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The Eries and Folken Files:
Chapter Five
" Until Forever "
Eries
______He was back. Like a ghost to haunt me for the rest of my life. I thought I had finally seen the last of him on his last visit with the Zaibach forces but now, here he was again. Those same features that I saw in my dreams countless of times which I tried so hard to eradicate from my memory. I thought I had gotten over him already. I was sure of it. But here I am now, standing in the shadows, breathless, my heart beating rapidly and wondering if he was still standing there outside my window. What are you doing, Eries?! a voice inside my head scolded, You're over him remember?! Stop thinking about him, before you get yourself into trouble! I sighed. Easier said than done.
______But I had to forget about him. I just had to. He was ruining my life! I clenched my fist in anger and pushed myself away from the side of the window. Holding my head up high, I walked out of the room and proceeded to indulge myself in other matters. Astoria was preparing heavily for war and the day's duties quite took my mind of from everything. And since Father was sick and all, my hands were quite full taking care of him. I was beginning to feel proud of myself. Many days had passed and not one thought about Folken had passed through my mind. I had reached the state of not caring anymore. At least I thought so.
______I sat down wearily at my study as the servant-girl brought in a late lunch. Activities at the harbor had taken up my time and it was mid-afternoon when I finally got back to the castle. Millerna was being quite helpful with the chores around and I couldn’t help feeling proud of my little sister. She had gone through a lot, I knew that. And yet she remained her cheery self. I couldn't help admiring her for it. And I admit, I couldn't really have done much without her.
______The girl set the tray down and I lifted the lid to check its contents. Chicken, roast beef, bread, corn, carrots, a...a feather? The maid was about to leave but I called her back hastily. " Where did this come from?" I asked her, holding up the feather. The girl immediately turned red. " I'm sorry, ma'am" she apologized nervously," The cook was probably skinning something and it came off its wing. I'm so, so, sorry, ma'am. It won't happen again, I promise. "
______I shook my head, thanked her for the lunch and dismissed her. When she was out of the room, I raised the feather up once more, my hands shaking as I took a look at it. " Ryugin..." I breathed out, gripping the feather in my hand. He was calling me. I knew it. I closed my eyes. What am I going to do? I thought in confusion. My resolve began to break once more and despite my inner protests not to give in, I found myself standing up and my feet moving me to the door way. I didn't know what I was doing, or where I was really going, but I recognized the familiar pathway in front of me, leading to the dungeon. Before I knew it, I was standing in front of Folken's cell and the guards were telling me that they couldn't allow anyone entrance. I looked at them, my mind still in a bit of a daze, and completely surprised my own self by pushing them away, grabbing the keys and locking the door behind me.
______The cell was dark and quite dingy. There were a few cobwebs on the ceiling but the room was very spacious and it seemed the person inhabiting it was well provided for. There was a huge machine in one corner of the room and behind it, a long wooden desk. Someone was seated behind the desk, tinkering away with some small contraption. I stayed hidden in the darkness for a while, watching him. Watching his muscles ripple across his shoulders as he bent over his work; watching a small lock of his hair fall over his eyes. My fingers itched to brush it away but I held myself back, reminding myself that I was only here to say goodbye. Yes, that was it. That was the reason why I came here. To say goodbye.
______Folken suddenly stopped his work and looked up. His back was still turned to me when he said, " Princess Eries...what can I do for you?" I started a bit, surprised how he could guess that it was me. I moved away from the shadows and entered the light. He turned from his chair and stood up to face me. And I saw his beautiful face once more.
______I can't exactly explain what had happened to me, but it was like that first time that we met. My mouth felt dry and I felt rooted to the spot somehow, unable to tear my eyes off his. My hands were trembling and I knew I would have fainted in the next second if he had not moved away to offer me a seat. I declined and we stood once more in that awkward position. This had to stop.
