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Whelps, here we are, last Friday the 13th of the century. How exactly does one go about celebrating a Friday the 13th, no less the last one of the century? Actually, I don't wanna know. That's all I fucking need at this hour of the night: Friday the 13th mumbo jumbo and more Blair Witch shit.
Gosh, that poor Scott Masaki. He, ahem, got an email from a disgruntled Spunker reader saying that The Blair Witch Project was so totally NOT scary, and so totally over-hyped blah blah blah. The only Blair Witch Complaint/Cliche the emailer left out was the motion sickness from the handheld camera.
I don't know actually. I guess I can understand that and all, but at the point we're at in terms of pop culture, don't you think that as an audience we've out-grown the ability to be affected by hype? I mean, for me, the true test was The Phantom Menace. I mean, you know it's at least gonna be publicized or something... You know? Personally, I think I managed to avoid any sort of four-cover-Premiere-magazine/pre-conceived-notion-burnout and I went in with a relatively open mind. Lack of sleep helps too.
But anyway, yeah, I don't understand how people can honestly and jadedly say that a film was "over-hyped." I mean, the point of saying that phrase should be to portray a kind of non-chalantness (sp?) or something to that affect. "I didn't cry during Titanic. I thought it was all hype. I was hoping Kate Winslet's boobs would freeze and fall off..." But isn't there a kind of unhip, point-out-the-obviousness to saying, "________ was over-hyped?"
I can't remember the last time I fell for "hype." Shit. I can't recall. Really, at least for the last six or seven years, I haven't been disillusioned by the poor performance of a film.
Which happens to coincide with the last time I got majorly majorly majorly stoned. Not just a little stoned, I'm talking PARALYZED stoned. I coma-ed in the backseat of a BMW, next thing I knew I was in a Waikiki side-street hostess bar with a checkered floor, a grand piano, and a cockroach. Straight outta Twin Peaks. Go figure.
Actually, I finally thought up an angle to the movie review. You know me. I can't just write a straight-forward movie review. No sirree banana. That would be too easy. It's a pretty good, funny idea too. The rub is, that would nullify the work done over the last two days. I'm thinking about giving Overpublished two versions. The first, the full-on parenthetical, footnoted, all-over-the-place/rambling-but-structurally-rambling article, and the second, the one with my new idea-- just making the whole goddamn thing up like a longer Spunker article with no graphics.
I can just picture myself though, he takes one and I'm gonna go, "But uh, what's wrong with the other?"
Actually, I wonder if he'll even take it? I mean, I really hope that if it sucks, he'll tell me it sucks, and not just publish it out of obligation.
I swear, I'm perfectly fine thinking up shit on my own, but if you ask me to do something specifically, I don't know what the hell happens. Suddenly I can't peel a banana to save my life.
Dinner at Dental Chick's. You'd be surprised how much you can learn by having dinner at Dental Chick's while watching the Teen Award Show thing.
Tampax Glide-whatever Tampons suck cause "yeah they go in easy, but just try getting them out!"
Britney Spears (sp?) had a boob job. You have to massage the boobs every night or the implants harden.
OH and I finally saw a David Blaine special. Fucking shit, between this guy and Lance Burton, I don't know which one is more fucking talented. Tonight, I gotta say David Blaine. I mean, the fucker can levitate for God's sake! Weird how he feels sick after though. I mean, I'm sure it's an act and all but... Oh and the one that had me and Dental Chick yelling at the screen was when he made the guy pick a card and David put it back in the deck and he threw it at the restaurant window and the card was stuck on the window, from the inside!!
I finally figured out what I wanna do with my life. I'm gonna be a magician. I'm already working on the levitating. So far, no luck. But I'll keep you posted.
I don't know what I've gotten into more debates over: is Tec worse than the entire Baywatch cast, or which is scarier, The Blair Witch Project or The Sixth Sense.
I guess it depends upon your belief system. If you're a complete fucking loony and you believe that you may or may not have the power to see ghosts, like say Ball And Chain, then of course, yeah, The Sixth Sense is scarier. You know, cause you're a looney das why.
Personally, I thought The Blair Witch Project was scarier because a) it's a little more realistic with all that camcorder shit, and b) you don't see no special effects or whatever so you know, it's all sounds and creepy stuff you find and use your imagination with.
So yeah, there's the drawing line, I guess. If you have zero imagination, like say Ball and Chain, you'll get the living daylights scared out of you by The Sixth Sense. And you'll just be bored shitless by The Blair Witch Project.
I also got into another interesting discussion about fear with, of all people, the Hairy Editor. I say, The Blair Witch Project was scary and The Sixth Sense was startling. For me, scary is when you take it home with you. Startling is just when a ghost pops up and you don't expect it and you just jump out of reflex. Although the Hairy Editor feels that this reflex should be considered scary. Whatever.
The thing that really bugs me about The Sixth Sense is the ending. So here the fuck we go again. If you don't wanna know the ending, don't read on cause I'm gonna blab it all out.
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Okay, at the end of the movie, you find out that Bruce Willis is dead; he's a ghost and only the little boy can see him. That explains why you don't see any of the other characters talking to him, something I found kinda odd until I realized it was coming.
Actually, I figured it out about five minutes before they dropped it. I read a buncha movie reviews and they all mentioned the "shocking twist ending." So... You know...
Personally, I found it to be a real unnecessary cheap shot. I mean, it's the kinda trick the screenwriter does just to be clever.
And the thing that I don't fucking get is, every Tom, Dick, and Banana that saw it totally fell for it. "Ohmygod, I cried at the end" and blah blah blah. Oh puhleeze people. Gimme a break and a half. Or maybe I'm just a cynic-wanna-be and I bought into The Hype™.
