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Okay, I'm officially depressed. I've been trying to keep myself occupied lately but I can't fucking shake it. I'm just gonna do one totally selfish rant and that will be that: I've read a shitload of master's thesises that were so excrutiatingly bad that I can't fucking believe that I got passed over twice.
There. It's out of my system.
Honestly, I don't have a fucking clue what the living fuck I'm gonna do now. I'm out of a job. Most likely I'm out of school...
Fuck.
I knew I shouldn't have gone into Nicholson's office again but everyone kept telling me you gotta try. I seriously just wanted to just disappear already. But I went in today, and basically sat through a serious load of crap. Here's the thing though and it's the answer I wanted and wished I'd gotten one year earlier: because of my previous record, no matter what, I was always a longshot.
But he really wants me to know that he admires my determination and if it was solely up to him, just out of sentimentality's sake, he would have let me in.
I really want him to know that I think he's full of--
Anyway...
The thing that really really fucking hurts is I know I got that small small grain of talent. It's just a tiny little spark but it's that kinda spark that you can't learn. You know? Should I come back down?
I don't wanna bag groceries for the rest of my life.
In a desperate attempt to boost my resume, I made a deal with the devil. Interesting fact: the devil is a woman in a skirt so short, you can see the edges of her tucked-in shirt.
On a completely different note of desperation: not once have I asked my mother to pull any strings for me. Now I know why.
You know what I really want to do with my life. I wanna play Starcraft. Professionally. I think I should try and form a professional league. NSL.
I also want to get a Quickcam. Kitsune got one with his rocking new G3. I wanna make AaronCam. Not that I do anything interesting. But the cool thing is, when I'm not home, which is 23 hours of the day, I can point it at the living room and presto! Aaron's Gramma Cam! Watch my Gramma gum food! Watch her fall asleep during the Donny and Marie Show! Watch her give me money!
I could be a janitor at the gym. That way, at least I won't have to pay for membership.
I just have to keep telling myself that one year from now, Y2K bug notwithstanding, I'll probably think I worried too damn much about this.
Okay, on the plus side, I do have a degree. Ball And Chain keeps telling me that my chances of a job doing ANYTHING increases no matter what the degree was in. Plus, you always hear stories about how people have jobs that don't have a damn thing to do with their major. This one guy Kitsune knows, he got a degree in sculpture and now he's doing accounts payable at _________. Go fucking figure.
Bartending school is really looking good right now.
I got it. Maybe if I ask nicely, Michael Chow will pay me do his journals for him. I mean, look at how much and often he writes. I'm sure there's a lot of other things he has to do in the day so...
In fact, I'll do EVERYBODY'S journals for them. For a small small fee. Think about it. Your life will be updated without you knowing it. Imagine: Jay will update everyday! Pam will never have to worry about tax season! Jase's journal will rise from the dead. Peter will have the time to add a kitchen sink onto his site! The possibilities are endless!
Here's a sample of my work: Came home today. Couldn't make the Bamboo Ridge deadline but I did manage to conquer Rome, kick Aaron in the balls and tell him to fuck-off. But fuck! All these motherfuckers call me up at the last fucking goddamn minute with questions about their taxes! Oh, almost forgot. Hi Snotface!
Not bad huh?
Kidding. I'm just trying to cheer myself up.
Twin Dragons was stupid but funny. What's with martial arts stars and twin movies? It also had a kick-ass extended fight sequence in a car factory.
