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Absolute last time I write under the influence...
So anyway, today was in the top five worst days at work so far. The bulk of the worseness was created by a fucking reporter. I'm not gonna mention any names except to say that she works FOUR a television channel. (By the way, did I mention that I felt Farrah FAWCETT was a dumb bitch when I saw her on Letterman? Did I also mention that I feel David DENBY is a total idiot movie critic?)
Everyone thought it was hilarious, because according to Cock Eyes, the look on my face: it looked like I was ready to crack her. Which was true but I didn't realize I was doing it. Then they thought it was more funny because right after that, I started snapping at an old woman. For the record, I wasn't snapping at her, I was just speaking slowly and loudly because she was fucking DEAF!
Sunday, March 26, 2000, 3:39am
Hello, my name is Aaron and I have a drinking problem. The problem is, I'M SPENDING TOO MUCH FUCKING MONEY AT BARS!!! So far in the past month I've hit Oceans, Palaminos, Pipeline, and someplace else. I'm a little disappointed in myself since I usually go to these types of places twice a year tops. Clubbing no less! Me! Clubbing! That thoroughly doesn't mesh.
A twenty year old freaked me on the dance floor during "The Thong Song." And you know what? Shoot me, I'm a pervert, but I fucking had fun goddamnit! Granted, I'm old enough to be her father but let's move on.
I'm addicted to sake. And cheap beer. And tequila. Oh, and bourbon. And I've discovered that if the sun's up, all I want to drink is gin. But I really do enjoy sake. There's something very peaceful about a hot cup of sake. By the way, what's the alcohol content of sake? I always thought it was along the lines of beer but it kinda smells like hard liquor.
I've also discovered a strange beverage called Tequila Rose. What floors me is how it's poured out of the bottle milky. I thought that the shot was some sort of mixture, not something that comes straight outta the bottle. But anyway, Chief Clerk had a major hissy fit over the Married Attorney and I kept trying to calm her down and I ended up keeping her company over shots and one thing led to another and the 20 year old, but moving on...
I feel like I've been unfaithful to my old stand-by: scotch. Oh and Jagermeister... There's a blast from the past. I've been flirting with a whole new variety of liquors. I didn't think I was all that alcoholically open-minded, but actually all that's gonna change because starting Tuesday, I'm gonna be hiding a flask of Jack Daniels in my backpack at work. At this point, I need it.
Holy shit, I nearly got my ass so fucking fired yesterday. I met Ball And Chain for a white flag waving, truce lunch (that totally did not solve a fucking thing) and I just kinda mozied on back to work, hands in my pockets, looking at the magazine rack at Best Sellers and when I got off the elevator I noticed a lot of movement and I kinda wondered to myself why there was so much activity today. Wasn't today a slow day? No wait... Umm... HOLY SHIT I COMPLETELY FORGOT THE ____________!!! I mean, you hear people threaten it all the time: "I'm not gonna fucking show up!" but you don't actually not show up! And not like I had some spectacular, dramatic excuse like a bank holdup or a car accident on the freeway... No. I just went to lunch at the absolute wrong time.
Surprisingly only Office Manager was pissed and that was only because she's absolutely lousy at doing my job. (I hate to see what happens if I get sick on a full fledged _______.) The Boss thought it was just funny and he gave one of his rare giggles.
Spring Break on MTV makes me really sad because it reminds me of the fact that Spring Break no longer applies to me and I have to just be thankful to have Kuhio Day.
I drove all the way out to Costco and once again realized that I arrived without my card.
But I put back the Pokemon watch.
Oh, and here's a drunken left-over survey question from Bi Sexual Chick last night: If you're mate/spouse/significant other/fuck-buddy asked you to fuck them up the ass, would you do it?
I'm sorry but call me a prude, but isn't that the place that doo-doo comes out of? Is this something I'm missing out on?
Romeo Must Die fucking pissed me off. How hard is it? Put Jet Li in a room, give him a whole bunch of people to fight, and turn on the goddamn camera. Shit. But still, love that x-ray skeleton shit.
I'm totally ambivalent about the Academy Awards. REM should've gotten a nomination for "The Great Beyond" and that's that. I'm boycotting. No, I'm weak, I'll probably tape it. But I do hope the little boy from The Sixth Sense wins. He carried that stupid movie. And I'm sorry Keanu, I really hope Episode One beats The Matrix in all those computer, visual effects categories. Technology has created a creature named Jar Jar Binks that almost the entire world has joined hands in hating. That's an achievement if you ask me.
5:16pm
I think my sense of humor is either evolving or devolving. Regardless, some kind of verb... As I was leaving the house to go to the gym, I saw two birds trying to mount what I hope was a female bird. I look at the female bird and go, "Slutt." And the thing is, no one else was around. I was genuinely amusing myself. There has been something so wrong with me lately...
