleep. His mind

was working much too actively, however, to sleep right away, so he

spent the first few hours thinking. And the subject of his

thoughts was just a foot away from him.

"Scully," he thought. "I love her. What the hell am I going to do

about that? I could tell her now, but what if the feeling isn't

mutual?" He felt his heart skip a beat at the thought of Scully

not loving him back. He didn't think he could bear it, if he were

to declare himself and she turned away from him. For another hour

his mind continued to mull over the situation until, exhausted, he

slept.

Sometime during the night, Scully found herself snuggling against

a very long and lanky body, her arm around his shoulder, her legs

against the back of his legs, her head nestled against his back.

She was so sleepy, though, that she just decided to enjoy it, and

drifted off again.

Mulder swam up out of a deep sleep, sliding his hand under his

pillow for his gun before being fully awake. Then he realized

where he was, and who seemed to be wrapped around his body. He

relaxed, then started to become VERY aware of the sensation Scully

aroused in him. Her fragrant, soft, warm body was pressed against

his, and he groaned aloud. He turned gently onto his back, and

Scully restlessly put her leg over his legs, with a knee in quite

a sensitive area. Her breasts nuzzled his shoulder. He was going

crazy.

"Calm down. She's your friend. Don't do anything to lose that."

He took a deep breath, trying to control his rampaging hormones.

Suddenly, a muffled noise from somewhere outside their window

caught his attention. He cautiously slid away from Scully and sat

up on the side of the bed. Mulder noticed that the time on the

glowing digital clock was 2:58 as he pulled his gun from under the

pillow and crept to the front of the room. He heard another noise,

but couldn't identify it.

Standing between the window and the door, he used his gun to move

the curtain slightly to the side so he could peer out. Nothing.

He moved to the door and peered through the peephole. Nothing.

A murmur from the bed distracted him for a moment, but Scully had

only turned over in her sleep. He debated going outside alone, but

knew that Scully would kill him if she woke to find him gone with

no sign as to where he had disappeared. And besides, he needed to

have her secure the door when he went out.

Sitting on the bed, he nudged Scully's shoulder, then Leaned over

her and put his mouth near her ear. "Scully. Wake up." More

murmuring and snuggling deeper into the covers was her only

reaction. "Scully." This time, she sleepily wrapped her arm

around Mulder's neck and began nuzzling his ear. "Mmmmmm," she

sighed.

Her perfect mouth was just too close and desirable for comfort, and

Mulder was only human. His lips covered hers, and the feeling of

intense desire swept over him. But the little nagging problem that

someone could be lurking outside who had evil designs on them

enabled him to push himself away from Scully.

"I'm going outside; you need to lock up behind me and watch through

the window for trouble. I heard some noises out there. OK? You

awake now?"

Scully nodded, more confused than anything. She was still rummy

from sleep, with a languid, unfulfilled longing thrumming along her

nerves. She shook off most of the dreamy fog and slipped out of

bed to locate her gun. Mulder had already pulled on his pants and

shoes and was unfastening safety locks on the door.

She blinked sleepily and he was gone. Hurriedly, she re-locked the

door, then peered out of the window. She saw Mulder checking

behind and between parked cars and then he disappeared to her left,

down the sidewalk that ran in front of the motel rooms. A minute

went by; two; three. Finally, she heard a tapping on the door and

a quiet, "It's me. Didn't see anything."

She quickly let him in, re-locked everything, then turned to him

and said, "Did you kiss me?"

He grinned and said, "Don't tell me that you're dreaming about me,

now, Scully."

She looked confused again for a moment, then said, "No, you can't

weasel out of this. I caught you. You *did* kiss me." She moved

to within an inch of him and gazed up into his eyes.

She had an unreadable expression on her face, and Mulder was

getting very nervous.

Scully suddenly turned her face toward the window, as she thought

she heard a sound nearby. She looked up at Mulder again, and said,

"Hold that thought," with a finger to his lips.

