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The Beginning

AD #1:  (To Mulder) I see your renowned arrogance has been left quite intact.

AD #2:  These spacelings, Agent Mulder... They weren't something I saw in Men in Black?
Mulder: (pause)  I didn't see Men in Black.
AD #2:  Well, it's a damn good movie.

Skinner: (To Mulder) When will you accept that no amount of pressure or reason will bring to heel a conspiracy whose members walk these halls with absolute impunity?

Scully: Mulder, I just want to remind you that by not informing local PD we are in technical violation of state laws prohibiting contamination of a crime scene.  (She realizes Mulder is not listening.  Under her breath.)   Why do I bother?

Mulder: (Pulling a large hunk of claw out of the wall) Aw. Somebody broke a nail.
Scully: Is it animal?
Mulder: It ain't RuPaul.

Mulder: What does it take?  For this thing to come up and bite you on the ass? I saw these creatures. I saw them burst to life. You would've seen them, too but you were infected with that virus. You were passed out over my shoulder.
Scully: Mulder, I know what you did. I know what happened to me but without ignoring the science, I can't... Listen, Mulder, You told me that my science kept you honest. That it made you question your assumptions. That by it, I'd made you a whole person. If I change now... It wouldn't be right... or honest.

Gibson: (knowing what they are thinking as Scully removes his bandage) Frankenstein? Really?

Scully: Communicate with what?
Gibson: You already know.  You just don't want to believe it.

Gibson: (To Scully- resigned, accusingly)  I'm a very special lab rat.

Scully: I don't doubt what you saw, Mulder. I don't doubt you. I'm willing to believe, but not in a lie and not in the opposite of what I can prove. It comes down to a matter of trust. I guess it always has.

Drive

Scully: Yeah. Well, as we said, sir this is just routine.
Mulder: (quietly to Scully)  So routine, it numbs the mind.

Scully: You know how to pick 'em, I'll tell you that.

Mulder: I can think of something else I'd like to call you. I could put "mister" in front of that, too if you'd like.

Captian: (on phone) Let him through? Look, uh... No offense, Agent Scully but how 'bout you run that by your superiors 'cause frankly, I think they'll say different.
Scully: (on phone) I'll take that under advisement.

Crump: Yeah, yeah. That's good. Okay. Hey, uh... The Jew stuff?  No offense. I mean, uh... A man can't help who he's born to.
Mulder: (sarcastic) That was an apology, right? Gee, I don't know if I can see to drive my eyes are tearing up so bad.
Crump: Whatever, man. Why are you doing this?
Mulder: Why am I doing what?
Crump: This.
Mulder: It's not in your best interest to make me question that right now.

Scully: (on phone) Mulder, are you okay?
Mulder: (on phone) Yeah, aside from terminal cell phone withdrawal... That, and I got to pee. Where are you?

Scully: Sir, Agent Mulder has been through a lot.
AD Kersh: And you apologize for him a lot. I've noticed that about you.
Scully: I'm not apologizing for this. Because of his work, the DOD is shutting down their antenna array in northeastern Nevada. Our participation in this case has saved lives.

Scully: (under her breath, but loudly enough to be heard) Big piles of manure.

Triangle

Mulder: (laughing) You can relax. There's no war going on. The world is at peace. There's a little trouble over at our White House but that'll blow over, so to speak.

Scully / 1939: I suggest you get your Nazi paws off me before you get one in the kisser.

Scully / 1939: Oh, you, speak English, do you? Well, how'd you like to see the stars on the American flag?

Frohike: The walls have ears.
Scully: (impatient) I have ears. Will you tell me what's going on?

Skinner: Use your head, Scully. It'll save your ass.
Scully: Save your own ass, Sir. You'll save your head along with it.

Scully: (direct) I want you to do me a favor. It's not negotiable. Either you do it or I kill you. You understand?
Spender: You okay, Agent Scully?
Scully: No, I'm not. I'm a gun ready to go off so don't test me, Spender. Don't even think about trying to weasel me.

Scully: Don't ask too many questions. I don't care what you do or who you do or who you have to grease,I need that information and I need it now. Are we clear on that?
Spender: Crystal.
Scully: And, Agent Spender... If you're not back in a hurry I am going to hunt you down, and so help me God...

Scully: (furious) That rat bastard!

Mulder: Yeah, you come out on the side of history with no small amount of help from us. Not much to apologize over the next 50 years except for maybe the Spice Girls.

Scully / 1939: Listen to me, you little weasel...

Mulder: (after he's been slugged) I was expecting a left.

The Hospital Scene, Triangle [See Scenes]

Dreamland I

Scully: I'm all a-tingle.

