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I'm thinking about quitting smoking again.
You know what that means right?
Yessiree Banana, I am once again sick as a dog. I've been infected by yet another fucking virus. And what is this month's bacteria? It's STREP THROAT-- c'mon down, you're the next contagin in Aaron's Body.
Personally, I don't wanna quit smoking over this one because I honestly honestly don't think it was my fault. Long ass story short. Umm, last night of work, I decided what the fuck, it's my last night, I'll go drinkie with the work people. (By the way, Alkie told me some totally shocking gossip. Once I return to campus, I gotta gotta talk to him and find out what the fuck happened.) Turns out we don't go drinkie and we end up at Darth's house. The Hairy Editor basically invites himself. I should've just stayed home. Then everybody starts smoking out. Now I know Sparrow had a sore throat, but I'm 100% certain it wasn't strep throat. Was it? Anyway, I still think I just got my ass majorly bachi-ed because I shared a bong with The Hairy Editor. That in itself should have been a signal. It was just a Stupid Move, not an unknown immunity-compromiser on my part.
Then of course there's the fact that Ball And Chain said that if she ever finds out I've been smoking weed, she's gonna leave my ass. Then again, out of all the rules, I always felt that one was the tamest. You know private school kids, "Eww, weed. That means you're baaaad."
Then of course, there's the fact that every single job on the fucking island is doing drug testing. And there's a whole other ball of remedies there. "Drink a bottle of vinegar. Avoid poppy seeds."
Not like I can haul myself around to even attend an interview anyway cause I feel like a thousand pounds of shit. I refuse to quit smoking over this. I'm sorry, but I know cigarettes cause everything from child pornography to Volkwagon Beetles, but I seriously seriously don't think that cigarettes lower one's immunity THAT much. I've gotta be doing something else wrong. I've heard other causes are sleep, food, and stress. I'm gonna make a serious attempt at working on those three first, then if I'm still catching Disease Of The Month™, I'll consider getting a refund on the Marlboros.
I also feel like the world's hugest fucking hypocrite. I just told BruddahJ this whole long, elaborate, song and dance about how I haven't smoked for over five years, I don't really talk to anybody that smokes any more, I watch Touched By An Angel all the time... I swear to God, I don't know these people all that well, much less hang out with them. I HAD NO CLUE!
Anyway, I still think I got bachi-ed big time, mainly cause I shared a bong with The Hairy Editor. Serves me right. My dad called today to let me know he called his friend who works for the Hawaiian Consulting Long Title Wacka Wacka Impressive Sounding I Own The Whole Building Firm and that said friend is interested in talking to me... Except for the fact that umm, shit, I CAN'T TALK. I CAN TYPE LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER RIGHT NOW THOUGH!
So anyway, my father, being my father, is more upset that I stood him up for lunch and he WANTS me to call his friend as soon as possible. Do you think I'm an idiot? Yes, I'll call said-friend as soon as possible, but umm, since you happen to be on the telephone with me, what's your opinion of my voice? Yes, exactly! WHAT VOICE?!
They gave me a cortisone shot in the ass today. At least I was wearing my Joe Boxers. Always nice to wear cool underwear in front of strangers. Anyway, cortisone went in, felt like someone was injecting battery acid into me, and I nearly passed out. Half a day later I was well enough to make it back to the waiting room.
If there's any nurses out there reading this, I got a minor shot-etiquette question. Do you prefer that the patients be totally bubbly and chipper during the shot, and most importantly, after, or is it an understood thing that getting a shot in the ass will cause a guy to just wanna crawl onto the table and die? Or am I just being a total wimp about this?
And do you hold it against a patient if you don't like his ass?
But anyway, I'm sold on cortisone. Is that some sort of miracle drug or something? Is there a way that it can improve one's personality cause if so, there's a buncha people I want to give cortisone-shot gift certificates to.
And my mother refused to believe I had strep throat... I mean, I had all the symptoms with the exception of a body rash. Amazing, she always refuses to believe that I'm sick and later, she always gives me shit about going out because she refuses to believe that I'm better. Where is the logic? Is that a sign of menopause?
I lost three more pounds. In just one day. Frightening.
I just talked to Ball And Chain and she just watched the guy from Baywatch on some Star Search show. What exactly happens to "celebrities" when they get strep throat? I mean, they're always jumping in the ocean and annoying people at movie theaters and hosting these Star Search thingies, what happens to them when they get sick? Are they taking some sort of miracle drug or something? Cause yeah right they get proper nutrition and rest. Michael Bergin looks like he hasn't slept for eight years.
I'm so bitter at my health.
Speaking of being able to type like a motherfucker, I really should get cracking on that Movie Review. In fact, from what I understand, I may have to get cracking on a Play Review. I wonder if I can pass the keyboard on that one. I mean, look how long it's taking me to do the Movie Review? Right? Just nod your heads.
Okay, for the record, I liked the first Universal Soldier. There was a good fight at the end with Dolph and Jean (pronounced Gene) and that part when they were rappeling(sp?) down the dam was cool. And I still think it's the best film ever made by Devlin and Emmerich, sure as shit better than Stargate and Godzilla. Okay, so Universal Soldier: The Return pretty much sucked. I mean, our defense program must suck pretty bad if technologically advanced soldiers are gonna be outfitted with Oakleys but still... Goldberg was pretty funny cause he was basically in his own little movie. Then there Kianna Tom. Always nice to have her around. Then there's that black guy who was Spawn. That fucker can kick ass. They could've made the ending fight so much better. They were so close to adding some kung fu shit, but then I guess Jean is too old and re-habbed. If they were gonna make a movie this junk, they should've just eighty-sixed Jean Claude, hired the Spawn guy, and bumped up the special effects. I mean, the first movie went to locations and stuffs. This movie stayed in a crappy movie set masquerading as a weapon/tech lab.
I think it's quite sad what happened to Jean. I liked a few of his movies. In fact, I thought the original Universal Soldier was number 3 in my top three Jean Claude movies. Number 2 was Time Cop. That was actually a pretty good movie, poignant in it's own brainless way. Number 1 was Hard Target but then John Woo will improve anyone's career. I wonder if John Woo ever gets strep throat? Maybe I should send him my resume. Does he do drug testing?