He was totally at a loss with this new situation, and

apprehensively eyed Scully as she went to the window and peered

out. After a minute went by, she came back toward him with a

purposeful look in her eye. What Mulder didn't know was that

Scully had seen two police officers headed toward their door with

a very set look to their faces. Their police car was near the

street, blue and white bubble lights flashing on the roof. She had

decided to carry on with their undercover personas so the cops

might be fooled when they took in the motel room scene. Besides,

she loved pulling Mulder's chain.

(Continued in Part II)

(Disclaimer in Part I)

HONEYMOON FROM HELL

by Gerry Hill (fox42@ix.netcom.com)

Part II

She reached him and stood closer than before, so that their bodies

touched. A sheen of sweat broke out on his forehead. Then his

eyes widened as he felt her fingers on his pants zipper, tugging it

down.

"Scully?" he thickly asked. "What..."

"Shhhh," she said. "I want you to make love to me."

His arousal was instantaneous at her words and he pulled her up

against his body. He bent his head and kissed her, but this time

he found it mutual, and she was more aggressive. Her tongue probed

his mouth, exciting him even more. She was impatiently trying to

push his pants down past his hips, but everything froze when

someone knocked on the door. Loudly.

"What the hell!" he exclaimed.

"Police! Open up!" More pounding.

Mulder took one look down at the agonizingly desirable and rumpled

Scully, shook his head, and muttered, "Great timing." He headed

for the door trying with difficulty to re-adjust and fasten his

pants. Before he could do so, however, the door burst inward,

ripping the safety chain's screws entirely free. The door hit

Mulder a glancing blow, then it bounced against the wall.

Both Mulder and Scully held their hands out from their bodies in

clear view, knowing the cops had a lot of adrenalin racing through

their systems right now.

"On the floor!" The older officer gestured with his gun.

Mulder figured that this wasn't the time to point out that a motel

carpet is not something he wanted to be lying on, so he did as they

told him. He noticed that his left forearm hurt where the door's

edge had caught him. He felt handcuffs snap onto his wrists behind

his back, and heard the same sound repeated in Scully's direction.

While one held a gun on them, the other leaned over each in turn

and patted them down.

Because Mulder and Scully were working undercover, they couldn't

announce who they were and show ID, not in the middle of a case.

Now what?

The older cop seemed to relax a little when the prisoners were

secured and he didn't have to worry about getting shot anymore. He

made the requisite Miranda statement, then said, "I'm Officer Phil

Hansen and this is Officer Jeff Clement. We have a search warrant

for drugs and firearms, and intend to thoroughly check out these

premises. Get up." He motioned with his gun for them to stand.

It wasn't easy to get to their feet with hands bound behind them,

and Mulder noticed Officer Clement giving Scully some extra help.

Since there was a convenient radiator running along the front wall

under the window, they were both cuffed to it while the officers

went about their business. Scully's left wrist was secured, and

Mulder's right, and the radiator was low enough on the wall that

sitting on the floor was more comfortable than trying to stand,

especially for Mulder.

Mulder asked Officer Hansen, who was proceeding to take the bed

apart, "Can you tell us what this is all about? We were on our

honeymoon, on our way to Niagara Falls. You're kinda putting a

crimp in it."

Officer Hansen said, "Sure," without pausing in his work. "Two

well-dressed people were seen around town, packing weapons. That

made certain authorities curious, so they were followed to see if

they were a threat to the community." He turned then to look at

them. "We spotted you running around the motel parking lot with a

gun this morning, so we radioed Judge Cantwell, he gave us the go-

ahead, and here we are."

Mulder and Scully looked at one another, and Scully said to Hansen,

"So, just because we had guns, and without checking to see whether

or not we had permits, you decided we had to be big-time drug

dealers?"

"Not big-time," was the reply.

They thought about that for a moment.

Hansen continued his search, and Mulder whispered, "So, what the

hell do we do now? We can't call Skinner and blow our covers, and

we damn sure can't do our job from a jail cell. Maybe Skinner

should have cleared this thing with the local authorities after

all."

