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Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: Ain't mine.
Author's Notes: Well, I'm become majorly depressed from my own fanfic
these past few days and thought a little comedy would do the trick.
Hope
you enjoy!
feedback welcome! eagleimaggs_7@yahoo.com
****************************
The saloon was somberly quiet compared to a regular weeknight. No one
was inside the place except for the seven protectors'. Ezra was at
a
table by himself flipping cards over at random and then mumbling when
he
ran out of cards and had to start over. Nathan was sitting near the
entrance with a medical book laid out in front of him and was
concentrating intently on every word.
Josiah was occupying a table with JD and Buck. He seemed to be lost
in
thought but if you listen closely you could hear him reciting prayer
after prayer. The teen had taken off his gunbelt and was staring at
it.
The pistols were laying in front of JD like a plate of food would be,
but the boy wasn't finding it appealing. Buck was starting on his second
bottle of whisky for the day. He looked like he hadn't been in bed
for a
week or bathed in that time.
The only two who looked normal was Chris and Vin. They were sitting
quietly at the back table sharing a bottle. They hadn't spoken but
that
was nothing unusual. What was unusual was the tracker wasn't focusing
on
anything or anybody. Ever once in a while Larabee would reach over
and
push the glass closer to the bounty hunter's hand, but no response.
The
gunslinger would sigh and stare out the window once more.
Mary Travis had had all she could take. She had been watching this same
scene for the past three days. Something had to be done, so she walked
quickly to the telegraph office to wire for help.
***********************
Mary met the noon stage and sighed happily as she saw the familiar blond
step out.
"Cassie." The widow waved her hand to get the girl's attention.
"Hi, Mary. I came as soon as I could. Whats wrong?" Cass stepped up
to
the woman and quickly noted the worry and fatigue in her features.
"Its the guys. I don't know whats happened. Its like their zombies or
something. They hardly speak, much less move from the saloon. I
remembered you saying you were studying Counsenling in graduate school,
so I thought you'd be able to help." Mary began to smile as Cassie
nodded her head.
"I'll do what I can. Show me where they are." The two women walked
swiftly to the tavern and stopped just inside the batwing doors.
"Oh my!" Cass's hand flew to her mouth. "This is bad." She looked at
each man slowly and began shaking her head in despair.
"What is it, Cassie?" The widow just knew something tragic had befallen
the men.
"I'm afraid their all suffering from the same thing."
Mary stared at the woman and waited with bated breath.
The blond finally let her gaze rest on the worried face of Ms. Travis.
"They all have Fan Fic Disorder."
The widow gasped. "You mean..."
Cassie nodded slowly. "Yep. They've lost their character personalities."
Both women glanced around at the sad site. "What could have done this?"
Mary looked intently to the girl.
"The only thing I can think of," Cass paused to take a breath. "Is
Maggie's deathfic. She's pushed them over the edge."
Ms. Travis nodded thoughtfully as she remembered the stories Cassie
was
referring to. "Isn't there anything we can do?"
The blond creased her brows together in concentration. "We have to do
something drastic. Its the only way I know of."
"But what?" The women let ideas roll over their head until Ms. Travis
turned a smile to the other. "I think I have a plan. Come on."
*****************************
The afternoon silence was suddenly interrupted with a volley of gunfire.
The seven glanced outside and saw horses' fly by carrying bandits
wielding pistols. The windows began shattering as the bullets made
contact causing the protectors' to come out of their stupor and take
cover.
"What the hell should we do?" JD gazed at his best friend who was
cowering beside him.
"Stay right where we're at, kid. If we go out there, we may get killed."
Buck's voice cracked on the last word.
The teen chanced a look to the preacher on his other side, but was met
with a kneeling Josiah praying profusely. JD knew something needed
to be
done, so he reached for his fallen colts in front of him, but stopped
before his hand actually touched one.
