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My love's an ice-cold latte
And it's running down your shirt.
She ran down the hall, her heart racing with her feet. //I'm not gonna cry, I'm not.// But even as she thought it she could feel the tears nudging at her eyelashes.
She had seen them. The two people she never thought would even consider wanting to touch each other, let alone kiss each other. But they had been there, in the stacks. They'd been kissing.
Xander and Cordelia.
That was the sort of thing you were supposed to tell your best friend, wasn't it? That you were kissing your enemy, the person who had teased you and made your life hell for ten years, the person you hated? The person who had teased your best friend her entire life?
Especially if your best friend loved you, like she loved Xander. She knew it, he knew it, she knew he knew. They just didn't mention it, and she understood that Xander had probably thought he was doing her a favor by not telling her. Well, he was wrong on that. It was more shocking, and it hurt more to see it and to have been lied to about it, than it would have been if he had just told her outright. //Damn him.// She felt the little tears running down her cheek and she angrily brushed them away.
"Willow!"
Oh, great. He was after her. This was just what she didn't need right now. She ran a little faster. //Xander, please just leave me alone right now.//
"Willow, come on!" He sounded desperate to catch up to her, to stop her, but she wasn't buying it. //You bastard!//
She stopped running and turned on him, pleased when he had to stop short and almost slipped on the floor. "I knew it! I knew it!" He raised an eyebrow at her and she bit her lip. "Well, not 'knew it' in the sense of having the slightest idea, but I knew there was something I didn't know." She wrung her hands, and looked up at him with a look she knew must be a mix of anger, betrayal, and outright despair. He looked at the floor. "You two were fighting way too much. It's not natural!" she accused.
She turned on her heel to leave again, but he held out his hands to stay her, and, grudgingly, she did. "I know it's weird."
//Okay, that's an understatement.// "Weird?! It's against all laws of God and man! It's...Cordelia!" Willow sputtered, unaware of any other way to put it. She smugly noticed that Xander didn't seem to disagree with her observation, but then, he was looking at her like he was afraid she would clock him at any second, and she wasn't sure she wasn't going to. She went on. "Remember? The We Hate Cordelia Club? Of which you are the treasurer."
He was still holding out his hands, and she remembered with a pang that they had been wrapped in Cordelia's hair, his fingers tangling in the thick strands. //Please say it was only a one-time thing. Please say you never lied to me about this.// "I was going to tell you."
She felt her heart die. //He lied. My best friend lied to me, has been lying to me?// Then, very loudly and clearly in her head, she heard //Oh, God.//
She heard her voice crack as she yelled at him, "Gee, what stopped you? Could it be shame?"
He lowered his voice. //Probably worried Cordelia will hear us. Cordy, he's always called her. God, how long has this been going on?// The thought only made her want to yell louder. "Let's overreact, shall we?"
Willow stared at him, hurt and disbelieving that he wouldn't understand why she would react so badly to this. Did he even know her at all? "But I'm-"
Xander seemed to be getting angrier. At her. "We were just kissing. It doesn't mean that much."
'It doesn't mean that much.' He killed her for something that 'didn't mean that much'. The bastard. She felt her eyes fill up with tears that were close to overflowing. She let out a rasping breath that sounded like letting air out of a balloon, except more painful. She could feel it in her chest. Her heart was just gone.
All the anger went out of her, and all she could feel was emptiness. Except that emptiness now comprised of betrayal and pain. "No," she agreed with him.
"It just means, you'd rather be with someone you hate, than be with me."
She felt her face crumble at her own words, at his lack of denial of her words. He just stared at her, like she had revealed a truth that he had never suspected. A great epiphany. //You bastard. You always knew.//
She took one last look at him and ran down the hall, towards anything that wasn't him.
I have developed frog-eyes
From crying all the time.
I won't go out and skate with my friends,
I'll only stay inside.
Xander walked out of the bathroom at the exact instant she came in through the hall doors. She had her back turned and couldn't see him, but could feel his eyes burning on her back through her heavy sweater. She hugged herself at the cold she felt now that he was here.
She slowed her gait considerably and allowed him to catch up with her, despite all the mental warnings she was sending his way. //Go away. Right now.// "Will!"