Mulder / Morris: Good morning, Terry.
Boy: Not Terry.
Mulder / Morris: Chris.
Boy: (disgusted) Terrence. "Terry's" for wusses.
Mulder / Morris: (under his breath) Oh, and Terrence isn't?

Mulder / Morris: (As his 'family' falls apart.) Well, my work here is done. Have a nice day.

Morris / Mulder: (To Scully) Look, little lady, I think it's time you got your panties on straight. We're federal officers... We go by the book.

Scully: You don't think that we should follow up on this?
Morris / Mulder: Are you out of your pretty little mind?
Scully: (so mad she can barely speak) Am I out of my mind? Mulder, you are out of your mind! What is up with you?! I'm thinking about having you examined for mental illness or-or drug use or... Or maybe a massive head injury! This is an X-File your life's work, your crusade!
Morris / Mulder: As I understand it, we're off the X-Files. (Scully, no longer able to speak, slams the door as she leaves.) (pouting) Bitch.

Scully: Look... Any of that information could have been gathered by anyone.
Mulder / Morris: Even that yogurt thing? That is so you. That is so Scully. Well, it's good to know you haven't changed. That's somewhat comforting.

Dreamland II

Mulder / Morris: (really frustrated) Hey, Grandma Top Gun, will you shut the hell up?!
Lana Chee / Pilot: You're my bitch now pencil-neck.

Morris / Mulder: This guy hasn't been laid in ten years.

Joanne Morris: Special Tramp Dana Scully.

Joanne Morris: ( to Mulder / Morris, not believing him) Morris, if you don't like the man you've become I don't blame you one bit. But this flight from reality isn't the answer. Accept who you are. However repulsive that may be.

Scully: Do you know what would really be fun?
Morris / Muler: What? (She dangles her handcuffs in front of him.)

Scully: "Baby" me and you'll be peeing through a catheter.

Scully: Or I just shoot you... Baby.

Morris / Mulder: Can't we start over? You know, do that thing with the handcuffs? (Scully holds up and cocks her gun.) Probably not your scene.

Morris / Mulder: (To Wegman) What, are you, like, disgruntled?

Mulder / Morris: So you're the guy that wants my life. I assume that includes all the ass-kickings.

Langly: Mmm. More huevos rancheros.
Frohike: Mas huevos rancheros.
Byers: Por favor.

Morris / Mulder: (leans down close to Frohike) Trust me, little man, I ain't him. Oh, I love you guys. I really do. I mean, you're the "Lone Gunmen," aren't you? You guys are my heroes. I mean, look at this crap you print.

Morris / Mulder: Oh, I'm sorry, Melvin, that's classified.
Frohike: (threatening him with spatula) The name's Frohike, you punk ass.

Morris / Mulder: (To Frohike) Back off, sneezy.

CITD: Conversation in the Desert, Dreamland II [See Scenes]

Scully: (To Morris) I've still got my gun.

Mulder: (on phone) Hey, Scully? I, uh, know it's not your normal life, but... Thanks for coming out there with me.

How the Ghosts stole Christmas

Scully: Sorry. Checkout lines were worse than rush hour on the 95. If I heard "Silent Night" one more time I'd was going to start taking hostages.

Mulder: Tell me you're not afraid.
Scully: All right. I'm afraid... but it's an irrational fear. (She takes a few breaths,then heads for the cracked open door.)
Mulder: (not moving) I got your back.
Scully: (whispers) Thank you.

Mulder: Hey, you have a gun, right? Rationally, you've been in much more dangerous situations.

Scully: Mulder, she's wearing my outfit.
Mulder: How embarrassing.

Maurce: Are you overcome by the impulse to make everyone believe you? (Mulder looks up at him in surprise.) I'm in the field of mental health. I specialize in disorders and manias related to pathological behavior as it pertains to the paranormal.

Mulder: "Paramasturbatory"?

Scully: Well, then why is all the furniture covered?
Lyda: We're having the house painted.
Scully: Well then where's your Christmas tree?!
Lyda: We're Jewish. Boo.

Lyda: Look, if we let our reputations slip they're going to take us off the tourist literature. Last year no one even showed up.

Lyda: Masher.
Mulder: Frump.

Lyda: I don't show my hole to just anyone.

Maurice: Do you realize how seriously disturbed that man is? How dark and lonely? What he's capable of?

