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Okay, I'm getting out of this. Is March too late for a New Year's resolution? I don't think so. (In a thoroughly un-related incident, I had a kick-ass closed door meeting with The Boss yesterday and he explained what my goal for the rest of session should be. Office Manager position here I come!!!) Anyway, I think I need goals and that'll be my goal: I'm gonna make myself single. Since I work so goddamn much these days, I always look forward to my free time and whenever I finally get my free time, Ball And Chain goes and ruins it.
Tonight's one was technically my fault. I tried to instigate sex. Big mistake right there, what the fuck was I thinking?! Anyway, Ball And Chain was at her desk playing solitaire and I started messing around and when she tried to playfully push me out of the way, she knocked over her glass of water. Suddenly she freaks and blames me and starts wiping furiously. Her book-shelf, her desk area, the chair, the pillows, the carpet, the towels on the ground that cover the carpet to prevent staining (I kid you not)...
So now I'm writing this, lying in a corner jammed into between the TV and the closet as she is dragging a Vornado and aims it full blast at the affected areas.
I think she used an entire brand new roll of paper towels wiping up.
"It's just water," I say. "It's not like I spilled a gallon of Dr. Pepper."
"You can get mold and everything will get musty."
A wise person once asked me, what would it take for me to break up with my girlfriend. I think I misinterpreted the question. I'm seriously hoping that I'd catch her boinking someone else cause that would give me such an easy escape route.
Monday, March 20, 2000, 1:25am
Hello. I'm drunk and stoned. You see, we all went to the rehearsals for my play and we had time to kill so we went to Palamino's and I drank Petron shots and beer and then we went back and I watched the cast rehearse and I handed in the revisions and stuffs that they asked for and I talked with the director about the changes I made, and she laughed so I guess she thought it was funny, and I had to call the Hairy Editor, whom I introduced as My Editor, and I had to have him explain the changes I made about the Samoan and the whole time, I was hoping that the director couldn't tell that I was drunk out of my mind.
And then after the rehearsal we went back to Palamino's... I'm going to save here and eat some more of my left-over baked salmon with the crab topping. Salmon is soooooo good when you stoned. The fish has this whole new soft texture and it's totally fucking rad. I'm gonna save now.
So anyways, we went back to Palamino's and I drank somemore tequila and beer and then I went back to my car with the Hairy Editor and I found a fucking fucking fucking parking ticket for $30 and I couldn't even find the fucking parking sign that got me all in trouble anyway and then we drove to the Great Hawaiian Hope's house and I got all baked and I spent a real long time looking at the 3-D Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue and that was really cool and I drove home and I'm kinda bummed that all this is ruined by the fact that I got a parking ticket cause me and the Ball And Chain have finally called it temporarily quits until May at least because I just cannot deal with her shit during session and during the time where I gotta work on the play at least until after the performance but I don't really get affected all that much cause drinking helps and the marijuana really is medicinal which makes me feel a lot better about all the stress and trauma those amputees go through when I had to get all their testimony and crap and then and then if it wasn't for weed, I'll probably have a headache and body aches by now and I was gonna go gym tonight after rehearsals but then the Great Hawaiian Hope was there so I didn't go but I did pretty good this weekend. I'm kinda excited because I finally made a new record on my bench press so I felt all bad ass and whoo hoo and I jumped up and down.
But the kinda trippy part that's really exciting is the fact that I see these words I wrote and all these nice friendly actors are acting it out and it's kinda like seeing the shit you wrote just come to life and that's really really neato mosquito even though this part you wrote for a little Japanese guy is being played by a huge hapa football player motherfucker but that's totally cool cause he's a real nice guy. In fact the whole cast is really nice but the weird thing is, they're all totally different from what I pictured in my head while I was writing it but that's okay cause the play's still really funny.
The really weird part was how the guy who I slammed for the movie review I did last year is NOW IN THE PLAY THAT I WROTE! And I think that's totally trippy and I hope he never finds out and I had my first newspaper interview and I heard from Overpublished that she found me "intense," which I totally don't understand, and the photographer guy took my picture which I really didn't enjoy but he said they just have it on file and they probably won't use it, which I hope because I'm holding a cigarette and my Gramma would freak.
I could have sworn that we were taking a break but I got the meanest blowjob last night. I wonder how loud I was moaning or something cause she said I enjoyed it and her parents must want to kick the both of us totally out already and that's just gross.
I'm zonked and I going finish my fish. Peace.
