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Okay, don’t mind me. I just saw Ally McBeal and I got a call out of the fucking blue from Sister Pie so I’m extremely neurotic right now. I think I’m having a mid-life crisis.
I’m growing old. Shit. I’m at that age where suddenly people you haven’t spoken to for years upon years suddenly calls you outta the blue to invite you to their wedding. I mean, shit. Are we at that age where we gotta get married? Oh shit. Shit.
Shit.
Well...
Shit.
Just for reality check, I went to visit Chip Douglas and I told him, “Look, just don’t tell me your getting married, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Thank God.”
“We’re moving in together.”
“WHAT?! That’s practically marriage already!!!”
Shit.
I guess... Shit. I don’t know. Me and Ball And Chain are gonna make four years and... Shit.
Right after Valentine’s Day too! I mean, I could barely commit to staying for one night in a hotel, much less marriage! I mean... Shit. That’s a major schedule change to say the least.
If I say “shit” again, slap me.
Is there something fucking wrong with me?! I mean... No. Okay. Rephrase. I’m the most immature sonavabitch on the entire planet so it’s perfectly natural that marriage would just freak the living shit outta me. I mean, marriage by choice, not the ole, we-were-so-horny-that-we-couldn’t-help-but-fuck-without-The-Pill marriage.
Not that I have anything against marriage.
Maybe I’m just in such an immature little place that I can’t imagine anyone around my age getting married. Then again, we are at that type of age.
Fuck.
Suffice to say, I haven’t seen this person for a real long time. And it’s a wedding! I generally hate weddings.
I feel like such an incredible asshole but for the first time in my life, I just might pull the oldest excuse in the book: “Umm, I think I’m gonna be off the island.”
Suffice to say, Valentine’s went quite well. Just one fight and it only lasted like Lenscrafters: for about an hour. I got laid, she got laid, and I ate an expensive sashimi teishoku.
I also had one of the most incredible iced coffees I’ve ever had in my entire existence. They brought the really really strong coffee in this flask, and the cream and liquid sugar in shot glasses. Here’s the coolest part. In a large goblet, there were ice cubes of frozen coffee! It was so kick ass and the caffeine buzz... Ho man... It was almost better than a blowjob. Okay. The truth? I’m growing real old. It WAS better than a blow job.
Blast From The Past was real fucking funny. I’m gonna do that Christopher Walken snap-the-fingers thing every opportunity I get.
Spunker
Aaron’s Movie
Reviews 2