______" How did you know it was me?" I demanded, though deep inside I was feeling less than demanding. He smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners like it used to, something I always found so adorable. " There's only one woman in the whole of Gaea who could smell so wonderful, like jasmines in full bloom. That's how I knew ."
______Flatter me, would he? Well, I was keeping to my resolve. I wasn't about to show him how much he affected me. Come on Eries, I heard the voice inside my head say, Get on with it, then get out of here! Folken was looking at me, gauging my reaction. Well, I wasn't about to give him any. Just a cool, calm goodbye. I fished inside my robe and in seconds produced the memoriam I was about to return to him. " Here," I told him coldly, handing him the gold object," I'm returning this." He took the object from me, his hand brushing against mine. I quickly pulled my hand back, as if he had burnt me. I watched his reaction as he examined the object. " What is it?" he asked me, confused.
______I folded my arms across my chest. " It's a golden feather," I told him flatly. He arched an eyebrow.
______" But why--?"
______" It's a promise...that you gave to me long ago," I said interrupting him, anger in my voice, " I just had it plated in gold so it would remain intact till you came back. So you would now how much I treasured it. Well, I forgot about the fact that gold tarnished easily. So I'm returning it to you. I just realized I didn't want it anymore." Or you, I thought in my head.
______His head was bent and I couldn't see his face. But I knew he was struggling. With anger or sorrow, I couldn't tell. But when he finally decided to raise his head up I couldn't help but wish that he had kept it down. He looked so miserable, and the expression in his eyes were enough to make anyone cry. Anyone except me. I had gotten over that weakness long ago and I prided myself on the ability to remain hard while people broke down left and right from me.
______" Eries," he said brokenly, " I...I didn't mean to break my promise. I-I'm sorry. I know you have reason enough to be mad at me but please...give me a chance to explain." I raised an eyebrow at him.
______" There's nothing to explain, Folken. I simply grew tired of you, that's all. I just came to say goodbye. Well...goodbye..." I stepped back and proceeded to turn my back on him but he grabbed my arm.
______" The dragon almost killed me, but Dornkirk saved me," he said, holding on to my arm, " And then he told me about his plan to construct a better future for Gaea, a future without any wars. A perfect Utopia. I thought I was doing the right thing when I joined him. I thought you would be proud of me. But I was wrong. I realize that now. It was all a big mistake."
______I turned back towards him and fixed him with another stony glare. " Yeah well, you realized too late, Folken. Thousands of people died out there because of that mistake. And there's no changing that fact!" Folken looked down, his grip on my arm getting tighter. " Don't you think I know that? Don't you think I think about that?! Every waking moment I have I spend thinking about how much the people have suffered because of me; how much pain I've cost them. How much pain I...I've cost you." He took a step closer to me, his eyes searching my face. " I know you think I'm a traitor and I could very well be called one but I just want you to know...I just want you to know that in all those years that we've been apart, not once did I stop thinking about you. You were in my mind every single minute of the day and my ultimate dream was to build a perfect world where we both could live in... together. I know it's kind of hard to believe that right now but believe me when I say that I'd die a thousand deaths for you just to prove it. Just to prove how much I...I love you."
______He looked sincere and I almost believed him. Almost. But memories of all those past ten years came flooding back to me and I felt the hardened shell envelop me once more. I wanted to believe him. I really did. But I just couldn't. " You're a smooth talker, Folken," I told him harshly," But it's too late for apologies. It's too late for regrets. It's too late for anything! Forget about me, and about that stupid dream. I'm not the same Eries you used to know. Any love I've ever had for you died when you left and the only thing left now is hate. I hate you, Folken. Hate you more than anything in the whole world. I've hated you then and will continue to do so now! "
______" Eries, you...you don't mean that," Folken said, his voice all choked up. I saw the pain in his face and somehow, I felt like a knife had been stabbed through my heart. I knew the pain that he was feeling; I could understand it. It was the same feeling I had, many years ago, when I thought that he had forgotten all about me. But I wasn't about to take my words back. I did hate him. I hated him for making me cry every night. I hated him for making me worry. I hated him for making me...making me...making me love him!