Scully: Mulder... None of that really happened out there tonight... That was all in our heads, right?
Mulder: (unsure of what to say) I-it must have been.
Scully: Mmm. Not that, uh, my only joy in life is proving you wrong.
Mulder: When have you proved me wrong?
Scully: Well... Why else would you want me out there with you?
Mulder: You didn't want to be there? (Scully has no answer. They both think about it.) Oh, that's, um... That's self-righteous and... narcissistic of me to say, isn't it?
Scully: No, I mean... Maybe I did want to be out there with you.

Terms of Endearment

Scully: Do you, or have you ever smoked marajuana?
Hippie: Nope, no siree.

Mulder: (on phone) Scully, Spender just round filed this case-- it's unconscionable.
Scully: (on phone) And what do you call rooting through his trash?
Mulder: (on phone) Like that's any different from the assignment we're stuck with.
Scully: (on phone) "We," Mulder? I'm stuck with it. You're not here.

Mulder: (with a large jar of fiber dietary supplement.) Whatever else we find I know everybody in this house is regular.

Scully: Mulder, I will accept that a man can be demonic that he may have demon-like attributes but why would a demon-- if there were such a thing-- bother with a 9:00-to-5:00 make room for daddy routine just so he can off his wife and unborn child?

Rain King

Scully: Don't look at me, this was your idea.

Scully: If we could get a list of all the people who have employed his services, it would be helpful.
Cindy: (suspicious and defensive) I don't understand. Does he... Don't y'all need a warrant or a subpoena or something like that?
Scully: We usually just say, "please."

Holman: The Mayor called you in, didn't he? He thinks Daryl's causing the drought.
Scully: You don't think he's responsible.
Holman: Of course not. A huge high-pressure system is the primary culprit. There's no credible evidence to suggest that Daryl, or any man can be held accountable for our predicament.
Scully: Thank you. (to Mulder) Can we go now?

Scully: I hear a big but coming.

Scully: Mulder, that is not a rain dance. My Irish Aunt Olive has more Cherokee in her than Daryl Mootz. I mean, look at him, Mulder. Does that look like a man who can control the weather?

Hotel Manager: Oh, miss, we moved your boyfriend's things into your room.
Scully: He's my partner, and we prefer separate rooms.
Hotel Manager: Oh, old-fashioned are you, huh? Well, we're booked solid with the high school reunion. You can take it or leave it.

Mulder: Scully, I don't think it's a coincidence that a cow gets hurled at me just as we're down here investigating the weather.
Scully: (checking his scalp and forehead) Mulder, did they check you for head trauma?

Holman: Agent Mulder, are you all right? I feel terrible. If there's anything I can do, please don't hesitate.
Scully: Perhaps there is. Mr. Hardt, would you please reassure Agent Mulder that this cow incident was, in fact, a natural phenomenon?

Mulder: Agent Scully and I specialize in these types of cases and-and-and although you may have had some bad luck you didn't cause any of it.
Sheila: Are you sure?
Mulder: Yeah, yeah, I'm... I'm sure. Scully, you have any doubts?
Scully: (definitively) No.
Mulder: You see?
Scully: No doubts.

Scully: (on phone) Holman?
Mulder: (on phone) Yeah... he wants advice. Dating advice.
Scully: (on phone) Dating advice? From whom?
Mulder: (on phone) Yours truly. (VERRRRY LOOOONG pause) Hello? Hey, Scully. Scully, you there?
Scully: (on phone) I heard you. Mulder, when was the last time you went on a date?
Mulder: (on phone, one word at a time) I will talk to you later.
Scully: (to herself, after hanging up) The blind leading the blind.

Holman: I've been envious of men like you my whole life. Based on your physical bearing, I'd assumed you were... More experienced. I mean... You spend every day with agent Scully a beautiful, enchanting woman. And you two never, uh...? (no response from Mulder) I... confess I find that shocking. I... I've seen how you two gaze at one another.

Mulder: And Holman. I do not gaze at Scully.

Daryl: (jealous) Him? This is the guy?! Oh, what's he got that I ain't got?
Sheila: A job. A way with words. Intelligence. Good looks.
Daryl: Good looking? I'll show you good looking.

Mulder: I'll build the ark, you gather the animals. (Scully heads to the bathroom. Calling after her) I was kidding.

Sheila: (disbelieving) Not even a kiss? (Scully shakes her head) Trust me, the man knows how to kiss. I just never thought of Holman that way, you know. He's my closest friend. And to not even suspect...
Scully: Well, it seems to me that the best relationships-- the ones that last-- are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is... suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.

Mulder: I didn't know reunions could be so...
Scully: Wet?

SR819

Skinner: (voiceover) Every minute of every day we choose. Who we are.Who we forgive. Who we defend and protect. To choose a side or to walk the line. To play the middle. To straddle the fence between what is and what should be. This was the course I chose. Trying to find the delicate balance of interests that can never exist. Choosing by not choosing. Defending a center which cannot hold. So death chose for me.