Ezra was trying to gather his scattered cards, ignoring the shouting
and
gunfire coming from outside. "Where are you my dear? I know my queen
cannot be seperated from the deck." Standish looked around frantically
for his lost card. As he spotted the wandering woman, the lantern above
his head was hit by a bullet and shattered all over the gambler. Ezra
grabbed the wayward card and scurried back under the table.
Nathan had grabbed his book and placed himself securely under the table
never missing a sentence as he continued to read.
Chris had jerked the tracker from his chair and slung him underneath
the
overturned table. Larabee never let his grip loosen afraid any broken
contact would result in the loss of Tanner. Vin, however, still hadn't
made a sound or movement. He just kept staring at nothing.
The women pulled their horses' to a halt outside the saloon, looking
inside with puzzlement.
"I don't understand. They didn't even fire back." Judy pushed her hat
back from her face and stared at Mog, who was stopped to her right.
"I'm stumped. Their not even inside, are they?" Maria gave Penny a
questioning glance to her right.
"Cassie said they were. I don't think they left. Cass?" Penn leaned
forward and shot the blond a raised eyebrow.
"When Mary and I left, they were here. I checked with her before we
started the ride, and she said they still hadn't moved." Cassie's
shoulders' slumped in defeat. *It should have worked.*
"Maybe we weren't believeable enough." Kim slid her colt back in its
holster as she relaxed in her saddle.
"Yeah. We were aiming high." Diana fiddled with her reigns thinking
how
depressing it was to think the guys would never be the same.
"No. It will work. We just have to try harder." Cassie was one who
didn't believe in giving up, especially if she knew she was right.
"Maybe we should go get Maggs." Penny began backing her horse from the
sidewalk.
"No way. She's the one who started this mess." Kim huffed as she turned
her mount around.
"Then, maybe she's the one who can fix it." Judy looked confidently
at
the women around her. She had faith in the dark haired girl.
Cassie studied the apparently empty saloon and mulled over what the
others' had just said. "Judy's right. We need Maggs."
***************************
"What do you mean, blow up the saloon?" The six girls' stared shocked
at
the dark haired woman.
"Just what I said. You guys asked for my help, well thats what I'm
telling you needs to be done." Maggie leaned against the tree and
watched the expressions on her friends' faces.
"We want them to get back to normal Maggs, not go out in the blaze of
glory. You've really gone over with this deathfic thing." Cass shook
her
head sadly at her best friend.
The girl sighed as she stood upright once again. "I didn't say we were
gonna kill them. I said to just blow up the saloon. Their all afraid
of
dying now. Thats why their cowering inside the tavern. Don't you get
it.
They think if they don't leave each other alone, or leave the same
room,
they won't die. Its that simple." Maggs shrugged her shoulders and
walked to her horse.
"I don't know, Maggie. Sounds kinda overboard if ya ask me." Penn
watched her friend as she mounted.
"Look. Cass said it had to be drastic to work. Right?" Maggie turned
to
her friend with a raised eyebrow.
"Yes, thats what I said." The blond didn't want to admit it, but
couldn't lie.
"Okay. The most drastic thing I can think of is to put them all in a
deadly situation. Since they won't leave the saloon, then we'll blow
them out of it." A maniacle grin creased the dark haired girl's face.
"Maggs. Are you okay? I mean, these mood swings are causing some wild
stories from you." Diana mounted her horse and threw a concerned look
to
her friend.
"Yeah, I know. But its actually kinda fun." Maggie laughed hysterically
as she spurred her horse toward town.
"Oh boy. Here we go again." Kim through a 'I told ya so' look to Judy,
who just shrugged her shoulders'.
"I still think she can fix this." JB turned a 'help me' gaze to Mog.
"Me too." Maria patted her friend on the back as she trotted past her.
*************************
The scene in the saloon had returned to what had become normal the past
week. Mary stood outside the doors and stared at them sadly.
"Hey, Mary. Whats up?" Maggie walked up beside the blond and leaned
on
the batwing door to glance inside.
"Hi, Maggs. Not much." The widow sighed heavily as she turned from the
horrible picture.
