|
|
Okay, I'm officially very very fucking late with Overpublished's movie review/article. The thing is, I've gotten really fucking Stanley Kubrick lately. I take fucking forever to finish something, then I start tinkering, and then I start doing more research... I MUST BE INDULGED!!!
Anyway. You know what's really fucking embarassing? My grandmother is like, 200 years old and obviously, she'll let ANYONE in the fucking house. Gee, uh, that's how we got robbed in the first place.
You see, I recognize how everyone in this house walks. Gramma has this slow sliding shuffle. My mother fucking stomps.
I was sleeping and I woke up to new footsteps. I slowly peeked my eye open and Chip Douglas is standing right over me.
"Hi Aaron. Can I borrow your Lethal Weapon 4 DVD?"
"Umm, yeah, sure." I cover myself a bit more with the blankets. "Could you wait in the living room and lemme get dressed cause I got a morning boner and it's really embarassing. Thank you."
My gramma is gonna get it so fucking badly.
I've officially lost my fucking mind with Star Wars already. The fact that I can't open any Darth Mauls was driving me so nuts that finally I decided to go buy shit I can open. The old Star Wars toys. So far I have Ugnaughts, junk bounty hunters, and a lotta Gamorrean Guards. I'm gonna make an army so I'm trying to buy as much Gamorrean Guards as possible.
I also bought a Comm Tech. I didn't realize that you don't need to open the package; just wave it over the Comm Tech and you'll hear the characters talk. Kinda shitty but... The only person who sounds like they're supposed to sound is Jar Jar Binks. "Meesa Jar Jar Binks!"
Jar Jar is officially my favorite character. So many people find him annoying and irritating that I feel too sorry for him already. To show support, I went to Pizza Hut and bought a Jar Jar cup topper and placed it on my dashboard. Apparently it looks really noticeable too cause at red lights, people STARE. I'm not sure how comfortable I feel about being such an obvious dork.
Went to the carnival. Apparently, that Star Wars personality test was right. I am Obi Wan Kenobi cause you know why? I'M THE OLDEST MOTHERFUCKER ON THE PLANET!!! Christ, I'm fucking ancient. Too depressing. This is the absolute last carnival I want to go to. I nearly had an anxiety attack being surrounded by people ten years younger than me, and they're all looking at me like, "eeww, the elderly!"
And you know what else? I can't ride anything anymore. I like roller coasters. Forward motion-- fine. Thing is, here in Hawaii, space is limited so many of the rides revolve around revolving. They like to make you dizzy and preferably turn you upside down at the same time. I took one look at the Inverter and said, "No fucking way."
For the first time in history, I went on that little sky lift that spans the fair ground. That's just pathetic. But you know what's even more pathetic? I really enjoyed it.
You know how else I'm growing old too? I've finally reached the all time pinnacle of lazy-ness. I now purchase a discounted car wash whenever I fill in 5 or more gallons of gas. Honestly, it's much easier on my psyche that way. It's just so dejecting when it starts to rain as soon as I finish shammying my car.
Tea With Mussolini was better than I thought. Frankly, I only went because M was in the movie. Unfortunately, Judi Dench didn't get to be very bitchy in this one.
I kinda like Cher too. I mean, I thought Moonstruck was a really really good fucking movie and Suspect with Dennis Quaid is still my all time favorite lawyer movie, and this is taking into account all that John Grisham crap and A Few Good Men and Devil's Advocate and that comedy with Kramer from Seinfeld and Jeff Daniels. (Kidding.)
I got to see the preview for The Thomas Crown Affair with Pierce Brosnan. It looks really good although it's kinda sad because a lot of people aren't gonna go because it probably reminds them too much of Entrapment, except Entrapment had more interesting burglaries and Catherine Zeta Jones' ass.
