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It just doesn't make sense.
Really, it doesn't, and not even just within the confines of my limited knowledge of human emotions. No one else understands it, not even his stupid friends, who all think that they're the experts on a given thing. Or every given thing.
Children.
Well, they are! I've been around for a thousand more years than any of them, and Giles still expects me to sit around and listen to him droning on about demons. Hello, I've been one. I think I understand them a little better than some Englishman, no matter how nice his voice sounds when he talks.
I know that a lot of my distaste for them comes from their friendship with Xander. Because most nights, rather than stay in and have a romantic evening with me, he'd rather go and nearly get himself killed with them. Its stupid, and what's more, its pointless.
I just want to be a normal girl, with a normal, boring boyfriend. Not that Xander's really all that boring, its just that since he doesn't have a job or any hobbies, he doesn't have a lot to talk about. He doesn't try to leave me to go to school or pursue a career, and I like that about him. But I don't like that he wants some big meaningful fight to the death so that he can feel better about himself around his friends.
I mean, who are they to judge him, anyway? Its not like any of them are so great. Ooh, a Slayer. Not like there haven't been hundreds of thousands before Buffy, and she's not even the only Slayer! An ex-librarian-turned-singer, some idiot commando, and a witch. Ooh, feel me tingle. I know magick too, you know.
They're good people, I guess, but they act like Xander is somehow below them cause he lives in his basement and not in a dorm. Its not his fault his parents can't afford to get him into college, and he couldn't get a scholarship like Willow. He really didn?t have much of a choice.
And he's a good friend, and a good person, and a good boyfriend. Its really only that last one that I care about, anyway, but the other two are nice as well. They all seem really surprised at how in love with him I am, but they're forgetting--the last guy I courted (we didn't really 'date' back then) was the one that made me turn to vengeance in the first place. Dating someone who loves me is new. And nice. And somewhat unexpected. And nice.
First comes the love, then comes the sex, and then all that's left is vengeance. But that wasn't what happened this time, and I didn't know what to do! We fought, we broke up...and then he forgave me. Or we forgave each other, or something. What matters is, we got back together. The next day, he mentioned casually that if we ever grow old together, I should remind him to skip the mid-life crisis. Grow old together. Key words.
So I just don't get it. Xander is the sort of man no one can figure out, not even me, and our relationship seems to be mimicking him. I only hope that it goes on this way; love and sex, and no vengeance, anywhere.
Please don't break my heart, Xander. (Making you eat your own intestines is not on my 'to do' list.)
