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Friday
Flirted with checking agent at the airport. Lousy flight. Fremont sucks shit. Budget desk at Four Queens is run by a bunch of idiots. Lost shirt at Caesar's Palace. Las Vegas is a fucking bitch to drive. Did okay at Fremont. Lost shirt at Golden Nugget. Main Street's buffet is actually pretty good.
Saturday
Did okay at Mandalay Bay. Screamed head off on New York New York roller coaster. Lost driver's licence in New York New York casino. Went to O. Not as good as Mystere; men in tights in a giant swimming pool. Recovered driver's licence at New York New York and proceeded to lose shirt and get plastered.
Sunday
Drove 40 miles to a shitty outlet mall. Rode either the tallest, longest, or fastest roller coaster west of the Mississippi. Went to concert. Flirted with Mandalay Bay ticket girl. Fastball opened, Sugar Ray kicked ass, and the Goo Goo Dolls used up all their good songs in the first 20 minutes. Left before they could make me puke with that City Of Angels song. Ate at Red Square, a Russian-themed steakhouse with 2 billion different types of vodka. BIG MISTAKE! Lost shirt at Fremont and Four Queens.
(Why is it whenever I travel, people in the political spotlight die? My first mainland trip: Sonny Bono. My second: Princess Diana. And now JFK Jr.? Eerie and very sad. He was a colleague I respected very much and upon occasion we used to talk shop concerning the magazine publishing. He never actually came out and said it, but I think he got a kick out of Spunker-- although he always mentioned the quality was declining. Given more time, I'm sure George would have been almost as successful a publication as Spunker.)
Monday
Bought shitload of clothes from Fashion Show Mall. But then, I needed clothes. What I didn't need was a Macy's credit card. Ate favorite french fry dips at Dive. Rode Star Trek ride and lost shirt at Hilton, but then proceeded to kick ass at Hard Rock. There must be some way outta here, said the joker to the thief... Did ok at California, lost shirt at Golden Nugget and Fremont. Finally saw one of the Fremont light shows and it turned out to be a buncha cartoon cowboy-hicks. Of course it would be too much for them to show me the James Bond one.
Tuesday
Moved to MGM and I can't believe how cool the room is, although the bell desk is ASKING for some slaps. Racist haoles. The view from here is killer: it's 3 in the morn and I'm sitting on the ledge of the bay window staring at all the lights on the Excalibur, New York New York, and Mandalay Bay. Badass. Emeril's is pretty good. Went to the Venetian. Nice hotel complete with gondolas, but shitty casino. Ate dinner at favorite Italian restaurant in NYNY; keen olive oil and bread. Went to Excalibur; a restaurant devoted to WCW Nitro. I do believe this is why Vegas has the reputation of being tacky. Did okay at Harrah's, cut losses at Mirage and ended up getting drunk there.
Wednesday
I'm sitting on my bay window bench staring at the glowing Excalibur castle. I could get used to this. Ate at Rainforest Cafe and looked at art by Van Gogh, Cezanne, and other people whose names I can't pronounce. Finally tried a banana cream cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory. Bought more fucking clothes and gifts. KICKED ASS AND TOOK NAMES AT RIO!!!! Taking James Bond's advice and using money won from gambling quickly, ate lobster themidor and tried exotic drinks at Voodoo Lounge. Killer view of the Strip and the Silk Chocalate is an excellent dessert drink. Took a little money from Luxor. Played for Kitsune there and he did okay too.
Thursday
Breakfast at Treasure Island wasn't what I remembered. KICKED ASS AND TOOK NAMES AT MONTE CARLO!!!! Went to Forum Shops and after nine years, finally bought a new back pack from Banana Republic. LOST HUGE SHITLOAD OF MONEY AT MGM!!!! Ate at Brown Derby; excellent Cobb Salad. LOST HUGE SHITLOAD OF MONEY AT NEW YORK, NEW YORK AND MGM!!!! God, I can't believe I did that. I just played stupid. That's the fucking absolute last time I'm gonna stay in the casino when I'm tired, just to keep people company. Next time, especially when dealing with The Last Night-Must-Gamble Syndrome, I'm just going upstairs and packing all my new clothes and the 2000 pounds of souveniers. Also, somewhere along the line, I adopted a beanie baby skunk that was getting kicked around the floor of the casino by jerk haoles and idiot gooks.
Friday, today
Ate final lox and onion omelette from Nevada. Played roulette for Dental Chick and lost stupidly, but then again, roulette is a thoroughly stupid game so what do you expect really? It's the most elaborate guessing game ever created. Didn't have the heart to leave beanie baby skunk so I packed him. For my good deed, I actually took money out of, of all things, a video poker quarter machine at the airport. Go fucking figure. All in all, I'm coming back with enough money to cover traveling expenses.
I'm fucking jet lagged, man.
T-Rex: Back To The Cretaceous was the 3-D Imax movie playing at the Luxor. It was a complete huge ass waste of fucking time and money. I swear to God, if I didn't take money from the Luxor, and enjoy their jumbo shrimp cocktail, I'd have some serious words for that casino. Granted, Ra is a kick ass nightclub. In fact, a lot of the nightclubs up there kick some serious ass. Rumjungle is pretty bad ass too.
You know what's weird? Haoles chicks are REALLY friendly to me. Odd. Maybe it's the shortness that fascinates them. WEIRD! I'm utterly pathetic in Hawaii, but send me to Vegas, and I'm Ricky Martin! Allay allay allay!
I really didn't want to leave. It was like living in a Details magazine ad every night. I could play blackjack all night and I even have this slot machine theory that I was having some luck with last night, before trouble started and threw my mojo off and costed me hundreds. Blah. Luck. In the end, games of chance, luck. But then, that's what's so appealing. I know what it's gonna be like now. For the next two weeks, I'm gonna be dealing myself blackjack hands.
Someone gamble with me.
