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It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. No, I’m not thinking of that book by that hack named Dickens. I am thinking of Survivor and Big Brother. For in the summer of 2000 CBS introduced us to a show that gave us all a new reason to live and another show that made us want to destroy our television set and take up reading books again. But the good overpowered the bad, and by the time Richard the snake collected the million dollars on the Survivor island, nobody cared what George the nut was doing over in the Big Brother house. And that’s just the way it should be.

Survivor was totally addicting. There’s just no question about it. For the first few weeks of the show, I avoided watching it. It was too trendy, I thought. I told myself that it looked too stupid and that I wouldn’t waste my time. But the show was an almost instant hit, and the press it received eventually got to me. I decided to check it out one week, and I was soon hooked.

The premise of the show was simple. Sixteen people were dumped on a desert island. Every three days, a meeting of the "tribal council" took place in which someone was voted off the island by his fellow castaways. The tribal councils were shown once a week for thirteen weeks. And so it went until the last one on the island after 39 days received one million dollars. (By the way, 3 multiplied by 13 equals 39.) It all boiled down to a final episode in which only four of the original 16 remained.

The show had a formula for success. Everybody had a favorite to win the million, and some weeks your favorite would be voted off. I personally liked Jenna (the resident island hottie), but I didn’t really want her to win the million. I just wanted to look at her. But, then, she got voted off a few weeks before the final episode, so, alas, it wasn’t meant to be.

The island had a memorable cast of characters. The most memorable character on the island for just about everyone who watched the show was no doubt Rudy Boesch, whom we all called "Rudy." (There were no last names on Survivor. We knew everybody on a first-name basis.) Rudy was a crotchety old ex-Navy SEAL who didn’t associate much with the young’uns on the island with him. That didn’t mean he always kept his mouth shut, though. Every week you’d tune in, just waiting to hear some of Rudy’s latest deep thoughts. Thank goodness Rudy lasted as long as he did on Survivor (he was there through the final episode). The show just wouldn’t have been the same without him.

Just how great was Rudy? Well, in response to Dirk, the religious young castaway who brought a Bible with him to the island, Rudy quipped, "I’m religious, but the only reason I’d bring a Bible is if I needed toilet paper." There was Rudy’s reaction to having five of the female castaways sleep with him on a rainy night: "The young guys might’ve liked it. But it’s a pain in the ass to me." And let’s not forget Rudy’s heartfelt summary of his feelings for his fellow castaways: "I’ll probably never see these people again. It’s the way I want it." Believe me, I could fill a whole page with Rudy-isms, but my editor probably wouldn’t like that.

While I loved Rudy, he wasn’t my favorite of the final four contestants to win. That one would be Sue. I just liked her. She was tough, but wasn’t afraid to cry. Plus, since she worked as a truck driver, she probably could have used the money as much as anybody. But she wound up being voted off the island in that final episode, as was Rudy. The final two contestants were Kelly and Richard. But even though she was voted off, Sue had one last moment to shine.

In giving a speech as to why she would vote for Richard to win the million and not Kelly, Sue delivered a blistering verbal attack to Kelly, saying that if she saw her lying in the middle of the road, dying, she wouldn’t even offer Kelly a drink of water. That’s how much Sue hated Kelly in that last episode. It was a very memorable speech. So memorable, in fact, that TV Guide ranked it as one of the top moments in television history. Richard, the conniving snake who had dubbed himself the "fat naked fag," took home the million.

The whole Survivor phenomenon was huge. It was one of the biggest things to hit television in years. The final episode was the most watched television program since the Super Bowl in January. Families crowded around the television to watch it. The fact that CBS managed to keep the winner of the show a secret is a feat in itself. And the 16 contestants, who were previously nobodies, are all celebrities, with some even getting small roles in upcoming television shows. In short, Survivor was fascinating television.

Big Brother, on the other hand, is terrible television. In this show, 10 strangers were picked to live in a house with each other for three months. Every other week, viewers would call a 1-900 number to vote a member of the house out. The houseguest remaining takes home $500,000. Doesn’t sound too bad, does it? Think again. Because CBS screwed this show up in just about every way it could.

A lot of people have said that what has killed Big Brother is that none of the housemates are interesting. Not so. We just see them too often. Big Brother airs six nights a week. Six! If Survivor was shown that often, I can guarantee you it would not have been the success it was. For on Survivor, producers have multiple days’ worth of footage to edit down into one half-hour or hour spot. It’s relatively easy to find something that’s juicy and interesting. With a show that airs just about every day, producers have only 24 hours of footage to work with. That can get pretty boring, especially when the network burdens the show with lame games and uninteresting scenarios.

That’s right. In an effort to keep things nice and friendly in the house, CBS would give the housemates lame "challenges" to participate in and even a dog to play with. They even kept a psychiatrist on hand so that the people could vent their frustrations to him rather than their other housemates (thereby avoiding any possible confrontations). Also, no sex or nudity could be shown on Big Brother. Now, granted, American TV is much stricter than European TV, where they can show all that stuff. But CBS at least could have pushed the envelope a little. They didn’t even try. Because, no matter how you sugarcoat it, CBS is still your grandmother’s television network.

Now, CBS isn’t all to blame for Big Brother being one of the most boring shows in the history of television. Viewers voted out the most interesting houseguests. The first two people voted off the show were William, a member of a national hate group, and Jordan, a disgruntled stripper. They could have caused some real tension in the house, no matter how many kid gloves CBS treated the show with, but viewers cast them aside. They also voted out Karen, a depressed housewife who, if not voted out, would no doubt have snapped on national television. Now, that would have been entertainment. Heck, even Brittany, the virgin with the Amazing Technicolor Hair, was voted out of the house. Viewers have to shoulder at least some of the blame for Big Brother being as unwatchable as it is.

Despite all this, though, Big Brother has been a pretty big hit in the ratings for CBS. Its ratings are 25 percent higher than what CBS was scoring at this time last year (keep in mind, though, that the competition on other networks is mainly reruns). It’s nowhere near as big a hit as Survivor was, though. Trust me, folks: If CBS only aired the show once a week, and didn’t interfere with the houseguests quite so much, it’d be much better, and more of a hit. Many of the Survivor castaways are household names and minor celebrities. The Big Brother gang can only dream of that.

Survivor has proven so big that Survivor II, which will have 16 new contestants and will be set in the Australian Outback, is already in the pre-production stages, and is set to debut in January. In fact, the whole 13-episode series is being rerun this week and next on CBS (which is located on Channel 2 on the Marist College television dial). If you missed out the first time, now’s your chance to see it again. Big Brother, meanwhile, airs Mondays through Saturdays at 8:00 pm. The final episode will air Sept. 29. Watch the show if you must, but be warned: it’ll put you to sleep if you’re not careful. For much better television, check out the repeats of Survivor. You won’t be disappointed.