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Okay, I officially gave in. I left a message on Camel Girl's answering machine for her to call me back. I can't stand the not knowing part. I have to know if she knows about what I said on Tequila Night. I'm still convinced her and Cock Eyes are fucking.
Jealousy is an emotion I'm not that familiar with.
In one of the most rude, bonehead moves ever in history, I had to go to Chinatown with the Good Mother & Co. to take her fucking wedding pictures. I guess it was her intention for all of us to look stupid standing in the middle of produce marts with her in a full wedding dress and Dental Chick in a black evening gown and Flip and Yobo in tuxes. I got off lucky though. She wanted me to look like me: t-shirt and shorts, shades, and my Jamba Juice.
The coolest part was when she threw her bunch of flowers for me to hold onto. You know how people in Chinatown walk really fast in that Chinky-I-don't-give-a-fuck-I'm-in-a-rush mode? Right when the Good Mother threw the flowers for me to hold onto, an elderly Chinese guy walked right into the line of fire and it hit him full-on in the head. The look on the Good Mother's face was priceless; she was screaming apologies at the old man all the way up the fruit carts. They really should've got a picture of that.
Saturday, May 20, 2000, 11:55pm
Okay, I lost out on the book review. I would've been really good at reviewing that book too since I knew The Second Great Hawaiian Hope while he was writing it. My fault, some other writer beat me to the deadline. Sharks. But it was my fault, I've been trying to put my life back together again now that I'm unemployed. Get me a job? Anybody?
Anyway, in a way, it was worth it. I seriously needed some goofing off time. Some really nasty after-shock shit went on with Ball And Chain. Then there was the Camel Girl debacle. (Cock Eyes broke up with his girlfriend. Coincidence? I don't think so.)
At least I'm not insanely jealous. I had a really great day with the ex-work bunch. Haleiwa is the definitely the farthest I've ever drove by myself. Not even in California to Magic Mountain. And I got lost. For the record, I'm not smoking crack, it's WAIALUA fire station, damnit. Anyway...
I got to go in the water for the first time in decades. I even got to body board. Okay, not quite. We had no idea what to do with the boards but it was still fun just bobbing around. "That leash-thing is supposed to go around your neck!" There's a tanline by my knee. But yeah, I really wanna learn how to body board. In fact, I just wanna start going beach in general already. Swimming is really good therapy for your back.
A beagle humped my arm.
I attempted to show Camel Girl and Ball Kicker my underwear, but really, I had a good reason for it.
Cock Eyes and Batting-Cage Girl buried me up to my knees in the sand and they packed it in really tight so I couldn't break out. Cock Eyes seemed to think he was the Rabbit of Seville. Then they had fun pushing me forward into the ski position. Then they pushed me backwards into the abdominal workout position. Rinse, repeat. Then they left me there all by myself for a while. At least they gave me a towel since I was getting cold. Then they came back and tickled me. I nearly flicked Cock Eyes in the nuts with the towel. My legs may be immobilized, but I can still use the ordinary towel as a deadly weapon. Jet Li, lookout.
I'm really gonna miss Camel Girl when she goes. Not only because I got a secret, stupid crush on her. Getting together with everyone just won't be the same without her.
I'm still not quite sure if she knows. She tried to set me up with not one, but TWO of her friends. She asked me why. I'm not really attracted to any of them but I decided to be polite. "I refuse to sleep with friends of friends. As soon as the deed is done, they'll tell you that I'm lousy in bed and I got a tiny dick." That was a graceful exit, wasn't it? Wasn't it?
The Attorney brought her buddy and when me and Camel Girl stood up to compare our heights, we asked for her opinion. We were standing face-to-face. And the Attorney's Buddy kept going "What? What?" When she finally understood that we wanted her opinion on who was taller, she goes, "OH! I thought you guys were gonna kiss!" I made a graceful joke about how we always need someone to go "Ready, set, go" before we kiss, but thankfully it was night-time and I really doubt anyone could see me blushing.
I got probs. I don't have time for stinking book reviews. Nor do I have time to fuck with the persistant, irritating folks at Unemployment. I really wanna work on the lesbian short story actually... There's a plan.
A stranger out of the blue sent me an email regarding a song question I had in my Wild Wild West review. That's really cool cause that was fucking months ago already. Were they reading it for the journal or the movie review? Cause if it was the movie review, now I feel bad cause I haven't exactly been Roger Ebert-ing over here and my bright idea for a title was "Aaron's Movie Reviews." So from now, here goes:
Battlefield Earth seriously sucked banana-sized monkey dick.
