South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut ****


Friday, July 2, 1999, 3:04 am

Okey doke, looks like we be rolling again.

I'm sick again, but believe it or not, I've managed to get into a helluva lotta trouble simply by sitting in my bean bag chair surrounded by echinesia and DVDs. (Why is it that I always get sick around holidays with firecracker themes?)

Firstly, a big ole fashioned FUCK YOU to the good people at Fortune City. Their redesign process totally made it impossible for me to update this journal. (Uh gee, when Spunker was slightly renovated, we didn't cause any fucking problems. Oh, by the way, I guess you guys heard about that?)

Finally I tried the ole Fortune-fucking-city on Kitsune's funky fresh computer (the machine that can do anything), and I scratched my head as I noticed that there was no problem. Aside from it being a wonderful product of Apple, I couldn't figure out the problem. Then it hit me. The fucking browser.

Since I'm laid up at home doing absolutely nothing by bemoaning my poor, stuffed, feverish head, I decided what-the-fuck and finally downloaded Netscape 4.69928357329857293456293746. So while it downloaded, I watched Ghostbusters on DVD. (My crazy credit card spending spree at Reel.com finally arrived!) That is a most excellent translation with tons of extra material including deleted scenes and trailers. If you liked the Bill Murray epic, I highly recommend it. Two thumbs waaay up!

Anyway, I installed Netscape. For a few weeks now, my computer from hell had some serious sound problems, the problem being I couldn't hear jack shit. The weird thing was, RealAudio worked. Anyway, once I installed Netscape, everything started working again. I could hear my "You've Got Mail!" thing on AOL and everything. I still can't hear any of the usual Windows sounds, but then again, not like I really miss hearing any Microsoft sounds. (Did you know there's a Star Wars jargonizer thing out there that will replace any text on a web site with Star Wars or Jar Jar Binks vocabulary? Everytime there is a reference to Microsoft, it's replaced with "The Sith." Cool huh?)

So anyway, I'm using Netscape. Interesting. My Realplayer finally works, not that I use it for much.

My Internet is slowed down big time but... Then again, there's too much shit on this system anyway...

Oh for the love of fucking God, I'm 200 thousand years old and my grandmother still insists on telling me to go to sleep!!

"Leave me alone."

"You wasting electricity!"

"You wasting more when you fall asleep while watching the fucking Donny and Marie Show!"

*computer crash*

You know, while I was waiting ever so patiently for my system to re-boot, I was watching the new Backstreet Boys video. Two quick observations: 1) in order to have millions of little girls love you, all you have to do is confidently point at the camera for absolutely no reason while bobbing your head. I think I'm gonna try that on campus one day. 2) they had this huge 747 in the background that was painted with the words "Backstreet Boys" or whatever. Now, I'm sure this group isn't gonna be around forever, so what the hell is gonna happen to that plane? Is there gonna be a classified ad saying, "Slightly used 747. $200. By the way, it says "Backstreet Boys" in big blue letters." If anything, that's gonna be a helluva pain in the ass to spray paint.

*i'm sick but i'm still livin la vida loca (i always wanted to say that)*

With this whole trend in Latino pop going on, do you think Jon Secada is throwing a tantrum in a flophouse in Miami going, "Fuck fuck fuck! Why couldn't I have just waited a few fucking years!"

Speaking of pain in the ass, my Gramma has to stop answering the fucking phone. Either that or I need my own line. She's old and she's deaf and she can't understand a single word anybody's saying and she has absolutely no clue how to take a frickin message. Apparently someone named Chong Kim called for me saying that she needed a tutor for her son. What the living fuck?!

As if the English Department would recommend ME for anything. Then again, it could be from KCC but that program's been retired for at least four or five years.

I don't think I could handle tutoring again anyway, but shit, it could have been money!

Speaking of being retired, I can't believe how much trouble I can manage to get into. I'm sick goddamnit. I'm dying here! Someone has to seriously cut me some fucking slack so I can fucking heal. I HAVE SINUS PROBLEMS DAMNIT!

Anyway, the Evil Skinny Flip. It boggles my mind hwo many people he's actually pissed off. By a totally bizarre coincidence, it turns out a new acquaintance knew him. Apparently the Evil Skinny Flip was suicidal. Shit, if I knew that three years ago, I didn't need to threaten to kill him! I mean, there's actually a tiny percent of the population I really wanna see dead and he's one of them. I dare him, I double dare him, to kill himself. He'd make my fucking life a helluva lot easier.

You see, that's the bitch about having enemies. You always have that little paranoid voice in the back of your head, so you keep tabs on vile people you can't even stand just to know where they are, "just in case." Knowledge is power, and hate is defense, and no defense leads to sufferrrriing.

I have a fever. I'm babbling.

But yeah, I got a minor temper. But umm, if you were suicidal, why the fuck wouldn't you want me to kill you? Wouldn't you consider that a favor?

Moving the fuck on already...

I hope I'm not losing weight again. This cold's had me out of the gym for a few days now.

What else? Oh yeah, Ball And Chain decided to start a fight because I was sick and I really wanted to rest and didn't call her to tell her I wasn't gonna punch in the other night. Even though I had a 101 degree fever, I still managed to ask her "Exactly how much sick leave do I have left?"

She doesn't find me amusing.

Hell, I don't find me amusing tonight.

Eww, I'm kinda creepy and snot-filled tonight. I should stop already.

*tower record clearance sales are kinda a savings oxymoron aren't they?*

I cannot begin to stress how South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut will change your life. Okay, it's a musical and there's a lotta musical numbers so get over it. My only gripe is, with all the numbers, they didn't have room for a Chef song. But gosh, if you've been watching the show, they added so many surprises for fans, and the ending: when Cartman realizes how he can save the world, it is just too fucking cool. THAT was the way the audience should have felt when Anakin blew up the Federation Droid ship thing. And with my personal issues considered, I was the one cheering the loudest in the theater when they killed Bill Gates.

i finally opened: a Darth Maul!!!
gonna try cutting down smoking on: july 23
can't believe: kitsune offered to give me a computer
did i mention: spunker's back?
i bought: trippy new sunglasses from jelly's
since i'm sick: i'm experimenting with a goatee
i'll probably: shave it off real soon
i love: watching dvd's in my bean bag chair
the movie review: is nowhere near finished
i can't stop listening to: the hawaii 5-0 theme

Aaron's Movie Reviews 2