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With the amount of people re-scheduling work around Star Wars, they should've just declared May 19 a national holiday.
Okey doke, mees thinks mees gots some bones to picks withee Anakin Skywalker *Jar-Jar voice*.
I think I finally put my finger on what was bugging me about Anakin Skywalker and it wasn't Jake Lloyd's fault. It's George Lucas'. He kinda short-changed the character. It would have been nice to see some flashes of the Sith-kinda-evil-to-come in young Anakin. Something like his mom going, "Anakin, time for bed!"
Anakin: No!
Mom: Time for bed!!!
Anakin: NO!!!
Mom: Anakin, I'm not gonna tell you again...
Anakin: (his eyes turning evil) Mother. I said NO, GODDAMNIT! ARE YOU FUCKING DEAF, BITCH?!
You know, just some sort of sense of forboding or something. Don't get me wrong, I'm just knit-picking after seeing it for the second time in 24 hours. The movie's still cooler than a bottle of chunky monkeys. Go. Bring a loved one or something.
The other thing I didn't like about Anakin was the fact that he did everything by accident. He hits the wrong button and he saves the universe or whatever. That's fucking bullshit, man. He's the chosen one and he's just doing everything by accident? Gimme a break.
And what the fuck is up with Tatooine anyway? They seriously need an Outreach program or something cause all the poor kids grow up either to be Greedos or Lords Of Sith.
Cartman said that he expected Samuel L. Jackson to go: "The boy IS the chosen one, muthafuckah!"
I swear those alien dudes who were in cahoots with Darth Sidius, they were Chinese. Did you hear those accents? Racism, man! Evil George Lucas is trying to bring back the yellow peril!
Gimme one more viewing and I should be able to do an equally irritating imitation of Jar Jar Binks, complete with voice, tongue, and walk.
Bubba does the absolute fucking MEANEST imitation of Darth Maul pacing back and forth outside those heat wall things. It's all in the mouth and eyes.
For that matter, what the hell was those heat-wall thingies for anyway?
If George Lucas had decided to give the Wise Negro role to Will Smith instead of Samuel L. Jackson, would Will Smith have done a dance-rap song for Phantom Menace?
I really wish I saw the movie at Dole Cannery instead of Waikiki last night. Everything about Dole Cannery is better. I mean, I'd much rather wait in line outside in the open air rather than in a 240 degree garage that smells like piss.
I'm so close to splurging on the pod racer game for the Nintendo 64. I tried it out at Software Etc. today. It ain't that great, but you know, it has something to do with Star Wars.
OHMYGOD, you're not gonna fucking believe what happened to me last night! When I was waiting in line for Star Wars, I got a page from Chip Douglas with a 911. He NEVER uses 911 so I immediately called him back on my cellphone whose battery dies after one minute of usage. Anyway, turns out, he goes, "GET OVER HERE NOW!"
I'm all, "Why?!"
Chip: Cause I'm holding the first draft of the script for the next James Bond movie!!!
Holy shit, total total moral-fucking-dilemma. First, do I ditch out my friends and run from The Phantom Menace? Keep in mind, I really had to think about this one cause it was my second time. Second, do I really want to know what happens in the next Bond movie? Cause I mean, it would be utterly fascinating to look at after I see the completed film in order to see how much it changed from the first draft, but before? Let's put it this way. In Tomorrow Never Dies, if someone had told me that James Bond shoots the guy into the cockpit of the other plane in the opening sequence, I would've been mega-pissed!
In the end, I couldn't go, no copies could be made, and it was a one night only thing. I asked the right questions and Chip did confirm that it was the right first draft.
Sigh. I'm not sure if I made a mistake. I'm afraid. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. And hate lead to sufferiiing.
Last night was pretty fucking fun. I haven't hotel-partied in a long time, and I forgot how much I really like hotels. I stole all the stationary and pens again.
I'm growing old but... Get this, since Bud Light is the only beer I can drink without getting an asthma attack, it took a little while before I could finally get a cool buzz and by the time I got one, I decided to just lie horizontal on the bed and participate in conversing and the next thing I know, it's nine-thirty in the morning, the room is dark, and Jar Jar Binks is snoring next to me. Very strange indeed. I'm kinda pissed at myself cause I totally didn't mean to fall asleep.
Went hunting for a light breakfast with Generic Cigarettes today. She starts out by verifying that IG-88 is Jar Jar's friend and not mine. Once I confirm that I barely know IG-88, she totally starts going off about how Jar Jar is trying to set her up with IG-88 and how he's irritating and wouldn't shut up about Star Wars and how irritating he is and blah blah blah. I'm looking at her like, girl, are you fucking smoking crack?! Introducing you to IG-88 is one of the hugest favors we're ever gonna do for your pathetic ass!
You see, we all can't stand Generic Cigarettes' boyfriend. He's such a fucking irritating, asshole dweeb. I mean, put it this way. The poor girl tells him she'd be interested in seeing The Phantom Menace, no explanation necessary right? Dweeb-Boyfriend goes, "I don't want to see it. I can wait for video." What a fucking jerk, so of course we had to take her!
And she has the fucking nerve to start talking shit about IG-88 to ME? I'm the one that's hatching the secret plot to have her boyfriend die in a freak accident. And she says IG-88 is more irritating than Dweeb? Oh please. That's like saying an ant is bigger than the Empire State Building.
So as we were taking up chair space at a hotel lobby, I just got really fucking quiet.
But still, it was fun. I haven't seen IG-88 for a real long time and it's always fun to tease him about fucking Cheerleaders, and bounty hunters and shit like that. I really want to go drinking with him soon. Shit, I gotta go drinking with a lotta people soon. I seriously need to set my priorities straight already. Must socialize damnit.
Which fucking reminds me... Sonavubitch. NASA's coming down soon. I have to survive that one as painlessly as possible. I mean, I really like spending time with him and we usually have fun, but the thing is, he's gonna bring Yobo Fiancee with him and she's even more irritating than Jar Jar Binks. In fact, I have an easier time translating whatever's coming out of Jar Jar's mouth in comparison to the fucked up English that's coming outta hers. The real fucking irritating thing is, every single thing/sentence she says, is in the form/tone of a question. It's like her ESL teacher was Alex Trebek.
I'll never forget, in his infinite wisdom, NASA decides that we all should go and see The X Files Movie. Brilliant. Take a foreigner to see a dialogue heavy American film. "NASA, what is Moolder? What is Scooly? UFO is nice-looking and pretty?"