______Stop it! I screamed in my head. I wasn't about to give in. I was going to walk out the door with dignity and I wasn't ever looking back. I was going to end it all. Pressing my lips together, I looked at him, my face expressionless and my voice as hard as steel. " Yes I do, Folken. With all my heart."
______I turned my back on him and walked to the door slowly. That was it. I had hurt him. Hurt him as much as he had hurt me long ago. Somehow I didn't feel too happy about it. I reached a hand out for the doorknob but before I could turn it I felt a pair of arms go around me. My eyes widened as I felt Folken hug my body to himself.
______" I don't believe that of you, Eries," he said, bending his head to whisper in my ear. " I have faith in you. I'm going to kill Dornkirk tonight and then I'm going to restore peace in Fanelia, as well as the whole of Gaea. For you, my brother and for my people. Please believe me, Eries. Don't...don't give up on me that soon. Whatever happens, Eries...I still love you."
______I could've slapped him, I could've pushed him away. But all I could do at that moment was stand there and relish the feeling of being in his arms once more. I closed my eyes and gave into the feeling of having him close to me again. Just this time. Just for this small moment in time, let him hold me like nothing ever happened. Like those ten years had never occurred. But they had. I couldn't deny that fact. Resisting the temptation to stay in his embrace and forget about everything, I reluctantly pulled away.
______" Goodbye, Folken," I told him softly and ran out the door before he could say anything else. I heard him calling my name behind me but I didn't stop running. I knew if I did I would have probably ended up in his arms again, and by then I wouldn't even have had the strength to pull away. I shut my chamber door behind me and leaned against the wall, panting breathlessly. I closed my eyes and slid to the floor. My heart was a mess. My life was a mess. I was a mess. All because of one man. One man I couldn't love yet couldn't bring myself to hate.
______I couldn't tell how many hours I had stayed there with my head in my hands but I was surprised to hear a loud trumpet blasting from outside. The war! I thought frantically. It's starting! I rushed out into the courtyard and started gathering the wives and children left outside, bringing them to a safer shelter. Millerna came out to help me, calling the rest inside the castle and bringing them into the holy chapel to pray. The skies hovered darkly above me, signaling the impending darkness everyone was about to face in their lives and the rain poured mercilessly down upon me as I patrolled the streets looking for other people who needed sanctuary. I passed by a bridge and spotted a couple standing outside in the rain. I was about to call them in but something in their faces stopped me.
______" You will return safely, won't you?" the girl said, worry lining her features. The young man nodded, looking no more than fifteen or sixteen. " I'll try. I can't promise you that I would return though. Once the war ends, my family's going back to Fanelia so if I survive, I...I have no choice but to go with them. I'm sorry. I'll try to stay..."
______" No, it's okay. That doesn't really matter to me anymore," she said, wrapping her arms around him," Just that you're safe. Promise me you'll take care of yourself. To have you alive, even if we're far apart, is more important to me than anything else in the world. Maybe we'll even see each other again someday, if we believe hard enough..."
______" Maybe," he told her, smiling softly, before leaning down to kiss her on the lips. It was an inexperienced kiss. But it was a very meaningful one, anyhow. And right then and there I knew. The book of revelation had finally turned its pages on me and I found the answer deep within my heart. The couple had taught me a valuable lesson that day and I remembered back to the day when I had said goodbye to Folken. All my words to him sounded selfish and superficial when I came to think of it now. I had only thought about myself, about how lonely it would be for me if Folken never came back. If I had really loved him I would have been thankful for the fact that he was still alive. Thankful for the fact that he still loved me, even after all those years. And he still believed in me, even after I had hurt him in the worst way possible. He asked me to trust him, to believe in him too. Well, I did now. And I hoped it wasn't to late to tell him so. To tell him to take care of himself.