Skinner: If this man poisoned me I'm going to put a gun to his head, find out why and ask him how he's going to make me well.

Mulder: (looking at the veins on Skinner's neck) You need to get to a hospital.
Skinner: No. I'm trying to stay out of one.

Mulder: (looking at the hairs) Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful.

Skinner: I'm in your hands. I think I owe you an apology, Scully. You and Mulder.
Scully: Sir?
Skinner: I've been lying here thinking. Your quest... it should have been mine.
Scully: What do you mean?
Skinner: If I die now, I die in vain. I have nothing to show for myself, my life...
Scully: Sir, you know that's not true.
Skinner: It is. I can see now that... I always played it safe. Iwouldn't take sides. Wouldn't let you and Mulder... pull me in.
Scully: You've been our ally more times than I can say.
Skinner: Not the kind of ally that I could have been.

Scully: Sir, I've spoken with your doctors and your prognosis is excellent. Whatever you are infected with appears to be dormant and your recovery is being hailed as miracle.

Tithonus

Scully: Agent Mulder and I will begin immediately.
Kersh: Agent Mulder's a lost cause. I'm taking the chance you're not. It's you and Ritter. Do not let me down.

Scully: What's this?
Agent Ritter: A whole lot of blood.
Scully: Yeah. I got that.

Agent Ritter: (confrontational) Hey, I'm confused. I thought we were trying to bust this guy not look for reasons to let him go.
Scully: I thought we were looking for the truth.

Mulder: (on phone, disguising his voice) Hi. My name is Fox Mulder. We used to sit next to each other at the FBI.

Scully: (on phone) I don't know what to think. (looks up as Fellig passes her) He's, uh... unusual.
Mulder: (on phone) As in he plugs up like a cork when you stab him?

CBR&S: Confrontation between Ritter and Scully, Tithonus

Mulder: (on phone) Well, young man Ritter has been sending progress reports to Kersh. My computer may have inadvertently intercepted a few of those. He's got nice things to say about you, though... mostly. Why don't you let me do a little background check on Fellig for you.
Scully: (on phone) Mulder...
Mulder: (on phone) Come on. It's, you know... it's what I do now. I'm getting good at it.

Scully: You have, Mr. Fellig, a long and uncanny history of being the first person at the scene of a death. You also have a history of covering up that fact. Why?
Fellig: Am I under arrest again?
Scully: Are you a murderer? (He shakes his head.) Well, then explain yourself, sir. Because, I promise you until you do, you will not get a moment's peace.

Scully: What you showed me was a contemptible lack of compassion for another human being. You showed me that you profit off of people's deaths. Now, why shouldn't you go to prison?

Scully: Mr. Fellig, I know... that you know more about photography than I do but this is just a lens flare.
Fellig: You're right. I do know more about photography than you do.

Fellig: So I can look into his face. So I can die. Pills don't work. Razors... (shows Scully his scarred wrists) … gas... bridges--- I can't tell you how many bridges I've jumped off of. All I get is wet. I got left behind. I don't want to be here anymore. I can't even remember a time when I did. And... this... this is all I know... to do.
Scully: You know I don't believe you.
Fellig: Yes, you do. That's why you're here.

Mulder: (on phone) Look, Ritter, don't sweat the math. It's him. Just get there and find Agent Scully.

Scully: You know, most people want to live forever.
Fellig: Most people are idiots. Which is one of the reasons I don't.
Scully: I think you're wrong. How can you have too much life? There's too much to learn, to experience.

Scully: What about love?
Fellig: What, does that last forever? 40 years ago I drove down to the city hall, down to the hall of records... record archives, whatever they call it. I wanted to look up my wife. It... bothered me I couldn't remember her name. Love lasts... 75 years, if you're lucky. You don't want to be around when it's gone. (Looks back at Scully. She is in black and white.) Count your blessings.

SFD: Scully, Fellig and Death, Tithonus

Mulder: (to Ritter, flatly) You're a lucky man.

Scully: Yeah, Mulder, I don't even know how I entertained the thought. People don't live forever.
Mulder: No, no, I-I... I think he would have. I-I just think that … that death only looks for you... once you seek its opposite.

Two Fathers

Mulder: I got game, Scully.
Scully: Yeah, you got so much game I'm wondering if you have any work left in you.

C. S. M. : (to Spender, disgusted) You pale to Fox Mulder.

One Son

Mulder: There must be some kind of mistake. I signed up for the aroma therapy treatment.

