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How’s this for schizo? After spending the whole week calling myself the biggest asshole on the planet, I’m gonna spend this entire entry patting myself on the back until my arm breaks.
I just got an e mail from the Hairy Editor. Turns out he read the chapters tonight and he loves it! He said it was “soooo fucking funny,” and that’s a pretty big deal cause he’s like Melonhead. He’s the type of person who doesn’t laugh. Instead he looks with this utterly blank look going, “You know, that’s really funny,” without even a hint of a smile.
I guess I’m a little jazzed about that one. I mean, I was a little worried that he would be thoroughly offended that I based the not-so-positive-lit main character on him but oh well, I guess I did a pretty good job. I LOVE MYSELF I LOVE MYSELF I LOVE MYSELF
I kinda figured out the plotline for the rest of the book too. I think I’m really gonna try and finish this one. Especially since summer vacation is coming up. Wow. Imagine if I publish it. Then the movie rights. Paperback sales. The Diamond Head mansion. The Jeep Wrangler. A new computer. Membership at Honolulu Club. Thousands of white Quicksilver t-shirts. www.aaronsmoviereviews2.com. Two girls at the same time.
Okay. Time to come back down to planet Earth.
Ball And Chain got herself into a major predicament. It’s actually pretty bad and she was pretty shaken up. I’m not sure if it was wrong for me to do this, but I kinda pretended that it wasn’t her fault and don’t worry about it cause the blame ain’t on you and blah blah blah. Meanwhile, in my head, I’m thinking, “Oh God, she is so fucked it ain’t funny.”
It’s kind of a bad habit of mine. If you’re really close to me, you could’ve fucking murdered somebody and I’d be in total denial about it or something. “No no. It was entirely his fault. He cut in front of you to go ride Music Express. You had no choice but to kill him” or something to that effect.
I remember when she called me up crying one afternoon cause she lost her job. I told her, “This is the blessing you’ve been waiting for! You’re free!” Then I took her out for a $100 lunch. Inside I’m thinking, “Jesus Christ, you just screwed yourself so fucking badly what the living fuck are you gonna do now?”
The Good Mother once told me in the nicest voice in the world, “This too shall pass.”
On the other hand, on a night where I was totally heartbroken, she also told me, “Aaron. Women are like cigarettes. Smoke one, put it out, and light another.”
I think I hear the theme song for my TV show beginning to play again.
I’m not sure what song I’d pick for my TV show. Definitely nothing by Paula Cole. I really wouldn’t mind the New Radicals’ “You Get What You Give.” Kistune said that song sounds gay. And this coming from the guy who ended up in a gay bar on Sunday. Please niggah...
How’s this for bone head? I had my gym bag in the car just in case and when I left Ball And Chain’s tonight, I debated and debated and debated until I finally decided to go gym. I pay my dollar for parking, I go in the locker room, unzip my bag and I realize, I forgot my goddamn fucking shorts. What the fuck am I gonna do? Squats in my jeans?
As I’m leaving, I wave to the very confused front desk clerk. “Heh, heh. I uh, umm... I forgot something in the car. Be right back!”
And here I am.
Hello, nice to see you.
You know, I gave it some thought and I decided that I wasn’t on crack. I really, honestly enjoyed Office Space that fucking much. I laughed my ass off in this movie! On top of that, it had such a positive and important moral message. You gotta love your job and if you don’t, fuck it and get the fuck out and take as much as humanly possible with you.
On top of that, it’s the kinda movie you can watch over and over again, finding new quotes. Off the top of my head.
“This is a fuck!!!”
“I’m going to set the building on fire.”
“You only have fifteen pieces of flair.”
“Umm, yeah...”
There was just so many classic parts: the reformed crack addict, the dork rapping in his car during traffic, the slo-mo disk passing scene...
I’m not a huge Beavis And Butthead or King Of The Hill fan, but if this is what Mike Judge is capable of outside the cartoon realm, I love that guy.
Spunker
Aaron’s Movie
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