QUOTES / I S M S
The following are my favorite quotes from the X-Files. The larger scenes can be found in the Scene's section of my web site. Don't read any of these if you don't want to be spoiled. Click on the X to hear the quote.
Little Green Men
Student: Are you ok Agent Scully? You kinda sounded a little 'spooky'.
Mulder: Four dollars for the first hour of parking is criminal. What you've got better be worth at least forty-five minutes.
Mulder: Good thing it wasn't a Double Jeopardy question.
Mulder: I live for Bach.
Mulder: Noho on the rojo.
Mulder: (recording a tape to Scully) Before, I could only trust myself. Now I can only trust
you. And they have taken you away from me.
Mulder: I may not have the X-Files, Scully, but I still have my work. And I've
still got you. And I still have myself.
The Host
Mulder: It's kind of hard to make an appointment when you're up to your ass in raw sewage.
Scully: Is this seat taken?
Mulder: No. But I should warn you, I'm experiencing violent impulses.
Scully: Well, I'm armed, so I'll take my chances.
Mulder: They don't want us working together, Scully. And right now, that's the only reason I can think of to stay.
Mulder: This isn't where you tell me some terrible story about sushi, is it?
Scully: Maybe you'd rather hear what you can catch from a nice rare steak?
Mulder: So, what? The murder weapon was a nice top sirloin?
Scully: Mulder, I..I'm sorry. It felt like old times there for a second.
Scully: Flatworms are what are known as obligate endoparasites. They live inside of the host, entering the body through the ingestion of larvae or eggs. They are not creatures that go around attacking people.
Mulder: Well, that's good. I didn't want to have to tell Skinner that his murder
suspect was a giant blood-sucking worm.
Scully: ... I hope you know I'd consider it more than a professional loss if you
decided to leave.
Blood
Mulder: There have been reported abductee paranoia in UFO mass abduction cases...
Scully: I was wondering when you'd get to that.
Mulder: Imagine being one of those flies on the wall of the Oval Office.
Frohike: Been there, Done that.
Frohike: So, Mulder, where's your little partner?
Mulder: She wouldn't come. She's afraid of her love for you.
Scully: Like sex in ice cubes in liquor ads? That's paranoia.
Scully: (Sheriff Spencer leaves) You've lost another one.
Mulder: He's probably one of those people who thinks Elvis is dead.
Scully: Mulder, I was wrong. ..... Exposure to the insecticide does induce paranoia.
Mulder: (Looking at a broken door bell) Frustrated Jehovah's Witness?
Sleepless
Krycek: I don't appreciate being ditched like somebody's bad date.
Mulder: Sorry if I hurt your feelings.
Krycek: Where do you get off copping this attitude? I mean, you don't know the first
thing about me.
Mulder: Exactly.
Krycek: You know, back at the academy, some of the guys used to make fun of you.
Mulder: Oh, stop it, or you're going to hurt my feelings.
CIAB: Conversation in the Autopsy Bay, Sleepless [see Scenes]
COTP: Conversation on the Phone, Sleepless [see Scenes]
Duane Barry
Agent Kazdin: He's bent on taking the doctor with him to an alien abduction site, only
he can't quite remember where the site is so he stopped at a travel agency.
Agent Kazdin: So whatever crap ya gotta make up about spacemen or UFOs, just keep him on the phone.
Scully: Mulder, it's me. I just had something incredibly strange happen. This piece
of metal that they took out of Duane Barry, it has some kind of a code on it. I ran it through a scanner and some kind of a serial number came up. What the hell is this thing, Mulder? It's almost as if... it's almost as if somebody was using it to catalogue him. (Barry breaks in)
Barry: Come on, lady...
Scully: Mulder!
Barry: Come on!
Scully: I need your help! Mulder! Mulder!
Ascension
Agent: What are you so paranoid about, Mulder?
Mulder: Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's because I find it hard to trust anyone.