"They look kinda, I don't know. Pitiful." The dark haired girl shook
her
head. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. "Now I know my stories
have been kinda down, but this is ridiculous." Maggs swiveled around
to
stare at the others behind her.
"It doesn't matter right now, why they are like they are. What matters
is changing them back." Kim threw her hands in the air.
"Okay, okay. Don't get huffy. I'll set the dynamite and you guys stand
back." Maggie went to her horse and carefully removed her saddlebags.
"Are you sure this will work?" Judy glanced from the saloon to her
friend.
"Trust me. Besides, I didn't put a DEATHFIC warning in the subject."
Maggs slapped JB on the shoulder as she went to the back of the tavern.
"I think now would be a good time to take cover." Mary picked up her
skirt and rushed across the street with the others' following right
behind.
*****************************
Maggs strode out of the alleyway, happy with her work. "I love blowing
things up." Just as the young woman stepped onto the opposite boardwalk,
the saloon erupted with a huge bang.
The eight women stared at the flames lapping at the once intacted
structure, with apprehension etched on their features. They waited
patiently but still no one exited.
"Maggie?" Cass looked at her friend in concern.
"Chill. I know what I'm doing." And as if on cue, seven battered and
tattered men stumbled from the burning building.
They wiped the soot from their faces and glanced around for the culprits
they knew were behind this. The blank, zombie beings had vanished and
in
their wake was the Magnificent Seven once more.
"See I told ya." Maggs crossed her arms and grinned, but the smile
quickly disappeared as seven irate men headed their way. "I just
remembered, I've gotta go work on the Great Divide. See ya." The dark
haired girl turned and began running toward the end of town. Cassie,
Kim, Judy, Mog, Penny, and Diana were still estactic from the success
and didn't notice the impending danger.
"Uh, girls. Don't you think you should be going too." Mary began backing
up to her office door.
"Why?" Kim gave the widow a puzzled look.
"Instinct, I guess." Ms. Travis gave the six a half smile before
disappearing inside the Clarion.
"Wonder whats gotten into Mary." Judy frowned at the blond's unusual
behavior, but quickly turned back to the seven and froze. They had
fanned out in front of them and didn't look happy.
"Okay. That does it. I've had it up to here with all of ya. Can't
you
let a man in peace. It wasn't hard enough to have JD kill me, but now
you go and blow me up. Well, I've had it." Buck began to advance on
the
stunned women, but Josiah put a hand on his arm to stop him.
"Easy, brother. I don't think their the culprits here." Once again the
preacher's words of wisdom calmed the man.
"It was Maggie, wasn't it?" Chris glared at Cassie until she bowed her
head.
"Yes." The blond's voice had an unusually high pitch.
"Where is she?" Vin's voice had a deadly tinge with the hoarseness.
"Gone."
"You know, I think we should rehire the Dark Quill. I'm not feeling
very
sympathetic right now." Tanner brushed some ashes from his hat as he
turned to head to the livery.
"Vin, where ya going?" JD strapped on his guns and began to follow the
others.
"She couldn't have gotten far." Chris had fell in step with the tracker
and was wearing the same determined expression.
"So, whats the plan?" Buck was once again wearing a goofy smile.
"We could blow her up." Larabee smiled wickedly.
"Or shoot her." Tanner let a slow grin cross his face.
The six girls' watched the men walk away with something akin to joy
and
fear.
"You don't think they'll really hurt her, do you?" JB looked worriedly
at Mog.
"Of course not." Maria didn't quite believe herself.
"Well, if they do, its only because she deserves it." Kim began to
descend the steps.
"Kim. That wasn't nice." Diana gave the other a disapproving glance.
"Yeah. I mean, Maggie just hurts them out of love." Penny could
understand her friend's obsession.
"No matter. Its out of our hands now. Lets just hope her next fan
fiction doesn't cause a setback." Cassie joined the other women as
they
mounted their horses' and headed for home.
***************
The End.