Scully: (to Fowely) No one is sick or infected here. I mean, I assume that based on you walking in here dressed to the nines offering apologies masquerading as explanations.

Scully: Mulder, this stinks, and not just because I think that woman is a... well, I think you know what I think that woman is.
Mulder: (sarcastic) No. Actually, you hide your feelings very well.

Mulder: Scully, you're making this personal.
Scully: Because it is personal, Mulder. Because without the FBI personal interest is all that I have. And if you take that away then there is no reason for me to continue.

Cassandra Spender: (sighs to CSM) The biggest bastard of all.

Agua Mala

Arthur Dales: (to Mulder, about Scully) Did you tell her what I told you?
Mulder: (crossing to stand beside Dales) Yes, but she's... she's not the type that's easily persuaded.
Arthur Dales: (smiles) Is that so?
Scully: (drying her hands on a paper towel) What he means is I don't hear a story about a sea monster and automatically assume it's the Lord's gospel truth.
Arthur Dales: (to Mulder) Why did you bring her here?
Mulder: Well, she knows your reputation your early work on the X-Files and she has a knack for getting to the bottom of things.
Scully: (sees several empty liquor bottle in the garbage can.) Apparently, so does Mr. Dales.
Arthur Dales: It's a good thing I have a reputation. Otherwise, how could it be impugned?

Deputy Greer: Oh, no. You're going to kill me.
Mulder: No, I'm not, but I'd like to.

Scully: Yes, I'm curious, Mulder but I'm also suspicious. I mean, I... I think that Mr. Dales' story is fueled by more than his imagination and not much deeper than the bottom of a highball.

Mulder: The good thing about zero visibility, Scully? Can't get any worse.
Scully: (on phone) Is this the Collier County Sheriff? Yes. Oh, hi. We're driving on, uh...
Mulder: Nance Road... N-A-N-C-E Road.
Scully: (on phone) Nance Road. (listens for a moment and looks pointedly at Mulder) No, it isn't very smart, is it? (Mulder squinches his faces and sarcastically imitates her nagging) No... Yes, that would be much appreciated. (to Mulder) He's going to guide us to the nearest emergency shelter.
Mulder: (ready to be out of the car) Not a moment too soon.
Scully: (on phone) Hello? Hello... (hangs up in disgust) No service.
Mulder: You know, Scully, someday we're going to look back on this and we're going to laugh. We'll just think of it as, uh... you know man pitted against the forces of nature. Think of it as a test of our mettle.
Scully: I don't need my mettle tested.

Scully: We don't know where we are and we don't know where we're going.

George: (to Walter) Or maybe it'll come up through the can and grab you by the nugs.
Mulder: Someone's already got him by the nugs.

George: If he's your partner he should have listened to you.

Monday

Mulder: (sarcastically) I'm having the best damn day of my life. Any moment I'm about to burst into song-- "Zip a dee doo dah." My, uh, waterbed sprung a leak and shorted out my alarm clock. (Scully blinks in surprise.) My cell phone got wet and crapped out on me and the check I wrote my landlord to cover the, uh, damages is going to bounce if I don't deposit my pay. You ever have one of those days, Scully?
Scully: Since I've been working here? Yeah. When did you get a waterbed, Mulder? (Mulder pauses in the doorway and thinks about it for a moment. Scully stares at him questioningly. Mulder ignores the question. )
Mulder: Bank's just down the street. I'll be back in ten. Cover for me, will you? (He leaves.)
Scully: (to herself) When do I not?

Scully: (quietly pleading) I just want everybody to live. That's all. I just... just show them. You have control over everything that happens here. You do. And it doesn't have to end this way.

Mulder: Scully, did you ever have one of those days you wish you could rewind and start all over again from the beginning?
Scully: Yes. Frequently. But, I mean, who's … who's to say that if you did rewind it and start over again that it wouldn't end up exactly the same way?
Mulder: So you think it's all just fate? We have no free will?
Scully: No, I think that we're free to be the people that we are-- good, bad or indifferent. I think that it's our character that determines our fate.

Mulder: Yeah, but never to this degree. I mean, I woke up, I opened my eyes I was soaking wet... (Scully looks at him curiously. ) It's a long story but I had the distinct sensation that I had lived that moment before.
Scully: Well, you may have. Did you do a lot of drinking in college?

Mulder: If what you're saying is true, how come I don't remember it? How come you're the only one?
Pam: That's got to be 50 times you've asked me that.
Mulder: 51. What's the answer?

Arcadia

Scully: We pronounce it "Pee-trie," actually.
Pat Verlander: Oh.
Mulder: Like the dish.