Krycek: (after Mulder swerves to avoid a truck) The US Department of Transportation
estimates that over 190,000 fatal car crashes every year are caused by sleepiness.
Mulder: Did they estimate how many people are put to sleep listening to their statistics?
"3"
John: Don't you want to live forever?
Mulder: Not if drawstring pants come back into style.
One Breath
Byers: Good work sneaking out these charts.
Frohike: I tucked them in my pants.
Mulder: There's plenty of room down there.
Langly: Mulder, you look down. You're welcome to come over on Saturday. We're going to jump on the Internet and nitpick the scientific inaccuracies of Earth 2.
Mulder: I'm doing my laundry.
Skinner: Sit down. I called you right up here because of rumors about an incident at
the hospital last night.
Mulder: Is this about the tooth that was found in the cafeteria Jell-O?
X: Your plane ticket.
Mulder: We barely know each other.
Mulder: I feel, Scully, that you believe that you're not ready to go, and you've
always had the strength of your beliefs. I don't know if my being here will help bring you back, but I'm here.
Mulder: I brought you a present. Superstars of the Super Bowl.
Scully: I knew there was a reason to live.
Scully: Mulder... I had the strength of your beliefs.
Firewalker
Mulder: Scully? What do you make of Mr. Trepkos' neighborhood?
Scully: What if he's already dead?
Mulder: He'll have a hard time answering my questions.
Scully: Look, I know what you're thinking but you have to get past that. We both do. I'm back, and I'm not going anywhere.
Red Museum
Mulder: According to the literature, Abe Lincoln was a walk-in and Mikhail Gobachov
and Charles Colson, Nixon’s advisor.
Scully: But not Nixon?
Mulder: No, not even they want to claim Nixon.
Mulder: You know, for a holy man, you've got quite a knack for pissing people off.
Excelsius Dei
Mulder: Whatever tape you found in that VCR isn't mine.
Scully: Good, because I put it back in that drawer with all those other videos
that aren't yours.
Patient: I've got plumbing older than this building, and it don't work much better, either!
(Opens towel to provide a view)
Mulder: Thank you for sharing.
Scully: What do you think, Mulder?
Mulder: About the guy's plumbing?
Mulder: (To Scully) Are you saying that the building's haunted? Because if you are, I think that you've been working with me for to long.
Scully: Mulder, mushrooms aren't medication, they taste good on hamburgers, but they don't raise the dead.
Mulder: Shaman's have been using them for centuries to gain entrance to the spirit
world.
Scully: I think you've been reading too much Carlos Casteneda.
Aubrey
(Description: Mulder comparing dental X-rays. )
Scully: Any cavities?
Mulder: No, I brush after every meal.
Mulder: Well I don't want to jump to any rash conclusions, but I'd say he's definitely
our prime suspect, huh?
Scully: Mulder, the man we're talking about is 77 years old.
Mulder: Well, George Foreman won the heavyweight crown at 45. Some people are just
late bloomers.
Mulder: Well, I've often felt that dreams are answers to questions we haven't yet
figured out how to ask.
Mulder: Well that's a pretty extreme hunch.
Scully: Well I seem to recall you having some pretty extreme hunches.
Mulder: I never have...
Mulder: But there are countless stories of twins that were separated at birth, who end up marrying the same kind of people, each naming their child Waldo.
Scully: Waldo?
Irresistible
Mulder: Well, some people collect salt and pepper shakers. Fetishists collect dead things, fingernails and hair. No one quite knows why. Though I've never really understood salt and pepper shakers myself.
Bocks: You're saying some human's been doing this?
Mulder: Yeah, if you want to call him that.
Scully: It is somehow easier to believe as Agent Bocks does, in aliens and UFOs than
in the kind of cold-blooded, inhuman monster who could prey on the living to scavenge from the dead.
Scully: Death, like life itself, is a drama with a beginning, middle, and end.
Scully: You think you can look into the face of pure evil, and then you find yourself
paralyzed by it.
Scully: I trust him as much as anyone; I trust him with my life.
