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To perfectly top it all off, I think I'm sick. I nearly died doing legs at the gym and my head felt a little funny, and since last night, I had a sore throat although I thought I just smoked too much. Ball And Chain was whining all through last night about how she thinks she's coming down with something. Never fails. She whines and bitches about having everything from a hypochondriac fever, ear infection, and ulcer, and I suddenly catch another actual cold. I should have seen this one coming.
If I am indeed single again, not sure what I'm gonna do with myself. I think I'll finish a book and get a part time job at someplace I always wanted to work.
I think I'm bitter too. I was watching That 70's Show and the main guy's girlfriend comes in and says that while he was getting smashed with his father at a bar, she came over cause she finally felt like doing "it." And he goes, "I assure you, I'll be home tonight." And she shakes her head, "No. I don't feel IT tonight. See ya." And she leaves.
And instead of laughing, I'm nodding sagely to myself in agreement like I'm watching an anthropology documentary.
If this is a cold, when I'm better, I seriously need to make some fucking changes already. I noticed I get sick all the time ever since I started going out with Ball And Chain. Perhaps it's because I'm perpetually freezing in her room. I also lose a helluva lotta sleep having to wake in the middle of the night to drive home.
I swear, if this is it, and it ever comes to the point where I start dating someone new, there is no way in hell I'm making the same damn mistake twice. I am NOT getting "involved." I really should take this opportunity. Oh fuck a duck, dividing stuff is gonna be a helluva bitch. Not to mention her family. Oh God, her fucking friends.
That would be a total mess.
I think the biggest problem was that I was basically her first. I had no idea the kinda pressure that could put on me. On top of that, she came from an extremely sheltered private school. I should've seen this one coming. Heck, I should've just cut it short in those early months cause I knew it wasn't gonna get better.
The thing that really bites is, I feel extremely guilty cause her birthday is this weekend. If she cried wolf, she's gonna want me to call and plan something and the whole deal as if nothing happened. But the catch is, if I do call, she isn't gonna make it that fucking easy even though that's exactly what she wants. And I do not have the fucking patience right now. And plus, I might be coming down with something.
What to do, what to do...
All of your choices are half chance.
Thursday, October 7, 1999, 2:23 am
Well, I guess I was single again for 24 hours... sigh. You get the picture. I really don't feel like writing about it (as opposed to talking about it?). It never fails. She breaks up with me and I fall for it, and I start thinking plans and shit, and suddenly, it's just a fire drill. Fuck. And now I feel like an idiot.
Anyway, I made plans with Crabby Boba about Ball And Chain's birthday. Interesting. I never talked to her on the phone, nor even called her up without Ball And Chain around. I think she was thrown off at first. So we made plans and reiterated plans and she still didn't want to get off the phone!
"So I'll see you guys at six?"
"Yup," I say.
"Okay."
"Okay, shoots den. We'll pick you up at six." I'm all set to hang up.
"Okay. Oh, by the way, what did you get her?"
And this is a cellular call damnit!
Then when I'm at Ball And Chain's, Crabby Boba pages me to discuss a cake.
"Okay, yeah that'll be cool. Go do em. Shoots. I'll see you at six." I'm all set to hang up.
"Okay. Oh, by the way, you heard the new Garbage James Bond song?"
I shit you not. Where the hell did she get that from?!
I mean, it's cool talking to her and all, but I just felt so weird talking to her without Ball And Chain around, nor knowing. And plus, Crabby Boba just totally didn't seem like the "phone type."
Oh fuck, I totally forgot. Since I was single last night... I forgot how much fun flirting was. I flirted my ass off. Totally fucking shameful. And I should've been taking care of my cold too. Strange how the world sometimes presents opportunities right when it's so damn... Although in retrospect, I think I was doing revenge flirting. Granted, I thought she was seriously attractive and I was always curious about boinking a girl with... Nevermind. The real question is, how do I manage to persuade her to boink me? Perhaps I can bribe her with my new Nine Inch Nails CD. Yeah, that'll work!
Change the subject.
You know how there's certain people who can tell when it's raining cause their joints hurt? I finally figured out my antenna/body part. My ears! When I'm tired, my ears get a slight muffled ring. When I'm sick, they hurt like hell. Right now, they hurt like hell and they're muffled and ringing.
The Corruptor DVD came with a really neato documentary on the making of the film and it contained the unedited version of the film's car chase. The thing is, I can't tell the difference between the two. I'm growing too too old.