Scully replied, "When they don't find anything, they'll have to let

us go, Mulder."

"Normally, but they could hold us for not having permits, and in

this town, that could mean 72 hours."

"No whispering," Hansen commented, looking pointedly at the pair

bound to the radiator.

Then Mulder asked, "Hey, since you look as though you're going to

be awhile, would you mind turning on TV? I'm missing 'Cycle

Chicks-a-Rama.'"

To his astonishment, the cop found the remote and switched the TV

on. "Always like to work with some noise in the background. I

raised eight children and if it gets too quiet, it makes me

nervous."

And to Scully's astonishment, there actually was some awful

motorcycle movie in progress, with some siliconed beauties astride

the bikes; leave it to Mulder to know when something like this was

running in a one-horse town in Pennsylvania.

Scully ignored the television and watched Clement's and Hansen's

search techniques with a critical eye. Mulder, on the other hand,

was engrossed in the movie, at least this part, where the babes

were jumping up and down and yelling at some guy for denting one of

their bikes.

During the commercial, his attention was drawn to Scully, who

looked so sexy in the t-shirt. It had ridden higher when she sat

on the floor with her arm extended up to where it was cuffed, and

it stretched across her chest. "I'm with Spooky" was readable,

lending a weird accent to the picture. A mixture of love and

desire swept over him, and he closed his eyes for a second. Why

had they waited so long to express what they had both apparently

been feeling?

When he opened his eyes again, he saw Officer Clement eyeing Scully

a little too enthusiastically for his taste. Mulder's glare would

have reduced the cop to a puddle of goo if he had looked his way,

but he was too enraptured with the lovely view of Scully he was

admiring.

Finally, credits rolled on the TV movie, and then some early

morning news came on. Something caught Scully's attention.

"Did they just say that someone had been arrested for those

honeymoon disappearances?" she asked.

Officer Clement eagerly spoke up. "Yeah. One of the victims

managed to escape around suppertime yesterday from the cellar where

all the others were being held. We heard at the station that

they've arrested an old lady and her son. No one got killed." He

seemed a little let down by this.

Mulder eagerly said, "If that case has been solved, then we can

tell you the truth and get out of here."

Hansen and Clement looked interested.

Scully continued where Mulder left off. "This is Special Agent Fox

Mulder and I'm Special Agent Dana Scully. We're FBI agents from

Washington, and were sent here in an undercover capacity on the

disappearing honeymooners case."

Clement snickered and went into the bathroom to continue his

search.

"It's true," Mulder insisted, to an amused Hansen. "Call Assistant

Director Walter Skinner at FBI Headquarters and he'll explain

everything. I'll give you the phone number, and you can check it

out.

Officer Hansen snorted, and said, "It's 3:55am. No one will be

around to back up a stupid story like that, and you know it."

Scully said, "There will be someone on duty and they can contact AD

Skinner at his home in an emergency."

Clement stuck his head out of the bathroom and loudly commented,

"And besides, government agents aren't allowed to 'fraternize' on

the job, are they? Remember, we caught you with your pants down."

Snickering again at his cleverness and sense of humor, he

disappeared back into the bathroom.

Scully blushed, and admitted, "I saw you approaching our room when

I looked out the window, and I...we were just trying to maintain

our cover. Right, Mulder?" She looked at him with wide innocent

eyes.

He was flabbergasted. Did this mean that she was pretending all

that passion and that she didn't really love or want him in that

way at all? God, what should he do now? Surely she knew that he

wasn't role-playing when they were in that body lock. He hadn't

known that the cops were out there. He nervously swallowed, then

said, "Uh, right."

Hansen surprised himself by asking for the phone number and writing

it down, along with AD Skinner's name. No way these two were FBI

agents, but there was something about the woman's authoritative

manner and dignity she projected even in that ridiculous t-shirt...

He went out to use the radio in the car for a patch-through and

some help on making the connections.

Officer Clement had pretty much finished the search of their motel

room, and had thrown the mattress back in place so he could sit

back and keep a comfortable eye on the prisoners. At least one of

them, anyway. "The woman sure is a pretty little thing, but that

guy is a mean-looking sonofabitch," he mused to himself.