Scully: I know that the world is full of predators, just as it has always been. And I know that it is my job to protect people from them. And I have counted on that fact to give me faith in my ability to do what I do....I want that faith back....I need it back.
Donnie: Is your hair normal or dry?
Scene in Mrs. Pfaster's house, Irresistible [see Scenes]
Die Hand Die Verletzt
Sheriff: Well, I know he and his friends listen to devil music.
Mulder: The Night Chicago Died?
Sheriff: This stump here is, ah, supposed to be the ceremonial altar. What do you think?
Mulder: I think with a few turquoise chips, a picture of John Wayne and three cans
of shellac it would make a pretty nice coffee table.
Mulder: (To Scully) Better hide your Megadeth albums.
Mulder: So, lunch?
Scully: Mulder, toads just fell from the sky!
Mulder: Guess their parachutes didn't open. What did you say about this place not
feeling odd?
Mulder: Did you really think you could call up the devil and ask him to behave?
Scully: That's impossible. It would take a large python hours to consume and weeks to
digest a human body.
Mulder: You really do watch the Learning Channel.
Fresh Bones
Scully: He's non-verbal, non responsive to voice, touch or pain. The neurologists suspect he suffered a severe concussion in the crash resulting in amnesia.
Mulder: That's a plausible diagnosis though I'm more interested in how he came back to life.
Scully: You have a theory how it got into his blood?
Mulder: What do you know about zombies?
Scully: Well, I hope you don't intend to tell Robin McAlpin that she married one?
Scully: Maybe I should kiss a few and find out if one is Gutierrez. (As she looks at a bag of toads)
Colony
Mulder: I have lived with a fragile faith built on the ether of vague memories from an experience that I can neither prove nor explain. When I was twelve, my sister was taken from me, taken from our home by a force that I came to believe was extra-terrestrial. This belief has sustained me, fueling a quest for truths that were as elusive as the memory itself. To believe as passionately as I did was not without sacrifice, but I always accepted
the risks...to my career, my reputation, my relationships...to life itself.
Mulder: What happened to me out on the ice has justified every belief. If I should die now it would be with the certainty that my faith has been righteous. And if, through death, larger mysteries are revealed I will have already learned the answer to the question that has driven me here. ..that there is intelligent life in the universe other than our own...that they are here among us...and that they have begun to colonize.
Mulder: Oh, hey. I've been looking for you.
Scully: I was just down the street. Someone fired more shots at the White House
last night.
Mulder: You gotta wonder about a country where even the President has to worry about
drive-by shootings.
Scully: Damn it, Mulder, that's not my job! You'll pursue a case at the expense of everything to the point of insanity and expect me to follow you. There has to be somewhere to draw the line.
Scully: (Mulder gets hit by a car) How are you feeling?
Mulder: Like I should have used the crosswalk.
Scully: Our friend from the CIA is about as unbelievable as his story. As is everything
about this case. I mean, whatever happened to Trust no one?
Mulder:Oh, I changed it to Trust everyone. I didn't tell you?
Endgame
Mulder: He's an alien!
Scully: Is that what you're going to tell Skinner?
Mulder: I already told Skinner, that was the easy part. Now, I gotta go tell my father.
Mulder: How's the Opera?
X: I've never slept better.
Scully: How did you get this?
Skinner: Unofficial channels.
Emergency Room Scene, End Game [see Scenes]
Fearful Symmetry
Mulder: I'd be willing to admit the possibility of a tornado, but it's not really tornado
season. I'd even be willing to entertain the notion of a black hole passing over the area or some cosmic anomaly but it's not really black hole season either...If I was a betting man I'd say it was, uh...
Scully: An invisible elephant?
Mulder: I saw David Copperfield make the Statue of Liberty disappear once.
Scully: What are you looking for, Mulder?
Mulder: Oh, A local paper, I want to see if David Copperfield’s in town.
Mulder: Well if somebody had seen it, Scully, we wouldn't be here.
Scully: Where are you going?