Mulder: Oh, yeah. Nothing weird going on around here. (following Scully) Hey... ooh, wait a minute. You didn't let me carry you over the threshold. (Scully takes off her coat and faces Mulder.)
Scully: You ready?
Mulder: Let's get it on, honey.
Scully: (smiles) All right, then. (She hands him a pair of latex gloves.)

Mulder: (seductively) You want to make that honeymoon video now?
Scully: Rob and Laura Petrie?
Mulder: "Pee-trie."
Scully: Mulder, if we ever go undercover again I get to choose the names, okay?
Mulder: Fine.
Scully: It just tells me that you're not taking this seriously.
Mulder: I'm taking it seriously. I just don't understand why we're on it. It's our first catch back on the X-Files. This isn't an X-File.
Scully: Sure it is. It's unexplained. What do you want, aliens? Tractor beams?
Mulder: Wow. Admit it: you just want to play house.

Mulder: (looking fondly at Scully) Oh, it was wonderful. We just spooned up and fell asleep like little baby cats. Isn't that right, Honeybunch?
Scully: (forced smile) That's right, Poopyhead.

Gene Gogolak: I'm afraid not. Rules are rules. It may not sound like anything-- a simple basketball hoop-- but from there, it's just a few short steps to spinning daisy reflectors and a bass boat in the driveway.
Mulder: In other words, anarchy.

Win Shroeder: So... Where'd you two meet?
Mulder: Actually, it was at a UFO conference.
Win Shroeder: Flying saucers? Interesting. Wouldn't have thought you folks would have been into that.
Mulder: (putting his arm around Scully) Well, it's not me so much as Laura. She's quite the New-Ager. I mean, she's into those magnetic bracelets and crystals and mood rings, what have you. I mean, God bless her she's a sucker for all that stuff.

Scully: What's missing here is intent. What would be the motive?
Mulder: Compulsive neatness, or a lack thereof. Have you noticed how everybody around here is obsessed with the neighborhood rules and the CC&Rs? You know what? You fit in really well here.
Scully: (pointedly looking at him lying on the bed) And you don't.

Mulder: (He puts the bed beside him seductively and waggles his eyebrows at her. She raises her eyebrows at him. Coaxing.) Come on, Laura, you know... we're married now.
Scully: Scully, Mulder. Good night. (Mulder gets up from the bed taking a pillow. He pauses next to her.)
Mulder: The thrill is gone.

Alpha

Scully: Aren't you going home?
Mulder: (not turning around) I am home. I'm just feathering the nest.

Mulder: Animals that aren't supposed to exist like Sasquatch and the Ogopogo and the Abominable Snowman and - -
Scully: (interrupting Mulder) Don't mind him. He'll go on forever. Did you have a chance to talk to this Dr. Detweiler?

Mulder: I think we're speaking in too common terms about an animal we're calling a dog but which displays none of the behavior of man's best friend.
Scully: You mean covering up crime scenes?
Mulder: (smiles) You get a biscuit, Scully.

Stacy Muir: No. Stacy Muir. Just putting up this fence for her. She's been having some coyote problems. You two looking for Karin about boarding?
Mulder: No, it's actually more of a behavior problem.
Scully: (glancing up at Mulder) Yeah, he doesn't listen and he chews on the furniture.

Scully: (in a nearly dark room) You sure this woman's not an authority on bats?

Karin Berquist: "Dog eats dogcatcher." Story's all over the news this morning. It's sort of uplifting.

Karin Berquist: I don't believe that this man, Dr. Detweiler, ever caught it. I lived in Asia. I know about the Wanshang Dhole and if it survived for over a century it was because it was more cunning than man, more cunning than this man Detweiler ever dreamed of.
Scully: More cunning than you?

Scully: So, what is he going to do? Walk in here, skitter across the linoleum and pee in the corners?

Trevor

Scully: Should we arrest David Copperfield?
Mulder: Yes, we should... but not for this.

Scully: Spontaneous human combustion.
Mulder: Scully...!

Mulder: Dear Diary: Today my heart leapt when Agent Scully suggested spontaneous human combustion.

Scully: Mulder, shut up.

Mulder: (completely disgusted, letting go of the hollowed out head) Ugh! (looks at his hand and wipes it on his pants) Ugh. Gesundheit.

Mulder: Don't recognize him from his driver's license, do you?

Scully: The state police have put out an APB on Rawls.
Mulder: You might warn them not to shoot to kill. He seems to find that annoying.

Mulder: I'm not saying that it can't be explained scientifically. Maybe it's the tornado. You suggested it yourself. Unusual climatic conditions... high electrical potential...
Scully: I'm sorry I even brought it up.