She slowly turned to face him, and saw him flinch in empathy at her wet eyes and level gaze. It was either empathy or guilt, but she was sure that in his eyes he had little to be guilty about. "Hey," she said, pleased when her voice came out sounding cool, but not angry or hurt. She'd used that tone earlier, and all that had done was hurt her more. Empty her out.
"Where did you go?" //Why do you care?//
She replied only because of the real concern in his voice. "Home," she admitted. //Where else?//
"I'm glad you came back. We can't do this without you." He was smiling at her slightly, charmingly, but she could see how desperate he was behind it. He just expected her to melt and forgive him like she always did. He was kidding himself.
//Time to lay down the rules.// She made her voice as firm as possible. "Let's get this straight," she managed, somewhat exulted that her voice wasn't shaking. "I don't understand it, I don't want to understand it, you have gross, emotional problems?" She saw him grin a little at the last one. "And things are not okay between us." His face fell, but he nodded and pressed his lips together resolutely, as if he had been expecting this. "But, what's happening right now is more important than that."
"Okay."
She saw his face become a little less panicked, and she almost sighed with relief. They were done really talking; they could save the truth for later. For when she didn't want to cry every time he said a word to her.
"Well, what about the Judge, where do we stand?"
He looked at her with his typical research-boy roll of the eyes. "On a pile of really boring books that say exactly the same thing."
She smirked. "Let me guess-'No weapon forged?' "
" 'It took an army?' " He finished the thought for her. //Like always.// He knew her so well? Her heart broke a little more.
She quickly said anything she could think of, to cover up the look she knew must be back in her eyes. "Huh. Yeah, where's an army when you need one?" //You sound like a smart-ass, but at least you're not crying.//
Xander seemed to have grabbed a thought from her. He was staring off into space, blinking like he had something in his eye.
She considered nudging him, then quickly decided against it. //If I touch him, I'll cry.// Instead she just cleared her throat. "What?"
"Whoa.
Suddenly the lights went out, interrupting Xander's strike of genius. His voice sounded shaky as he stared blindly into the dark. "Now I'm having a wiggins."
Even to her own ears, Willow's voice was dangerously shaky. "What's going on?"
He fell into the best friend role he was so familiar with instantly, grabbing her arm in what should have been a comforting gesture. Instead, she wanted to shake him off her. Or fall into his arms. "Let's get back to the library."
She started to head back with him, when she heard a voice call out from the darkness.
"Willow? Xander?"
They turned in unison, she was un-nerved to see. Like they had the same brain. //Which is why he should have known.//
Xander spoke first. "Angel," he said, sounding somewhat happy to see the guy, but still managing to retain the 'you stole Buffy' note always evident in his tone. //Make up your mind, Xand,// she found herself thinking impatiently. //Cordy or Buffy? Who do you love?//
"Thank God you're okay! Have you seen Buffy?" She herself was relieved to hear his voice and recognize his tall frame in the shadows, especially after his long disappearance. //Well, at least Buffy will be happy.//
"Yeah," Angel said nonchalantly. He walked a little closer to the pair and looked above his head. //To Heaven,// Willow thought with a small grin. "What's up with the lights?"
Xander shook his head in frustration. "I don't know. Listen, I have an idea-"
Angel waved him off, and Willow could see Xander compiling it as just another reason to hate Angel. "Forget about that. I have something to show you."
She took a step towards him, confused. "Show us?" //Wow, when Buffy said he was cryptic, she wasn't exaggerating.//
"Yes. Xander, go tell the others."
"Okay." Willow was surprised to see Xander take off for the library immediately. Maybe he realized that, due to the situation, this was no time to be clashing with Angel. Or maybe he just wanted to be far away from her right now.
"And Willow, come here." He was sounding more and more like the cat who'd caught the canary. //Weird,// she decided, but walked closer to him.
"What is it, Angel?
He smiled, and she could see the gleam of teeth in the darkness. "It's amazing," he promised.
She walked closer, and realized that something was wrong. She could feel it in her gut, and was not at all comforted when Angel grinned at her.
But Xander...
He had left her with him.
She walked on towards the darkness, towards Angel.
