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Disclaimer: Don't own 'em.
Okay, you wacky and crazy people out there. Kim didn't want me to put
any cliches' in the story, so I thought I'd write a little diddy with using
nothing but their names. And it goes something like this.
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"Son of a bi-" Buck Wilmington growled at no one in particular. He was
walking to the saloon to meet Vin Tanner, Chris Larabee, Josiah Sanchez,
Nathan Jackson, Ezra Standish, and J.D. Dunne. "When I get my hands on
J.D.!"
The batwing doors swung violently as Buck entered.
"Hey Buck, over here." J.D. jumped up and waved Wilmington the the table being occupied.
"Damnit, J.D., how many times do I have to tell you. Don't go flashing that stupid badge. Your gonna get yourself killed."
Dunne gave Buck a flabbergasted look. "What are you talking about?"
"I just came over here from the bank and the new teller is telling everybody coming and going about the Easterner J.D. Dunne, who's acting as sheriff in this town. Do you know what will happen if some would- be robbers were casing the place and overheard that. They'd hunt you down in a heartbeat."
"Geez, I'm sorry, Buck. I was only trying to impress Miss Donna. I didn't think anything about it."
"Well, J.D., think next time okay." Wilmington finally sighed expelling the rest of his pent-up frustration and grabbed a chair.
"Somehow, I don't think you're all worked up over J.D. So tell us whats really bothering you." Chris raised his coffee and waited.
"Aw, hell. Its them damn fic writers' again. Everytime I find some time for one of the ladies, they decide I'm needed to protect one of your asses. No offense." Wilmington added the last to keep the peace.
"None taken, Buck. But you have to admit, even though your not spending time with those ladies, the female fic writers' are giving you their undivided attention." Josiah dropped a card on the table and waited for Ezra to throw him another.
"Yeah, your right Josiah. I guess I didn't realize I had it so good." Wilmington smiled at the thought.
"I don't know, Josiah. All the attention their paying me, hurts like hell." Vin folded his hand of cards.
"Well, as in life, Mr. Tanner. There is good and then there is evil. And I'm afraid the demented ones just can't seem to keep their lovely claws off of you." Ezra smiled, loving any pleasure at taunting Vin.
"I wouldn't gloat iffen I was you Ezra. Your not that far behind Vin in the torture department. They even have an Ezra Hurtaholics Webpage. And from some that I'm in, your hurting pretty bad." Nathan raised the new hand just dealt him to eye level.
"Why thank you for pointing that out, Mr. Jackson. I had tried to repress those unpleasant feelings they had bestowed upon me." Standish grimaced at the very ideas.
"Well, at least you can remember them, Ezra. I stay unconscious or in nightmares all the time." J.D. took a gulp of milk as a certain scene popped into his head.
"Yeah, J.D. thats what we-" Buck suddenly stopped and looked around the table and then around the near empty saloon.
"Something wrong, Buck." Larabee turned to Wilmington noticing his abrupt halt.
"Do you feel like somethin's not quite right?"
"What do ya mean, Buck." Jackson turned until he was facing Wilmington.
"Well, I don't know. I just noticed as I was talking to the J.D.-" Buck caught the unsual word pattern. "Hey, wait a minute. Everytime I try to call J.D. * . See, I can't even say it normal. Chris, try to call Vin a *. Damnit. What the hell's going on?"
They each began looking around when they noticed none of them could utter the endearments they loved to acknowledge the others by.
"I have a sneaking suspicion." Larabee glanced from Vin to the back corner, which was the only other table being occupied. "Come on."
They got up and walked to the guest, who was hunched over and writing frantically.
"I thought so." Chris reached over and threw the hat off the other's head.
"Hey, I was in the middle of something here. Do you mind?" Maggie gave Chris a deadly glare.
"Yeah, we do mind. How come I can't call J.D. *?" Buck sighed in anger.
"Don't worry, Buck, I know what you mean." Maggs turned back to her paper but Larabee jerked the pencil from her grasp.
"You are really beginning to bug me." Maggie stood up and faced off with Chris.
"What a shame. Now are you gonna tell us what your up to or are we gonna have to do this the hard way." Chris pushed his hat back and looked to Vin at his right.
"You know Maggs, we've got the pencil now, and you wouldn't want us to do something drastic." Tanner LEANed against the bar and let a slow grin crease his lips.
"Uh. What would you guys know about writing a fanfic. I dare ya!" Maggie stepped back from the pages she had just written and motioned for them to take over.
"What do you say?" Chris saw the mirroring grins on the others, so sat down and began his addition.
After about three lines and an uncharacteristic laugh from Larabee, he stood up and handed the pencil to Josiah.
"Thank you." Josiah wrote a few more lines and they passed it around until lastly it was Vin's turn.
"Chris, you mind writing it for me." Larabee smiled and took the instrument back.
"Go ahead." But before Tanner started, he turned to Maggie.
"Would you mind waiting over there. I don't want ya to hear me." Vin gave Maggs a wink and of course she agreed to go.
"Fine. This should be good." Maggie sauntered to their vacated table and sat down to wait.
About fifteen minutes later, they were all seated and listening to Ezra read their handiwork. Maggie began to get nervous as she saw the evil glares and chuckles thrown at her.
"Great. Now I've created monsters." Maggs sighed.
"Okay, Maggie. Here ya go." Chris handed their masterpiece to her and stood around waiting.
"What?" Maggs gave them a puzzled look.
"Why, we want you to read it of course. We know none of our ideas will surface until someone else has perused the contents." Standish pulled at his sleeves and took a seat opposite her.
"I'm gonna hate this right?" Maggie's only reply was the grinning faces of the others. "Oh well. Here goes nothing."
Maggs settled back and began to read. As she got half way through, she stopped. "Alright I resent this. How come Cassie, Judy, Kim, Penny, and Mog don't even have a scratch and I'm laying out in the middle of the desert with two bullet holes and an arrow sticking out of my leg. Isn't that a little overboard?"
Chris ran a hand through his hair in thought. "No. Read on."
Maggs sighed thinking of torturous ways to get back at Kim for making her right this story without letting them have their cliches'. But, instead read on and regretted every word.
After she finished she threw down the papers in frustration.
"How does it feel?" Buck leaned back in his chair and smiled.
"I wouldn't gloat if I were you, Buck. You know what they say about revenge." Maggie glowered at Wilmington.
"Don't feel bad Maggs. Alls fair in Love and WAR!" Vin patted Maggie on the shoulder and then left with the others.
"Well, in that case." Maggs grabbed her paper and pencil once more and
began erasing every good thing they had written about Kim, Penny, Mog,
Cassie, and Judy. "Hmmm, they don't have to know that was me." The most
evil grin passed over Maggie's face as she wrote the dreaded words, 'and
a band of ugly, smelly, lowdown outlaws grabbed the five women and rode
off into the night as the seven protectors of Four Corners watched,
unable to help, because of the shackles on their hands and the gun being
trained on them.' Adios, pards!" The maniacle laughter shook the rafters
of the saloon as Maggie rushed to her keyboard.
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No plot, no real reason for writing this, but hey you shoulda have deleted
when you saw my name. ;-D
Maggs, (feedback welcome)eagleimaggs_7@yahoo.com
Now Kim, is this what you were talking about. No cliches, nothing but
names. No endearments, which that was extremely hard to do.
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