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Here's the situational definition of elderly senility in a nutshell: For some reason, the ads in the Sunday newspaper must be disposed of that very night because garbage day is Monday morning. Nevermind the fact that the rest of the newspaper isn't dumped, only the ads, Circuit City and CompUSA in particular. Nevermind nevermind the fact that there are other garbage days in existence, like Thursday, or even the next Monday.
The clear signal that I am pissed off in my home is when I begin practicing my putting on the flat carpet in the patio.
A man's grip on his world is defined by his grip on his club.
My grandmother is driving me insane. Even though I am older than dirt, I still have to disguise the smell with Dunhill cologne when I go outside for a cigarette during those blessed moments of peace while the old woman showers. Thank God, for some reason, it takes her nearly half the day to bathe. What in the name of John Woo blazes does she do in there?
Thursday, November 2, 2000, 2:19pm
This is how strange my life has gotten. A video game reminded me of my mother's birthday. My Seaman looks at me and goes, "Isn't tomorrow your mother's birthday? Did you get her something?" It's really eerie when you forget you gave your Sega Dreamcast that information.
Speaking of Sega Dreamcast, I celebrated the PS2 launch by buying a new game for my Dreamcast: Silent Scope. It's so so cool to be a sniper. And I also rented Street Fighter Third Impact. Is it just me or are the Street Fighter games getting more and more difficult?
In fact there's a whole shitload of games coming out now that I wanna get: Jet Grind Radio, Shenmue, Spawn, Ready To Rumble 2, The World Is Not Enough... And I'm kinda curious to rent the Alien Resurrection game for the original Playstation. They all come out at the same time. Go figure.
I'm actually in a slight protest against the PS2. I purposely bought Silent Scope for my Dreamcast instead of waiting for my PS2 and I'm probably gonna do the same for Ready To Rumble 2. Don't get me wrong; I have a PS2 for the November shipment but since it was a handshake kinda guarantee at Toys N Joys, there's a good chance I'm probably not on the list. But then, I don't think I'd be very disappointed. I'm mad at Sony. I smell a conspiracy. You just know there's a Hangar 18 warehouse in the middle of the Nevada desert in Area 51 or something, and it's filled to the top like the end of Raiders Of The Lost Ark, filled with PS2 units. I mean, c'mon, it's a fucking conspiracy. Either that or it's in an underground bunker beneath the bullet train in Japan. The fact is, Sony is just sitting on hundreds of thousands of units. Hell, Sony's probably the ones selling it for a grand on eBay!
But anyway, after the video game reminded me of Mommy's b-day, I booked it to the Ala Moana Foot Locker and bought her a pair of these purple Skechers she wanted.
Me to the salesperson: Yes, I'd like a women's size!
I none too subtly made sure that if it didn't fit her, she could return it. DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT, IT'S A FUCKING GIFT ALL RIGHT?!
To smoothe my ego over a little, I bought a pair of really masculine-looking men's shoes for myself too. But I've had my eye on it for a while and it finally went on sale and it so happened when you buy a second pair, it's 50% off. Good deal.
And then I accidently outed a lesbian. Long story, don't ask.
You can understand why I want to move to Vegas.
Holy shit, Best In Show was a funny-ass movie. My only gripe, it was really fricken short. Under 90 minutes. But then people say that's how you can tell when you're having a good time; it goes by faster.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, Pay It Forward seemed like it would never end. Oh my God, how I hate this film, let me count the ways. Do me a favor. Tell three people you know not to see Pay It Forward and make sure those three people tell three people they know not to see the movie.
In addition to time wasted at that film, I also recently viewed Planet Of The Apes for the first time. I decided to catch it on TNT on the recommendation of The Good Mother who did a hilarious Charleton Heston-- "Get your paws off me, you bloody apes!" "Goddamn you all to hell!"-- and because Tim Burton's remaking it with Marky Mark and Helena Bonham Carter having wild monkey sex (no pun intended), Tim Roth as a chimpanzee, and that big black guy from The Green Mile as a silverback. Suffice to say, the original is not my cup of tea. Maybe because I'm jaded. Even though the film itself came first, I'd swear I was watching a SNL routine. I passed on watching the rest of the marathon as the credits for Escape From The Planet Of The Apes began.