Mulder: To talk to the animals.
Frohike: Beam me up Scotty!
Mulder: Did anybody ever tell you the camera loves you Frohike.
Frohike: Yeah, the arresting officer at the Free James Brown Rally.
Byers: So, what's this costing the taxpayers?
Mulder: Ah, about 150 bucks an hour.
Frohike: Ouch! Almost as much as Bill Clinton’s haircuts.
Frohike: If that's the lovely agent Scully, let her know I've been working out. I'm buff.
Scully: You know, that guy really pisses me off.
Scully: Is this who you wanted to speak to about it? (Indicating Sophie the Gorilla)
Mulder: It's basic investigative procedure. Interview all possible witnesses.
Død Kalm
Mulder: You're lucky you inherited your father's legs.
Scully: What?
Mulder: Sea legs.
Scully: Mulder where are we going?
Mulder: I'm not sure yet but we've got to get there soon.
Scully: Mulder, what do you know about free radicals?
Mulder: Is this a quiz?
Mulder: I always thought that when I got old I'd take a cruise somewhere. This is not what I had in mind. The service on this ship is terrible, Scully.
Scully: I looked everywhere and this is all I could find. (she places a capped jar half full of yellowish liquid on the table) It's sardine juice, half a dozen lemons and uh, the water from a snow globe. (Mulder licks his lips) It's not Evian, but ...
Mulder: You go ahead and drink it.
Scully: Mulder ... When they found me, after the doctors and even my family had given up, I experienced something that I never told you about. Even now it's hard to find the words. But there's one thing I'm certain of. As certain as I am of this life, we have nothing to fear when it's over.
Scully: (voice-over) Agent Fox Mulder lost consciousness at approximately 4:30 this morning, the 12th of March. There is nothing more I can do for him, or for myself. Supplies are exhausted, no food or liquid consumed for over 24 hours. The outer hull most probably flooded, though for now the inner hull is supporting the ship's mass. Among Halverson's belongings, I found a children's book of Norse legends. From what I can tell, the pictures show the end of the world - not in a sudden firestorm of damnation as the Bible teaches us, but in a slow covering blanket of snow. First the moon and the stars will be lost in a dense white fog, then the rivers and the lakes and the sea will freeze over. And finally a wolf named Skoll will open his jaws and eat the sun, sending the world into an everlasting night. I think I hear the wolf at the door.
Humbug
Mulder: I can't wait for the wake.
Hepcat Helm: It's not a fun house, it's a tabernacle of terror.
Sheriff Hamilton: It's a fun house.
CBM&MN: Conversation between Mulder and Mr. Nutt, Humbug [see Scenes]
Scully: Mulder, what is this Fiji mermaid business?
Mulder: Every murder investigation begins with a list of possible suspects. You
should try not to be so exclusive, Scully.
Sheriff Hamilton: You don't mean to tell me that you think these tracks were made by the
Fiji mermaid?
Scully: Do you recall what Barnum said about suckers? (Looks at Mulder)
Dr. Blockhead: How many people do you know that can get out of a straight jacket in three minutes?
Scully: Fortunately, none.
Dr.
Blockhead: Did you know that through the protective Chinese art of tu bushan you can train your testicles to draw up into your abdomen?
Mulder: Oh, I'm doing that as we speak.
Mulder: I saw him this morning down by the river, he was eating a fish.
Dr. Blockhead: He knows between show snacks ruin his appetite.
Mulder: I could be mistaken, maybe it was another baldheaded, jigsaw-puzzle tattooed,
naked guy I saw.
Mulder: (He stops digging) Scully, hypertrichosis does not connote lycanthrophy.
Scully: What are you implying?
Mulder: We're being highly discriminatory here. Just because a man was once afflicted
with excessive hairiness, we've no reason to suspect him of aberrant behavior.
Scully: It's like assuming guilt based solely on skin color, isn't it? (They start
digging again!)
Mr. Nutt: You'd be surprised how many women find my size intriguingly alluring.
