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I must find the strength, will, and desire to pick up the change that falls out of my pocket when I sit down. The really odd thing is that this phenomenon only happens at the end of the day. Strange, no?
Thursday, February 24, 2000, 2:02am
I'm officially Asshole Of The Year, and this time, I'm fucking proud of it! At work. Long story short. I was totally dissed, yelled at, and abused by a pothead with only one leg.
Yes, this is my life. People with missing limbs are trying to fuck with me already.
Now, before I continue, I need you to understand, he was RUDE and not only to me. He was totally yelling at and giving shit to the poor girl who was helping me, and started yelling and stuff during the official proceedings.
Then we took a break and as I was heading out, he taps my shoulder and goes, "Young man, tell me where the bathroom is."
I take one look at his prosthetic leg and a light bulb goes off above my head. "You know what? It's over there. I'm going right now. Follow me." AND I TAKE OFF LIKE A BAT OUTTA HELL! I could hear him slowly clumping down the hallway behind me and as I was taking a leak, I couldn't help just giggling to myself. (Granted, if people saw me taking a leak and giggling to myself, they would have totally got the wrong idea, buy hey, it would have been worth it.)
But just let me re-iterate: he was a PRICK. It's not like I go fucking with crippled folks everyday or something.
Friday, February 25, 2000, 12:04pm
What would you do if you found out that the girl who stomped all over your heart has an identical twin? And the twin turns out to be the nicer, kinder one. It's like I was talking to Her again, but she's not quite Her. As if my life had to get any stranger...
"So, uh, what did your sister tell you about me?"
"Everything."
"No way."
"Way."
As The Good Mother said: "I totally don't see the problem here. GO AFTER THE TWIN!!!" I know I'm being thoroughly defeatist about this but, she's not the same.
In other news, Troll Girl is turning me into Goatee's pimp.
"Ask him for me! But he has to use a condom and get a bloodtest. And tell him, if one of us wants to back out of the deal, we can. And he has to take a shower before, but not in their shower cause it's fucking gross. I mean, he's so earthy... So Neanderthal... I totally like that. It's sensual."
Goatee? Sensual?
"Tell him he won't even have to do anything. I'll be on top. All he has to do is lie there."
"Umm, why don't I just give you his email add--"
"NO! I don't wanna ask him if he's gonna reject me. Oh, and since he shares a room with Darth J, Darth J absolutely cannot be there."
"Should I be taking notes?"
Tuesday, February 29, 2000, 4:25pm
I'm not gonna go into a long explanation about it, but picture me in an extremely stressful work situation and all of a sudden, I get asked a question out of left field; and I've been continually asked this question all my life, just not while I was totally fucking busy.
"FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME-- NO, I DID NOT GO TO MCKINLEY!!!"
I hope this clears everything up.
Apparently I have a doppelganger who graduated from McKinley and works at Local Motion in Waikiki. Whatever.