Milagro

Padgett: (voiceover) Her prompt mind ran through the golconda of possibilities-- was this trinket from the killer? Was there a message contained in its equivocal symbolism? Was he a religious fanatic who had, in fervid haste licked the envelope, leaving the telltale DNA that would begin his unraveling? She had a condign certainty that the killer was a male... and now, as she held the cold metal at her fingertips she imagined him doing the same trying to picture his face. It would be a plain face, an average face... A face people would be prone to trust. She knew this inherently, being naturally trusting herself. But the image she conjured up was no better than the useless sketch composites that littered her files. Preconsciously, she knew this wasn't her strength as an investigator. She was a marshall of cold facts, quick to organize, connect, shuffle, reorder and synthesize their relative hard values into discreet categories. Imprecision would only invite sexist criticism that she was soft, malleable not up to her male counterparts. Even now, as she pushed an errant strand of titian hair behind her ear she worried her partner would know instinctively what she could only guess. To be thought of as simply a beautiful woman was bridling, unthinkable. But she was beautiful... fatally, stunningly prepossessing. Yet the compensatory respect she commanded only deepened the yearnings of her heart... to let it open, to let someone in.

Mulder: Maybe it's not me at all. Maybe he sent it to you. Maybe it's a secret admirer.

Mulder: Actually, let me. You've got a 9:00 a.m. with the DC medical examiner. He's going to let you autopsy the latest victim. (Long pause while Scully looks at Mulder.)
Scully: Thank you for making my schedule but I think I'm going to have to be late for that appointment.

Mulder: (gentle rebuke) Hey, you weren't joking about being late. I was about to start slicing and dicing, myself.

Mulder: You're a writer. Anything I'd know?
Padgett: I don't think so. You're an FBI agent. Working on anything interesting?
Mulder: A murder case.
Padgett: Anything I'd know?
Mulder: Possibly.

Scully: Loneliness is a choice.

Scully: (looking at the thick manuscript) This is all about me?

Scully: I'm very uncomfortable with this.
Padgett: Why? You're armed, aren't you?

Scully: If you know me so well then why am I standing here when my instincts tell me to go?

Padgett: Jungians would say it's the characters who choose the writer, not the other way around. So I guess you could argue he directed me.
Mulder: Which is the truth?
Padgett: By their nature words are imprecise and layered with meaning. The signs of things, not the things themselves. It's difficult to say who's in charge.

Padgett: Agent Mulder, my book... did you like it?
Mulder: Maybe if it were fiction.

Scully: Well, isn't that what you do, Mulder, as a behavioral profiler? You … you imagine the killer's mind so well that you know what they'll do next.

Mulder: You know you're in here, don't you?
Scully: (uncomfortably) I read a chapter. What does he say?
Mulder: (quietly) Well, let's just say it ends with you doing the naked pretzel with "the stranger" on a bed in an unfurnished fourth floor apartment. (pause) I'm assuming that's a priori, too?
Scully: (short laugh, not looking at him) I think you know me better than that, Mulder.

Scully: How did you know, Mulder that the body was in the truck?
Mulder: (putting a finger to his forehead, Karnac-style) I imagined it.

Mulder: What do you need, a signed work order? Of course he directed him.

Scully: (Mulder grabs Scully's shoulders and turns them 180 degrees.) What are you doing?
Mulder: You're about to argue my usual side, aren't you?

Padgett: I made a mistake myself.
Mulder: What's that, Mr. Padgett?
Padgett: In my book, I'd written that Agent Scully falls in love but that's obviously impossible. (looking at Mulder) Agent Scully is already in love.

Padgett: She's only trying to get his attention but doesn't know it.

The Unnatural

Exley: I don't want to be no famous man. Just want to be a man.

Scully: Mulder, it is such a gorgeous day outside. Have you ever entertained the idea of trying to find life on this planet?
Mulder: I have seen the life on this planet, Scully and that is exactly why I am looking elsewhere.

Mulder: Did you bring enough ice cream to share with the rest of the class?
Scully: (smugly, beginning to eat) It's not ice cream. It's a nonfat tofutti rice dreamsicle.
Mulder: (returning to his book) Ugh. Bet the air in my mouth tastes better than that. You sure know how to live it up, Scully.

Mulder: I scream, you scream, we all scream for nonfat tofutti rice dreamsicles. (He sets the book down and lunges for Scully. He grabs her arm and takes a bite of the dreamsicle. )
Scully: No-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! (delightful laugh) Mulder!