______I looked up to see the girl standing on the bridge all alone, shivering in the cold so I brought her along with me to the castle. She seemed in a bit of a daze. I could understand that so I gave her a quick hug before depositing her in Millerna's care. Millerna grabbed my arm before I could go anywhere though.
______" Eries," she said sternly," You're soaked to the bone! Take those clothes off right now and get warmed up by the fire!" I struggled from her grasp. " Not now, Millerna!" I chided her. But she kept her grip firm and put a hand to my forehead. " Eries, you're burning up! Don't go back out there! You're going to catch a fever."
______I grabbed my hand away. " I'm sorry Millerna, but I simply have to do this. There are more important things after all!" I told her before rushing out the door and into the rain once more. " Eries!!!" I heard her scream but I paid no attention to her calls. She was right though. I was burning up. But that didn't really matter to me at that moment. I had to see Folken. I just had to. So much time had already been wasted. I didn't want to waste any more. I ran down the dungeon steps. Good. It was empty. The guards must have probably set off to help in the war. I ran up to Folken's cell. Damn it, it was locked! I spotted a small bench somewhere near and using what remaining strength I had left, I rammed the bench into the door, crashing through the room.
______" Folken," I breathed out as I fell to the floor. Everything was becoming a bit hazy to me but I looked around for him anyway. The cell seemed quiet as I called out his name the second time. Too quiet. Then I remembered." I'm going to kill Dornkirk tonight," was what he had told me. No! I thought frantically. I had missed him! I had arrived to late!
______I saw the contraption up in the front of the room glow brightly before it's light faded into darkness. I crawled to it, looking for a way to operate it once more. I had to find him. I had to tell him. Folken, be careful! I screamed in my head. I banged my fist on to the machine. " Why won't you work, damnit!" I screamed in frustration. The machine began whirling around and I jumped back as the small luminescent ball started glowing. My eyes widened as I saw images. I saw the mystic moon, then I saw that mysterious girl named Hitomi. I tried focusing my eyes, as my vision was getting blurry and I spotted Folken. I leaned on to the glass and watched him as he wielded his sword.
______Oh no, I thought as I saw him heading towards an old man sitting on a gigantic machine, He's going to kill him! But why wasn't the old man doing anything. Something must be up. There must be some trap!
______" Folken, don't do it!" I screamed into the large bauble. He didn't seem to hear me. The girl seemed to have looked up at me though. " Tell him not to do it!!" I screamed at her. She just stared. " Damnit, tell him it's a trap!! ...Folken!!"
______The girl suddenly turned her head and I saw what I was dreading to see. Folken's wings were outspread as he fell heavily to the ground, the sharp edge of the sword sticking up from inside his body. And he lay there, in a pool of blood, not moving.
______Dead.
______" FOLKEN!!!" I screamed. " NOOOO!!!" I banged my fist on the crystal and the bauble broke within my hands. I heard the shards fall below me, the soothing sound of breaking glass. I felt my knees go weak and I felt myself fall to the floor in a heap. I couldn't see; my vision was blurred. I couldn't breathe.
______" No," I choked out. " ...Folken..."
______god, I want to die!!! my mind screamed. The world around be began spinning and I clutched at the metal hinges of the machine for support. My eyes were burning and my throat felt heavy. The last thing I saw was sunlight stream in through the window before I felt myself falling into the darkness...
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______Millerna had been right. I did end up with a fever. She told me she had been so worried when the guards had carried me into the palace, unconscious and bleeding. My hand needed a few stitches and my head continued to throb greatly. But nothing could compare to the pain that I felt when I thought of Folken. It was like part of me had died that day. I would see him, sometimes, in my dreams but he remained unreachable. It was like every time I would run to him he would suddenly disappear in front of me or I would suddenly wake up. Wake up to the reality that he was gone.
