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Oh god, I'm so drunk I'm sober.
What the fuck happened tonight anyway?
Okay, umm, I remember a buffet.
I remember taking off Bill Gates' shoe and holding it up.
Oh. I remember Melonhead making the longest, most incoherent, and EMBARASSING speech. Everyone was going, "oh shit, we DO NOT fucking know this person."
I remember a rigged raffle.
Crab. A lotta buttery fingers.
Desperately paying five bucks for 10 tylenols at the hotel mini-mart.
And then there was Dell Pickle. Poor, poor Dell Pickle. Then again, if someone can get that much mileage from one fucking beer, more power to them-- that's a cheap date. I think he hugged me about twenty times. Then again, he hugged everyone twenty times. Then again again, he lap-danced me too. And oh Christ, he pressed himself against my passenger window.
I remember telling Ball And Chain, aw hell, it's only a work function. Drink? Of course not! No one drinks!
Then we went to World Cafe. And of course, The Real World was filming there. (I cannot escape them! They're following me damnit!!!) "Naw, we went straight home afterwards." Then she flips on MTV and, "Umm, Aaron? Isn't that you drooling over the girl with the black chain on her left bi-cep?"
First time at the new World Cafe. I'm oooold. But then, I forgot how much alcohol dancing to hip hop can burn off. That's how I end up with no money in my wallet. Then again, I got a free T-shirt.
Then again, girl in black with the arm-band chain. Grrrrr...
Surprisingly clean bathroom at World Cafe. I wanted to give the old man bathroom attendent some money but I'm really really fucking broke.
Okay, I'm coming down down down. I think I need a little more scotch to make it through me homework.
Oh shit, I could have sworn I saw Breasts making out with Leonardo DiKimChee. If so... Hmm... I wonder how lucrative an occupation blackmail is...
Never Been Kissed was kinda not funny.
