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Okay finally the world is sorta slowing down. Was getting ultra ultra hectic there for a sec, but everything's okay cause I got my brand new kicking Sony headphones from Wal-Mart. I've been using these junky ear plugs for a while now so I'm surprised at how much of a difference there is. I'm hearing all kinds of new sounds on the Goldeneye soundtrack. Having a CD player next to my computer is really important because I need something to keep me occupied while I'm sitting here waiting for the computer to re-boot from the two millionth crash of the day.
Whoops, free bathroom! Gotta take the opportunity when it comes.
Okay, pee over.
Chaka Khan sounds really good on this thing. *groovin*
I don't know what the fuck I've been up to. Got another discounted Chevron car wash.
Oh, drunk drunk drunk. IG-88 can drink half the planet under the table. It's quite frightening really. Vodka sevens AND Bud Lite. And he barely ate a goddamn thing!
I'm not a huge vodka fan. Whenever I drink it in any form, martini, straight, whatever, I can't get the words "rubbing alcohol" outta my head.
Out of all of Ball And Chain's friends, I like IG-88 the best. That boy knows how to party. And of course, he's the friend they like to invite out the least.
I swear to God, there is like this correlation between laziness and stupidity. The more Ball And Chain sits on her ass, the dumber she gets. I swear to God, at the hotel, IG-88 spilled just a little little bit of beer on the comforter. They go to clean it and next thing I know, they're soaking the ENTIRE comforter in the bathtub. I mean, I was drunk, but I just stood there going, "No fucking way. What the living fuck were you people thinking?" Crabby Boba is autistically touching her hair going, "It's on my credit card. The room's on my credit card." Whatever decent buzz I had just completely drained out of me.
Generic Cigarettes was irritating the shit outta me too. All day, all night, nothing but MTV and she just doesn't get the hint that I'm trying to get some fucking sleep already.
"Who's Marilyn Manson going out with?" she asks.
My eyes are closed and I'm trying to sleep.
Instead of letting me sleep, she asks louder! "Who's Marilyn Manson going out with?"
I sigh very irritatedly. "I don't know."
Generic Cigarettes keeps going. "She was pretty right?"
"I don't know."
"I remember her being pretty."
She leaves me alone for a second until Crabby Boba and Ball And Chain return from wherever they will wander. "Hey you guys? Who's Marilyn Manson going out with?"
They ALL proceed to loudly debate who on earth could possibly find a soulmate in Marilyn Manson. Finally I couldn't fucking take it anymore. "ROSE MCGOWAN!" I screamed. "HE'S FUCKING GOING OUT WITH ROSE FUCKING MCGOWAN! PICK UP A FUCKING COPY OF ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY ALREADY!!!!!"
The amazing thing is, from 7 am to 11, IG-88 managed to sleep through everything. Everything. When that fucker sleeps, not even Marilyn Manson's girlfriend can wake him up. Wait. Did Marilyn Manson get married? Hmm... Maybe I should pick up an Entertainment Weekly.
Holy shit, Sugar Ray's Abracadabra sounds BADASS on these headphones. You know, if I was a rich man, I'll buy ALL of you a pair of these headphones. But I'm not a rich man so I can't, so the best I can do is type the word "lime" for you. That's my gift to the world. "Lime."
I don't know what the hell that means either.
I got a big banana confession. I wasn't the hugest fan of the original Austin Powers movie (**1/2). But I swear, I was laughing my ass off in The Spy Who Shagged Me. That whole "zip it" speech was longer and way funnier than they show in the commercial. All those phallus references. The naked Mike Myers opening sequence. And the movie's so fucking quotable. IG-88 can't stop saying "Get in my belly!" I can't stop going, "Lemur! You're a lemur! Now burrow! You're a Vietcong digging an intricate design of maze-like tunnels!"
I even think that so far this year, that Madonna song has the biggest shot at an Oscar. I just hope Phil Collins and Disney don't go hogging all the nominations as Disney cartoons usually do. Although actually, I kinda like that song they play in the trailers for Tarzan. Ball And Chain bought the soundtrack and she insisted on popping my trunk and sticking it in my disc changer. I hate it when she does that because she never remembers to take her CDs back out and I'm stuck with some generic sound-a-like 97.5 band in my car but this time, since I kinda like the song, too bad. It's mines now. You leave it in my trunk, it's my compact disc.