______I didn't have the strength to go on. Without Folken, life was nothing. I couldn't even remember a time when Folken had not been in my life, in my midst or away. It was like that part of my past, before I met him, was completely erased. I knew I couldn't really go, though. The war had ended but I knew Father still needed me. Astoria needed me. Millerna needed me. I wouldn't have made it through if it wasn't for her. She had grown up to be a mature young woman, but I knew she still needed a shoulder to lean on from time to time. And I promised myself I would be there for her when she needed me. She was all I had left out of life.
______When I was able to stand up properly, she allowed me to go out. " Not too far though," she reminded me, implying that I was restricted only among the boundaries of the courtyard. Well, I was tired of listening to common sense and impracticalities. I was going to do what I should have done many years ago. I escaped the castle walls and hailed a carriage for Fanelia. I headed towards the cemetery, a large bouquet of flowers in my hand. They named the bunch 'angel's whispers.' I thought it seemed appropriate.
______Folken's grave had a large monument in it, right beside the white guymelef, Escaflowne. I smiled as I read the epitaph the people wrote upon his grave. No hard feelings. He was a hero. Well, that was what he always wanted, wasn't it? To earn his people's respect and forgiveness.
______...he was a man of great honor and he loved his country unconditionally; always seeking to give and never to receive. He was a faithful man and kept his promises until the end...
______Yes. He was a man of great honor. He was faithful, compassionate and all those other things that they said about him. He was an angel. My angel. And he loved me for all I was worth. I felt a familiar stinging on the edge of my eyes and for the first time in a very long time I felt a tear slip down my cheek. And I cried. For all those wasted years; for all my harsh words. I cried. I loved him. And I never stopped loving him. If only....if only I could have had just one more minute with him. Just one more minute to tell him that I love him. Even if we would never see each other again, I wanted him to know that he would always be in my heart.
______I knelt down and placed the flowers carefully on his grave. My hands trembled as I clutched the soil that his body was buried under. Maybe I thought that somehow, through it, I could keep a piece of him inside of me to treasure forever. Maybe. I didn't really know why I did that either. But it just made me feel closer to him somehow.
______I heard footsteps behind me and I looked up to see that strange girl walking towards me. She smiled. " I thought I would find you here," she told me softly, her hand in her pocket. I nodded. " Just paying my respects to an old friend," I told her, not sure whether I wanted her to know the truth or not. But she didn't need to know. She could feel it, I think. That was her power.
______She withdrew her hand from her pocket and produced a small golden object. She took my hand in hers and slipped it into my palm, closing my fingers around it. " I had a dream last night," she said quietly, still smiling," And he told me to give this to you. He said it was a promise. That he'll wait for you for as long as it takes. And he told me to tell you that... umm," she blushed before continuing in a softer voice," that he loves you, no matter what."
______I opened my hand to see what the golden object was. A feather. He had given me a feather. " He...he said he'd wait for me...?" I choked out, more to myself than anyone else. The girl, Hitomi, smiled.
______" You'll see each other again, someday," she told me," Just believe. Believe in it with all your heart and it can come true. Feelings can make things come true. That's what I learned here in Gaea. That was the power of Atlantis. "
______To believe? Yes, it must have been so. Believe in it with all your heart. Her words rang through my head. Well...I believed. I believed that I would see Folken again someday. I believed that someday we’d be together. I believed that he would wait for me, even of it took forever. That was the kind of guy Folken was. And that was why I loved him so much.
______" When two people are connected, distance doesn't really matter," Hitomi told me seriously. I looked at her. She was right. After all, she and Van were worlds apart but they still seemed able to communicate. That was the power of Atlantis. The power of love.
______I smiled back at her and thanked her for the message. And then I proceeded to make the long walk back home. Alone. But it didn't really matter anymore though, because now I knew that Folken would be waiting for me at the end of the road. And I knew that even if I didn't see him... he would always be by my side until the time that we could finally be together. And this time, I knew it was going to be forever.