Mulder: Reading the box scores, Scully. You'd like it. It's like the Pythagorean Theorem for jocks. It distills all the chaos and action of any game in the history of all baseball games into one tiny, perfect, rectangular sequence of numbers. I can look at this box and I can recreate exactly what happened on some sunny summer day back in 1947. It's like the numbers talk to me, they comfort me. They tell me that even though lots of things can change some things do remain the same. It's...
Scully: (interrupting) Boring.

Scully: Did your mother ever tell you to go outside and play? Mulder?

Scully: (to Mulder) You rebel.

Mulder: It's official. I am a horse's ass.

Baseball Fun: Present Day Ball Park Scene, The Unnatural

Three of a Kind

Frohike: (laughs and shakes his head) She's gonna kick our ass.

Langly: Uhhhm, Scully? What killed him?
Scully: My medical opinion? BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! (claps hands loudly)

Frohike: Hey Timmy. I'm sorry about Jimmy.
Timmy: Hey, Langly, the guys are all up in my room for a round of Dungeons and Dragons in honor of Jimmy.
Langly: (puts his hand on his heart) Lord Manhammer will be in attendance. (to Frohike) I'm gonna go play a little D&D, uh, in memorium.
Frohike: That's touching, man.

Scully: Well ... I just can't decide who lights my fire.

Frohike: I found Agent Scully-go-lightly holding court ...

Scully: Oow ... just a little prick ...

Frohike: (quietly to Scully) Good work, party girl.

Scully: (on her cellphone, shouting) Hello, Mulder? Can you hear me? I'm at the hotel. Where are you? What do you mean, "what hotel," Las Vegas. I'm in Las Vegas, aren't you? You called me. What do you mean you didn't call me? Oh man, I am gonna kick their asses.

Langly: You know, Byers, growing old with us ain't so bad.
Frohike: Oh, shut up, Langly. You really want him to kill himself?

Field Trip

Scully: UFOs. Extraterrestrial visitors from beyond who apparently have nothing better to do than buzz one mountain over and over again for 700 years.
Mulder: (hurt) Sounds like crap when you say it.

Scully: Mulder, can't you just for once, just... for the novelty of it come up with the simplest explanation, the most logical one, instead of automatically jumping to UFOs or Bigfoot or...?
Mulder: Scully, in six years, how... how often have I been wrong? No, seriously. I mean, every time I bring you a case we go through this perfunctory dance. You tell me I'm not being scientifically rigorous and that I'm off my nut, and then in the end who turns out to be right like 98.9% of the time? I just think I've... earned the benefit of the doubt here.

Scully: Mulder. Why the hell did you leave North Carolina without telling me?

Mulder: (smiling) I abducted him. It's a gray. It speaks to me. We communicate telepathically. He told me everything.

Scully: (furious) What the hell is wrong with everybody?! You guys, there are unanswered questions here! Am I the only one that's asking them?!

Skinner: It's a rare day when the two of you sign off on the same report.

Biogenesis

Skinner: Dr. Merkmallen found an artifact in his country. This is a rubbing of that artifact. (He hands Scully a pencil rubbing of the fragment)He claimed it contained a message- not only of his Mars theories but the very meaning of human existence.
Scully: (pointedly to Mulder)Much less plausible.
Mulder: Dr. Sandoz, the man he'd come to meet made a similar claim in a … (pointedly to Scully) … "science" ... journal.He said he'd found an artifact that was almost identical to that with similar writings on it.

Chuck Burke: No, no. You know me. This is right up my twisted little alley.

Chruck Burke: Barnes has made something of a career exposing science and religious fraud. Name your wonder of the world-- he's been there, debunked that.

Scully: Mulder, you're not okay. If nothing else, you should be at home in bed.

Mulder: Scully, you packing any latex?

Mulder: Well, then, you go ahead and prove me wrong, Scully.

Scully: It began with an act of supreme violence-- a big bang expanding ever outward, cosmos born of matter and gas, matter and gas ten billion years ago. Whose idea was this? Who had the audacity for such invention? And the reason? Were we part of that plan ten billion years ago? Are we born only to die? To be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth before giving way to our generations? If there is a beginning, must there be an end? We burn like fires in our time only to be extinguished. To surrender to the elements' eternal reclaim. Matter and gas... will this all end one day? Life no longer passing to life, the Earth left barren like the stars above, like the cosmos. Will the hand that lit the flame let it burn down? Let it burn out? Could we, too, become extinct? Or if this fire of life living inside us is meant to go on, who decides? Who tends the flames? Can he reignite the spark even as it grows cold and weak?

Scully: I want to talk to him. (Mulder)
Doctor: No, he's a danger to anyone.
Scully: (confidently) Not to me.

Scully: You're a liar.
Skinner: Scully!
Scully: You're both liars.