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What the living fucking bananas have I been doing all this time?
Shit. I don't remember.
I'm a slug. But not as much of a slug as Ball And Chain. I swear to God, if it was one of those deals where someone comes up to you and goes, "I'll give you $10,000 no strings attached," Ball And Chain would just do nothing for the rest of her life. I mean, let's say the unthinkable happened: I sold a book and booku-millionairre. I'd still keep some sort of job. Work at Starbucks or something. (Isn't that what one does when occupationally slumming?)
Oh shit, speaking of what I want to do with my life, I finally figured it out. I'm gonna open my own action figure store (cause I may as fucking well already). I'm gonna call it Aaron's Spare Limbs.
I spent a banana-boat of credit on toys. My Visa's skyrocketing like a stepped-on banana. And I haven't even done my DVD purchases from Reel.com yet. Oh and Cdnow just sent me another $5 off thing which would let me buy the Wild Wild West soundtrack. Not that I'm getting it for the Will Smith song because he's a R&B cannibal. I like the song by Julio Iglesias's son. Nice hook no?
But anyway yeah, I'm totally getting into action figures again. I completed my Metal Gear Solid collection so now I'm looking for variants. Plus now I have to finish the game too cause I kinda feel like a hypocrite. I have no idea who Vulcan Raven is, yet I own two of him. It's all about morals, you see? That's how you get respect in the action figure business.
I crack myself up.
Speaking of cracking myself up, I'm listening to the soundtrack for The Red Shoe Diaries. You wanna see really bad acting by David Duchovny? Tune into one of the repeats on Showtime and watch him talking to Stella The Dog.
I need to get a life. Last night's episode of Red Shoes Diaries was getting me horny. You know you have too much time on your hands when you're watching Red Shoe Diaries.
Eyes Wide Shut sounds like a "literate" version of a Red Shoe Diaries episode.
Speaking of too much time on my hands, I was so bored bananas I made a new screenname on AOL (DMaul295) and went into the Asians Over 25 chatroom to fuck with The Good Mother.
Speaking of stuff mentioned while chatting with the Good Mother (who actually went through the trouble of going to Kinko's to scan my 8th grade picture just to annoy me), Glass Eye is really beginning to fucking annoy me. For some reason, he's starting to go to the gym at the hours I go and he just stands around trying to make small talk. Already I'm not very good at small talk and it's a huger disadvantage when I'm trying to make small talk with someone I can't fucking stand. He's so irritating. He just comes over and stands around and makes like he's all big and hotshit and "Oh, no more chicks tonight so I might as well go home already" and... FUCK! What a fucking loser. Suddenly I don't feel so bad about watching the Red Shoe Diaries. And the dumbfuck is always looking at himself in the mirrors and then he lifts his shirt and he's all "I gotta work on my abs" and I'm like, "Why don't you go over to the abs side and leave me alone cause you're fucking embarassing."
Loser.
Speaking of just sitting around watching the Red Shoe Diaries (I'm getting paid each time I type "Red Shoe Diaries"), I went to the Taste Of Honolulu. (I was sitting around with Kitsune and we were just talking about how it seemed like yesterday that we did last year's Taste Of Honolulu review. Speaking of Spunker, guess what's coming back!)
Anyway, at Taste Of Honolulu, I think I'm growing seriously old. I really can't handle oily foods already. I felt all sick, kinda like when I ate all that fried seafood at the New York New York in Vegas. Speaking of which, ALMOST TIME TO GAMBLE! Anyway, I finally tried Pyramids and I really wanna go but I don't know how comfortable I'd be with belly-dancing while eating. I tried the lobster ravioli at Prince Court. Again, too oily for me. The Maui Wowie salad at Nicholas Nicholas was all tomato and goat cheese but then again, what idiot goes to Nicholas Nicholas for the food. That place exists just for the kick-ass view and that's that. I forgot what else I ate already.
Speaking of growing too old, I've hit the pinnacle of oldness. I got hit on by a sixteen year old. I could just feel the liver spots blowing up on my skin. Hopefully I was as graceful as possible in the gracious rejection. "Thank you and I'm really flattered but I don't wanna go to jail."
Would you fuck a sixteen year old? Let's not even go there.
Speaking of sixteen year olds, I saw the Phantom Menace again (fifth time!). I didn't notice any Darth Vader shadow or any space pods from 2001 in Watto's junkyard (then again, I could never sit through 2001 so how the fuck would I know?) but I did notice Natalie Portman is really kinda cute. I mean, I had the Underage Blinders on for a while but I guess... Nevermind. Isn't she 18 now? I know she just celebrated her birthday.
Nevermind. I got probs.
You know you got probs when the thing that's really got you excited is the prospect of trying out a new leg routine. Destroy the hamstrings first, then squat!
Big Daddy made me laugh once-- I think when Adam Sandler threw the guy's french fries in McDonald's. That's it. It appears everyone else at the theater had a really good time though. I must be growing old.