Mulder: You'd be surprised how many men do as well.
Scully: You know Mulder, for a while there I was beginning to suspect this case involved
something a bit more...
Mulder: Freakish? You really shouldn't complain about banality, Scully, when your
main suspect is the human Blockhead.
Dr Blockhead: I'm not going anywhere until I speak to my lawyer.
Mulder: Who's your lawyer?
Dr Blockhead: I represent myself.
Sheriff Hamilton: (speaking sarcastically to Scully) Are you sure it was the twin you saw crawling around here? I mean, maybe it was the Fiji Mermaid and he jumped back in the river and swum his way back to Fiji!
Mulder: (aside, to Scully) Now you know how I feel.
CBS&DB: Conversation between Scully and Doctor Blockhead, Humbug [see Scenes]
The Calusari
Mulder: You see this is a helium balloon here and the only thing I learned in Kindergarten is when you let them go they float up and away. But you see, this is moving away from him, horizontally.
Scully: Did you learn about wind in Kindergarten?
Scully: Too bad you didn't take a picture. You could've run it through your computer and seen the entire last supper.
Mulder: I think from the information here, this is clearly some kind of poltergeist
activity.
Scully: Mulder, this information is the same reason why I'll see a newspaper photo
with Jesus' face appearing in the...the foliage of an elm tree.
Scully: Have you ever heard of Munchausen by Proxy?
Mulder: Yeah, my grandfather used to take that for his stomach.
F. Emasculata
Scully: According to the briefing, prisoners escaped by hiding in a laundry cart.
Mulder: I don't think the guards are watching enough prison movies.
Soft Light
Kelly: Agent Scully, what are you looking at?
Scully: Uh, the heat register.
Kelly: You don't think anyone could have squeezed in there?
Mulder: You never know...
Mulder: Hey Scully, can you spare a prophylactic?
Scully: Darkness hides a multitude of sins.
Mulder: Check this out. My newest tool in the fight against crime. $49.95 at your local hardware store.
Scully: Neat trick. For your birthday I'll buy you a utility belt.
Mulder: Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you, Scully.
Mulder: I have over a dozen case files of human bodies reduced to ash with out any
attendant burning or melting. Rapid oxidation with out heat.
Scully: (Sarcastically) Let’s just forget for the moment that there's no scientific
theory to support it.
Mulder: Ok.
Scully: Nonsensical, repetitive behavior is a common trait of mental illness.
Mulder: Are you trying to tell me something?
Our Town
Scully: I'm surprised she didn't call Oprah as soon as she got off the phone with the police.
Mulder: It gave me nightmares.
Scully: I didn't think anything gave you nightmares.
Mulder: Well, I was young.
Scully: I just came up with a sick theory, Mulder.
Mulder: Oooh, I'm listening!
Scully: All of them share one strange detail, Mulder.
Mulder: Well they seem to have lost their heads...
Anasazi
Mulder: Are you familiar with the Ten Commandments, Scully?
Scully: You want me to recite them?
Mulder: Just number four, the one about obeying the Sabbath, the part where God made heaven and earth but didn't bother to tell anybody about his side projects.
Scully: Where did you get this?
Mulder: Your friendly neighborhood anarchist.
CITM: Conversation in Mulder's Apartment, Anasazi [see Scenes]
Mulder: You've been making reports on me since the beginning, Scully. Making your little notes!
Scene where Scully shoots Mulder, Anasazi [see Scenes]
Mulder: You shot me.
Scully: Yes, I did. You didn't give me much choice, you were going to shoot Krycek.
Mulder: You said you knew I was coming.
Albert: In the desert, things find away to survive. Secrets are like this too.
They push their way up through the sands of deception so men can know them.
C.S.M.: Where are you?
Mulder: I'm at the Betty Ford Center, where are you?
C.S.M.: I need to talk to you, Mr. Mulder, in person. There are some things to explain.
Mulder: I'll save the government the plane fare, I just need to know which government
that is.