Trying to make small talk, he asked Scully, "Can I get you anything

to make you more comfortable, m'am?"

She just shook her head tiredly. "The only thing I want right now

is to get some sleep. Hope that call doesn't take too long."

A few minutes later they could hear the car door slamming outside,

and Mulder raised his eyebrows at Scully. "Shit. That was either

an incredibly fast connection, or he couldn't stir up anyone with

any answers. Want to make a bet on which one?"

"I thought you weren't going to bet anymore, Mulder. I just take

your money all the time."

Officer Hansen's expression was stony when he returned to the room.

He looked at Officer Clement and said, "Get the cuffs off of them.

They're FBI agents." Clement looked frozen in surprise, then

hurriedly got off the bed. He poked around in his pocket for the

key, then unlocked Scully's handcuffs. He gently pulled them from

her wrist and helped her to her feet (again).

Mulder took all this in with a scowl.

"Here, give the key to me. I'll do it." Mulder snatched the key

from Clement and freed himself, then tossed the key and handcuffs

onto the bed, barely missing Clement as they whizzed by his ear.

Officer Hansen apologized to the agents and said, "Whew. I thought

that boss of yours was gonna melt the paint off my car when I got

hold of him. He wants to talk with you," he inclined his head

toward Mulder.

"Great. Can you get the call routed to this phone?" He picked the

instrument off the floor and put it back on the nightstand.

"Already being done." The phone rang at that point, and Mulder

picked up the receiver.

"Mulder."

He stood with his head bent, listening intently for at least a

couple of minutes without saying a word. Then he tried getting in

a word or two. "Sir...yes, sir...NO! Absolutely not!...well, it

was supposed to look like that, you know...Sir, I resent the

implication on behalf of Scully and myself...Yes, sir. First

thing."

He hung up, looking more peeved than ever.

Officer Hansen said, "Your hide still attached, son?" He laughed,

then added, "We're off duty; actually we should have been off duty

twenty minutes ago. Could we buy you folks breakfast by way of

apology? And I won't even bring up once the fact that you should

have informed us that you would be in our territory undercover, so

to speak."

Mulder and Scully both declined politely, saying they were really

tired and just wanted to catch a few more hours of sleep before

heading back to Washington. They kept the innocent, weary act up

until they finally shut the door on the cops (Mulder propping a

chair under the doorknob because the locks were broken), and turned

to each other.

Scully asked, "First things first. What did Skinner say to you?"

Mulder winced and said, "Officer Hansen told him what was going on,

but indelicately described what it looked like we had been doing

when they broke the door down."

"Skinner thinks we were sleeping together?"

"Yup. I tried to explain that it was supposed to look that way,

being on a honeymoon and all as part of our cover, but he wasn't

listening. He wants us in his office as soon as we can get a

flight back in the morning."

Scully closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them and said,

"Oh, great. We do such a good undercover job that even our

supervisor falls for it, and now we're in trouble."

Mulder put his hands on her shoulders and said, "Scully, what we've

got to do is pack, catch the next flight out to D.C., go directly

to the office from the airport, and see Skinner. We'll be tired

and dragging our asses, which may garner some sympathy, and it will

impress on him how seriously we are taking the accusation he's

throwing at us."

Scully was gazing in awe at this master of manipulation. She was

seeing a side of Mulder heretofore hidden.

Mulder went on with his master plan. "We need to make Skinner feel

guilty that he would think us culpable of such unprofessional

conduct; put him on the defensive when we remind him that *he* made

the decision to not notify the local authorities that we were in

the area. Play up our suffering at the shake-down we got from

Hansen and Clement." He gingerly touched his forearm where he

could feel a tender lump forming.

"Then what?" Scully said admiringly, enchanted with this

Machiavellian scenario.

"Why, then go home and screw like rabbits."

He barely ducked in time to avoid the small, hard fist coming like

a missile toward his head.

 The End